i'm really touched by all that you guys have said here. thank you. i have had very strong and beautiful support. i had to stop, stop doing. i have been grieving, and while i haven't felt overwhelmed emotionally, just gut wrenchingly sad, physically i completely hit a wall. the culmination of many months of traumatic situations and loss. i have someone who has been taking care of me, like i've taken care of those i love, and it's been tremendously healing and welcome. i've never been nurtured quite like the way i am being nurtured now, by a friend who is secure/anxious... and i am seeing the beauty of the balance between the anxious who reaches out and the dismissive who reaches inward. i've not had healthy relating in the past with anxiously inclined individuals, but when there is a level of health involved on both sides it's really beautiful and refreshing to me.
so i'm learning more as i grow, learning how to bridge the gap a little in personal mixed-style relationship.
it's pretty nifty, but shows me the work i still have to do, and also shows me my heart wants to keep on doing it.