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Post by stuckinamoment on Jul 6, 2019 21:08:37 GMT
my x us either da or fa
im still working on myself but today i'm more stuck than i have been
i noticed texts when we were just friends he was always happy to hear from me and upbeat used my name in texts all the time.... then after he told me of his ghost and my reaction he dropped off a bit and never did return to using my name
i assumed he was hiding a gf , as i had no clue about phantom xs...
its a drastic change ...and i guess i keep hoping that one day the old him would return
it's like he just has no care how i even am doing and i understand he has had two losses but even before that he just was so cold .
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Post by faithopelove on Jul 6, 2019 22:08:35 GMT
my x us either da or fa im still working on myself but today i'm more stuck than i have been i noticed texts when we were just friends he was always happy to hear from me and upbeat used my name in texts all the time.... then after he told me of his ghost and my reaction he dropped off a bit and never did return to using my name i assumed he was hiding a gf , as i had no clue about phantom xs... its a drastic change ...and i guess i keep hoping that one day the old him would return it's like he just has no care how i even am doing and i understand he has had two losses but even before that he just was so cold . It’s probably hard for other attachment styles to relate, but when a DA shuts down and deactivates, they just turn it off and shut down. My DA turned into a different person after our break- they usually have very strong and clear boundaries and will have no problem establishing and keeping them in a way of self defense. At this stage they think only of themselves and not how it affects you. They are focused on self. Self care, self-soothing and self-preservation. So, the nicknames or affectionate things they did in the past will no longer exist. This is typical DA behavior. My DA was great until our relationship wasn’t a perfect fantasy anymore- he then deactivated and pulled away. An FA is more likely to come back due to their anxiety. |
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Post by stuckinamoment on Jul 6, 2019 22:39:05 GMT
faithopelove thank you for that clarification. i've never had anything like this before . i forced the closure as he was acting so odd... he was so cold during that phone call and would just say he had no emotional depth and his life was more complicated than it should be....and it sucked fr us both and he would see me in the future . he decided over nite after hugging me the day before etc i had no clue and i was triggered so i said stuff i regret now. i bumped into him a few weeks afte rthat and he ran..but he did provide more info and said he thought we both needed space and he couldn't handle more complications and for me to wait for him to reach out... he of course didn't until i said i was concerned then he did and gave me a more detailed reply of his loses and again busy with work...and then back to ignoring me again. im not sure why he replied at all to only ignore again and i guess i'm wondering if he will be back or will run if i see him does a DA deactivate if they have other stuff going on in their lives like my x with two losses now ? i guess i wanted to believe he wanted to be friends i'm not even sure u can approach this.
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