Odd question, but as a small child I was very anal-retentive... ie. I did not like going to the bathroom to do #2...mostly because I did not want to have to be wiped by my parent after the fact. In that moment I felt my autonomy and independence was being taken away and I felt humiliated.
As an adult I still have some of these patterns and will put off going to the bathroom, drinking water, eating, if I have work to do or someone to talk to. I feel the need to stay and "perform" .
I'm wondering if any other Avoidants can identify with this, I'm thinking as an early example of the desire to be "needless" and not need other people.
interesting!! it makes sense to me. i don't avoid bodily functions except to wait for total privacy, but i don't think it's related to the same things as it is for you. i wonder about my partner tho, now that you mention this. he does neglect his needs. i am going to think on this a bit.
I definitely avoid needing other people for anything! I think it's the hallmark of the avoidant. I left home at a young age and did many disgusting things to make money. I think my drive to be financially independent was so I would not have to rely on anyone to survive. I think what you are describing comes from the same place. We were conditioned to only rely on ourselves because that was all we had.
Post by leavethelighton on Sept 10, 2018 1:37:49 GMT
Interesting because I've been thinking a lot about this in the past few months, but in the context of self-care (like at work, reminding myself it's okay to leave my desk computer and take a break or it's okay to be 2 minutes later to a meeting to take a restroom break). It has to take a conscious effort. I didn't even realize until a few months ago that I was shoving such needs aside. And same with water as you mentioned. There's a water cooler like literally a 10 second walk from my office and yet I can get so caught up in email, meetings, etc. that I can go all day without filling my water bottle or drinking water.
I'm not so sure it's necessarily about attachment style though as some function of our society. Like did you ever notice how it can seem like everyone seems to think they have to act/be/say they're busy and exhausted-- and maybe even be busy-- all the time?