does this sound like he's a DA? sorry kinda long

hello,
i'm new here , but have been reading a lot on attachment styles. it's been eye opening to me.

when I met the guy who i now think is a DA I feel like I was more secure l.regardless i felt like i was in a very good place emotionally. i wasn't looking for a relationship either...

this is how it started.
he would always look at me from across the bar...he always looked kinda familiar to me.
one day in december he bought me a drink from across the bar..i said to the bartender but i don't even know him and he said you don't have to accept it.
i accepted it and later he came across briefly to say hello and give me his card. he didn't stay long to chat and later said he was afraid of rejection.

so for three months the relationship was us just meeting whenever i was out his way .. we kept in contact via text and it was fun and light and spontaneous .
simetumes he didn't know if he could get out of work to meet but he always showed up
our energy was great ...i watched for signs and flags because i had been in an abusive relationship in the past and went to therapy. for this reason i took things slow and kept some distance.
i never initiated contact and mostly took days to reply

we tried to set up dates and had one planned but he texted he had a working dinner and i wasn't feeling up to it so we postponed it.

i had a lot going on in my life and was in the process of moving out of state.
when that fell thru and i was stressed i told him what was going on and he was supportive and even offered me money to get out of the lease.
when i was out of state handling it he was in contact daily and i also replied to him

when i returned back home he texted but i had a back injury and a lot i was dealing with so took about a week to reply .... we met up as usual and then he helped me with some groceries since i was in pain he grabbed my hand and we walked around the store and shopped...later we kissed and he shook

he then perused me all week as i said he usually drops off ...it felt nice but also to me a tad annoying as i was handling stuff plus in pain.

i had to cancel the date , and at first he was ok with it but then replied that he understood i didn't want to keep in touch ... i said i was disappointed he didn't believe my pain and he apologized a few times

i took some space and finally reached out and he replied right away
all his replies were instant back then his one parent was not doing well and he had stuff with work
he called me that nite and it was so much better than text he claimed back then some people don't like the phone.
fast forward to the second nite we kissed ..st the end of a great nite he called me the wrong name and i was upset ... before i could calm down he dumps on me that he has a ghost of an x that is in his life and he feels like a yo yo and he needs to meet and tell her he needs closure ...
he feels like he's cheating on her
i didn't handle that well at all and had a mini meltdown because i was emotional and drinking .
next week i ask him to meet up and help me with groceries and he agreed
at that time all my texts were now replied to within 24 hrs
i called him and asked what time and he surpringly called me back

we met and he talked about us being friends because he enjoys our time together i was relieved as i didn't want a relationship with all i was dealing with so i invited him out as friends for that saturday...well the end of the nite we kiss and he is all happy and says more of that to come
saturday we meet up and he holds my hand tells me to relax and we had a great nite he was kissing me so attentive and he opened up s lot

end of the nite he said he hoped he didn't feel like he was cheating on the ghost and i reassured him and told him he did nothing wrong. he said that was the nicest thing i ever said to him..i also told him he could call anytime

next day he texts me but there is no text exchange he then drops off so i reach out and again delayed reply to me so i ask if he wants me to go away and he said no his life is complicated and had nothing to do with me

so i happen to numb into him and it did not go well at all looking back i see i was triggered , my anxiety was thru the roof and i pressed him for another date he then said he needs us to be neutral like we always have been and he doesn't want to push people away he cares about but that he has no emotional bandwidth right now ...between his family issues with his kid and parent he hugged me a few times even introduced me to work colleagues
i didn't understand and when he left texted him and said i liked when we would go out and he said he did too and he thinks we are both emotional right now
my phone died and i stayed there and talked to a few strangers who gave me bad advice that i took

i stupidly texted him for closure thinking he would never call well there he was right away replying
he called and barely spoke ...he now said he thought he had the emotional depth for a relationship but he doesn't think he has it right now and is conflicted and then he added the ghost and anything physical made him feel bad about himself. he said we both got hurt and i asked how he got hurt and he said beaxus he hurt someomelese
i was gentle with him as years back i had a guy in and out of my life and i had no clue about phantom ex like i do now . so our situations were not the same.
i asked why he kissed me even if he knew he was hung up on her? he said he tried to move past it but he just can't right now he thinks one day he can.
i asked what we would do if we meet and he said we could chat and then said whatever is good for me the call ended with we will figure it out.

well after the call ended my anxiety kicked in and i texted him how i felt lied to and conned and how could he etc etc it wasn't good
i later apologized and he declined one offer to meet up

i randomly ran into him and he ran from me ..i did manage to get reasons why he didn't even feel we could be friends
he said he didn't know what he could offer right now, i asked if he wanted me to leave him alone and he said yes right now he needed to get thru work and handle the family issues work would stop in 2.5 weeks.
he felt we both needed space and he knew he did he couldn't deal with anymore complications
he also said he didn't want things to escalate if we did go out and i said it wouldn't as i now know he didn't want a relationship
i point blank asked him if he wanted me out of his life for good and he said he did not think that but he didn't like being badgered st either
i then asked ok but if we see each other here then what do u want since u need space he said look we can talk and be friends i like you and i'm fond of you and i ask then why are u kicking me out if your life and he said he has no bandwidth right now
he said a few times i looked great
i thought we left it at he would reach out but he never did
so for six weeks i avoided him and did not reach out.
over the weekend i went out and he was out and i waited for him to leave and then went for some food i hadn't sat there in two months
i texted him later and that has gone ignored
it was a text saying i hoped he was doing ok with all he was handling and i was doing well and we should catch up sometime. i didn't ask to meet
i feel ignored and now no clue what to do if i see him while out ..last weekend i saw him sharing a text with another guy
i hate feeling like i did something wrong and i have to avoid him ..some of the staff know of his ghost and obviously know we aren't together.

for a relationship that was mainly friends this hurts for me. if he's so fond of me why avoid me?