Trapped vs "contained"? Nov 5, 2018 22:43:27 GMT via mobile
Post by hannah on Nov 5, 2018 22:43:27 GMT
Oh, that's totally me on all my relationships, even the friendships! I just realized this some months ago, that this is an important part of my narrative that keeps me distant of everybody, specially the "being used" thing. My conclusion is that, at least in my case, I feel/think like this cause I have a really bad image of myself so I can't trust people when they come around, I can't trust that it's because they like me for what I'm but because I have something they need and they will use me until they don't need me anymore. So I act suspicious towards them and don't let anybody in. Now I can see that it's a defense mechanism, cause ok, when I was a child and I was the only one on my street who had a ball I can understand the "young me" could think "they invite me to play because I own the ball" but now I don't have a ball at all! So it's easier now to trust my friends even if sometimes I'm wondering to ask them "why the h*@*l do you like me? I don't even have a ball!"
Haha oh boy. Yeah I can relate, for similar, if not the same reasons from childhood.
Basically it comes down to viewing your relationships as transactional because no one really likes or cares for you just because. I think I've mentioned this before, but I'll pitch the "Frientimacy" book again that I think has helped to alter my mindset.
Thank you for the suggestion I will try to find the book. For me personally, learning to value friendships, trying to build intimacy in friendships and connecting to people in different groups is the most important lesson so far! It's like to discover a new world now that I'm beginning to understand how all this social thing works. Haha