hola
Junior Member
Posts: 61
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Post by hola on Apr 13, 2019 14:14:32 GMT
FA reached me today after that long text closing our situation-ship 18 days ago. Obviously I was no contact and leaning back. I had some very dark days. When I felt completely at peace, when I had that feeling that I am ok and I finally moved on... he appears on WhatsApp with a photo saying that he saw 'this' and 'this' made him (....) I don't know what the photo is, I don't know what the full message says...I haven't open it yet. It is not games. I don't feel like it. I don't wanna go back in contact. I don't wanna have to respond but I don't wanna ignore either. I don't wanna block. I don't wanna do anything anymore. I just want be my own beautiful being without his drama in my life. I was enjoying the time, space and distance so much! Aaaaaaaargh! Hi Candy, I know exactly how you feel because that’s how I’ve felt. And you have every right to. If that’s how you feel, then just write a short reply and tell him exactly that. That way you won’t feel like you’re playing games. |
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Post by mrob on Apr 13, 2019 15:29:52 GMT
Can I say, as an FA, if somebody told me to go away and never message again, I would respect that, and have in the past.
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Post by sissyk on Apr 13, 2019 18:28:12 GMT
Ahh--So more evidence FAs do come back.
I don't think you are required to reply. Not replying isn't playing games. Maybe this is his attempt to be friends and talk about safe things you had in common as he seemed to say he was open to in his earlier text.
He goes silent for weeks and then sends a low stakes low risk feeler. It is not like he showed up at your door with a dozen roses weeping. You are not ignoring him...you don't have to leap to reply to such a small long time coming gesture. Maybe you will want to reply in a few weeks with more healing--maybe not.
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Post by alexandra on Apr 13, 2019 18:50:41 GMT
18 days doesn't change a person. In my experience FAs come back but haven't done the work on themselves, so the cycle repeats as long as you let it. If someone has actually changed, you'd know, because they'd feel comfortable telling you fairly quickly (maybe after a couple feeler attempts), and words would align with actions consistently over time.
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Post by faithopelove on Apr 13, 2019 19:38:21 GMT
candy - Your ex reached out in a very low risk, indirect way. Nothing wrong with you not replying if you are thriving in no contact. He made his choice. Now you make your choice. Do what’s best for you.
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candy
New Member
Posts: 14
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Post by candy on Apr 13, 2019 20:38:13 GMT
Deleted for personal reasons
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candy
New Member
Posts: 14
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Post by candy on Apr 13, 2019 20:45:48 GMT
Deleted for personal reasons
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Post by sissyk on Apr 14, 2019 12:14:25 GMT
1 - He has to make a proper effort to work on his issues before involving a 'nice person' like me
2 - We can talk sometime about other stuff but there is nothing else to say on this subject (of us)
Quoting your FA above here
Good for you for knowing what you want and need!! If the above was his message to you weeks ago, he has not had time to work on his issues but IS involving you.
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candy
New Member
Posts: 14
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Post by candy on Apr 14, 2019 18:44:40 GMT
Deleted for personal reasons
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Deleted
Deleted Member
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Post by Deleted on Apr 17, 2019 12:14:21 GMT
Hi, I was in a similar situation to yours. I dated a guy who had FA tendencies (and now I recognize that he was definitely emotionally unavailable) for nearly six months. We had a drama free relationship, but he was always hesitant and making excuses to make it 'official'. Finally, I broke it off and he told me afterwards he didn't feel enough of a spark and that's why he hesitated (which is true to him but he also has a ton of attachment issues and it was always something with him).
Anyway, he pulled the same thing with me after I walked away and told him not to reach out to me- just a bunch of boring, empty texts like 'Hey, hope all is well with you' / 'I've missed you'/ 'Hope you're okay'/'I just want you to know you're in my thoughts' and telling me about his life, but not really saying anything of substance over the last five months or taking accountability for stringing me along. I've only answered twice, politely and shortly.
You're doing good. Whatever they're looking for, whether it's an ego stroke, comfort, familiarity, etc. -- it isn't worth it. They're just breadcrumbs.
Keep up the good work and good thing you got out early.
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