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Post by Deleted on Mar 10, 2019 23:38:56 GMT
I think I'm a FA more than a DA, so I'm posting it here. Since my last posting, I've been more mindful of my own avoidant tendencies, which I had always thought of as normal. I had some experiences over the weekend where I noticed I "disappeared" into myself or i sharply disconnected with everyone during a meeting and they "disappeared". It was literally as if i was alone and all these other people weren't there anymore - it was more than checking out of a relationship, it was as if they weren't even there. I spoke to some friends and apparently, while they check out, they are still aware of themselves and the reality, they're just not paying attention to the other people. for me, it was like they just stopped existing and i didn't see them there anymore. Also, on my last date, my date said he felt like I was wearing a condom over me. I found a nice article here on dissociation. www.goodtherapy.org/blog/avoidant-attachment-part-2-downside-of-preservation-0201185 |
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Post by Deleted on Mar 10, 2019 23:42:44 GMT
I think I'm a FA more than a DA, so I'm posting it here. Since my last posting, I've been more mindful of my own avoidant tendencies, which I had always thought of as normal. I had some experiences over the weekend where I noticed I "disappeared" into myself or i sharply disconnected with everyone during a meeting and they "disappeared". It was literally as if i was alone and all these other people weren't there anymore - it was more than checking out of a relationship, it was as if they weren't even there. I spoke to some friends and apparently, while they check out, they are still aware of themselves and the reality, they're just not paying attention to the other people. for me, it was like they just stopped existing and i didn't see them there anymore. Also, on my last date, my date said he felt like I was wearing a condom over me. I found a nice article here on dissociation. www.goodtherapy.org/blog/avoidant-attachment-part-2-downside-of-preservation-0201185 Interesting, I read this just a minute ago and I was about to respond that I couldn't relate- it's sounds like straight up dissociation which I have read is a lot stronger in FA or disorganized. It sounds intensely disruptive. Perhaps trauma therapy can help support you with that. It's great that you're aware of it. |
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Post by Deleted on Mar 10, 2019 23:58:27 GMT
@nullified , thanks for sharing. it's actually great to hear that it's different for you, and it would be nice to know how so. I'm trying to make sense of the avoidance that I have, and while I'm aware that I'm quite avoidant in general, the weekend episode was the first time I'm mindfully so.
It can be disruptive, particularly at work. The episode I spoke of was at a meeting that went on for very long and with people I feel were very inefficient with the way the meeting was conducted. The resentment and annoyance were building up, and I just dissociated for a bit.
i'm starting my foray into exploring the FA/avoidant part of me, and my date's comment made it even more salient. We had conversations about it (I told him about my situation) and he said that while he understands where I'm coming from, he said it comes off as a fear of intimacy.
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Post by Deleted on Mar 11, 2019 0:13:06 GMT
@nullified , thanks for sharing. it's actually great to hear that it's different for you, and it would be nice to know how so. I'm trying to make sense of the avoidance that I have, and while I'm aware that I'm quite avoidant in general, the weekend episode was the first time I'm mindfully so. It can be disruptive, particularly at work. The episode I spoke of was at a meeting that went on for very long and with people I feel were very inefficient with the way the meeting was conducted. The resentment and annoyance were building up, and I just dissociated for a bit. i'm starting my foray into exploring the FA/avoidant part of me, and my date's comment made it even more salient. We had conversations about it (I told him about my situation) and he said that while he understands where I'm coming from, he said it comes off as a fear of intimacy. I experience hypo-arousal as described in the articles and visuals in the "Window of Tolerance" thread. I don't experience altered awareness of people. I don't dissociate though. I did with PTSD in violent situations but that is quite separate from avoidant deactivation in my experience. I have not been addressed about it in any casual encounter, such as dating. I am not extremely guarded behind a wall of avoidance or deactivation. So, in short- deactivation for me entails a suppression emotionally and physically without altered situational awareness. To illustrate- I may feel that I am behind a pane of glass emotionally if deactivated but I don't feel as if things, including people, have disappeared and that they don't exist. Not at all. I just am not particularly involved with them at the moment, through no conscious choice. As stated in the graphic on that thread: I don't choose it, my body does. As soon as my nervous system rights itself (either assisted or unassisted by me) I am back to normal emotional feeling and responsiveness. |
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Post by Deleted on Mar 11, 2019 0:32:46 GMT
thanks @nullified. I'll pay more attention to this and see if more comes up. offhand, i think being deactivated is my default state, rather than as a reactionary state (implosion or explosion of emotion is my reaction). ever since relocating, i've been very slowly but consciously moving out of this state into becoming more present, but i thought it was just that i was lost in my thoughts.
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