Post by anne12 on Apr 15, 2019 7:16:09 GMT
Can you see the trap of focusing on the right choice?
Right choices lock your inner decision maker!
If there is a real choice, then the old part of the brain (the reptile brain + the middle brain, which is rather primitive) believes, that all other choices are wrong!
Then just keep in mind, that you do not make the wrong choice (which is all other choices than the right one).
The old part of the brain therefore easily goes into alarm mode, or at least in stress gear.
Alarm condition / stress is the worst starting point for making decisions. Because there is the "instinct noise" - while the rational part (neocortex) is inhibited.
Furthermore, when the alarm / stress condition exceeds a certain level, the system shuts off emotions.
It is therefore also not possible to feel the heart or hear your intuition in that state.
On the other hand, there is typically a lot of worry-grabbing thoughts!
If you make a decision in this state, then it is only the survival instinct, that makes the decision.
The part of the brain that reacts with fight, flight or freeze
1) Many people ends up in freeze.
These people do not make a decision at all!
You can't make a decision!
Just read that phrase again:
You can't make a decision!
Because life continues, and your non-decision has consequences, just as if you had made an active choice.
The difference is that you become a spectator of your life, while other people's decisions and time will shape your life.
2) Others will escape.
3) Others will again fight, where it would have been more healthy for them to let go.
A big decision taken in that alarm condition state often proves to be a bad decision. For example, whether the partner is the right one and must be your life companion, whether the job is the right one or the home is.
An attatchment therapist says, that she meets many in her practice, who have ended a relationship, because their system went off-gear.
It is super good if the partner was unhealthy to be with. But we are talking about where the partner has had some quality.
Sad for both ...
Sad for the love, that did not unfold.
Just as sad and as often she have met those who have fought too much and for too long in a relationship. Sometimes they even pushed the love away by struggling so bravely.
No matter what situation, you can use these 3 steps:
Step 1: Regulate the nervous system (ANS) with various methods (water tank exercise, breathing awareness, here-and-now exercise, etc.) and any healing of old wounds.
Step 2: Clarify What is a good-enough choice for you?
A good-enough choice will bring you closer or perhaps all the way to unfold your vision, for example your love vision.
A good-enough choice is good for you and the other involved. Even if you are not guaranteed whether it is good for the rest of your life. There is no one who can know.
If it later turns out, that there is something else that at that time is a better choice, make sure you have the power to make that choice.
Check out your good enough choice with others who have competencies within your choice. If you have made your (love) vision right 😉 it's easier to determine if your choice will be a good-enough choice for you
Step 3: Take this good-enough choice!
It will soothe your nervous system and get you back to you again.
Let me emphasize:
The perfect partner does NOT exist.
Only the good-enough partner for you 😉
Love is a CHOICE!
Not a one-time choice, but a choice you take EVERY day for the rest of the time, your relationship lasts.
Right choices lock your inner decision maker!
If there is a real choice, then the old part of the brain (the reptile brain + the middle brain, which is rather primitive) believes, that all other choices are wrong!
Then just keep in mind, that you do not make the wrong choice (which is all other choices than the right one).
The old part of the brain therefore easily goes into alarm mode, or at least in stress gear.
Alarm condition / stress is the worst starting point for making decisions. Because there is the "instinct noise" - while the rational part (neocortex) is inhibited.
Furthermore, when the alarm / stress condition exceeds a certain level, the system shuts off emotions.
It is therefore also not possible to feel the heart or hear your intuition in that state.
On the other hand, there is typically a lot of worry-grabbing thoughts!
If you make a decision in this state, then it is only the survival instinct, that makes the decision.
The part of the brain that reacts with fight, flight or freeze
1) Many people ends up in freeze.
These people do not make a decision at all!
You can't make a decision!
Just read that phrase again:
You can't make a decision!
Because life continues, and your non-decision has consequences, just as if you had made an active choice.
The difference is that you become a spectator of your life, while other people's decisions and time will shape your life.
2) Others will escape.
3) Others will again fight, where it would have been more healthy for them to let go.
A big decision taken in that alarm condition state often proves to be a bad decision. For example, whether the partner is the right one and must be your life companion, whether the job is the right one or the home is.
An attatchment therapist says, that she meets many in her practice, who have ended a relationship, because their system went off-gear.
It is super good if the partner was unhealthy to be with. But we are talking about where the partner has had some quality.
Sad for both ...
Sad for the love, that did not unfold.
Just as sad and as often she have met those who have fought too much and for too long in a relationship. Sometimes they even pushed the love away by struggling so bravely.
No matter what situation, you can use these 3 steps:
Step 1: Regulate the nervous system (ANS) with various methods (water tank exercise, breathing awareness, here-and-now exercise, etc.) and any healing of old wounds.
Step 2: Clarify What is a good-enough choice for you?
A good-enough choice will bring you closer or perhaps all the way to unfold your vision, for example your love vision.
A good-enough choice is good for you and the other involved. Even if you are not guaranteed whether it is good for the rest of your life. There is no one who can know.
If it later turns out, that there is something else that at that time is a better choice, make sure you have the power to make that choice.
Check out your good enough choice with others who have competencies within your choice. If you have made your (love) vision right 😉 it's easier to determine if your choice will be a good-enough choice for you
Step 3: Take this good-enough choice!
It will soothe your nervous system and get you back to you again.
Let me emphasize:
The perfect partner does NOT exist.
Only the good-enough partner for you 😉
Love is a CHOICE!
Not a one-time choice, but a choice you take EVERY day for the rest of the time, your relationship lasts.