Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Jul 4, 2019 12:15:08 GMT
I'm having this experience where I'm getting highly distrustful of a colleague who appears to be very nice and helpful and nurturing, and does all the right things to service other people. My experience with and sense of him is that he reads your reactions/interests/conversation points and then mirrors it back to you to build rapport, but there never seems to be a real solid individual interacting with you. he's never done anything untoward or bad, if anything he's overly angelic, but i really dislike it because i feel like he's not reading me to help me, but rather to manage me and work towards building a relationship which he can use for his own goals. it reminds me of AP/DA characteristics and dynamics. that is something i really come to dislike, and it's triggering me and causing me to be super avoidant and distant with him.
has anyone has that experience?
|
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Jul 4, 2019 13:06:59 GMT
It may be that he is doing that, but your trigger is your own. It may be that that is not his intention at all. In the workplace, there are trained techniques for developing rapport and team building, etc.
Your avoidant reaction is your own to manage, along with the trigger. An opportunity for communication and your own integrity exists here. There are many options besides avoiding. You might try to show an interest in him that gives him a place to share his interests etc.
Life does not have to be an Ap/Da dynamic. You can being security and personal integrity (secure behavior that reflects good self care, and doesn't include defensive assumptions).
We are all just people, trying to get along in interpersonal dynamics. He may be annoying to you but you don't know his internal mechanism, or intention. In the workplace, is different from intimate dynamics. And, avoidance serves no one.
There are some interpersonal dynamics which are overtly destructive- complaining, aggression, self absorption, etc. Those also need to be dealt with coming from a place of self care and boundaries.
I think life presents many opportunities for us each to recognize how we interact with our own shadow, everywhere.
|
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Jul 4, 2019 13:34:25 GMT
Your musings are en pointe, and I am in agreement that my reaction is my own to manage, and that is why I am here. Intimate dynamics are not the same as workplace, At work, where promotions and such are at stake, I don't quite like being treated as if I can't take care of myself. I really dislike that but I recognise that I myself have done that as an AP and also in the familial context where I had to take care of everyone and therefore emotionally managed everyone without actually being present as myself.
I would appreciate it if others here have personal experiences that they can speak of and how they've navigated it.
|
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Jul 4, 2019 13:57:51 GMT
I offered ways to manage it from my own perspective, as an avoidant, apologies if they aren't helpful to you. Best of luck!
|
|
