Post by tnr9 on Aug 5, 2018 13:34:20 GMT
The last week has been very revealing and troubling.....I had a couple of really great days...but I have found myself sinking into feelings of resentment. Why? I hate to admit this...but at it's root is the fact that B is pressing forward against his discomfort and making connections in the community...which is so very mature and awesome. And I am having 2 very childlike reactions...first...there is the fear...he does not need me anymore...ugh...I hate that....it is emeshment to the worst degree...but it exists and so must be labeled as such. Second, due to the fact that he is doing so much to get himself out there..make connections etc...I feel like my choices are now limited/reduced...equally childish and completely false...but it exists as well.
Underneath all of the resentments and selfish perspectives...I am so happy for him. He has always stated he wanted more friends who shared in his faith. It truly is fantastic to see his growth and him pressing forward..even when he feels discomfort. And I will rally for him from the sidelines because love is transformational at it's best and not transactional. I once told him that underneath all my "TNR9 crap", there is a love, respect and care that is unshakable...and it is still there...which I am just so grateful for. He truly is a good man.
Underneath all of the resentments and selfish perspectives...I am so happy for him. He has always stated he wanted more friends who shared in his faith. It truly is fantastic to see his growth and him pressing forward..even when he feels discomfort. And I will rally for him from the sidelines because love is transformational at it's best and not transactional. I once told him that underneath all my "TNR9 crap", there is a love, respect and care that is unshakable...and it is still there...which I am just so grateful for. He truly is a good man.
