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Post by tnr9 on Sept 24, 2023 20:07:31 GMT
A few weeks ago D reached out….I met him at a record store while I was in college and we had a music connection and a bit of a crush thing. At first I thought it was a scammer so I asked him questions that only the real D would know and he answered them correctly. At first it was recollecting the music we both like but recently he seems to be focused on memories of us being “into” each other (ie focusing on how much he loved my hair, how great of a kisser I was etc.). It would be one thing if we were both single….but he is married with a 14 year old son. How do keep this above board when he keeps wanting to talk about the past?
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Post by introvert on Sept 25, 2023 1:18:49 GMT
Man,I wouldn't touch that with a 10 foot pole. You can't keep something above board that started well below it... terribly disrespectful to his wife!
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Post by tnr9 on Sept 25, 2023 2:39:18 GMT
Man,I wouldn't touch that with a 10 foot pole. You can't keep something above board that started well below it... terribly disrespectful to his wife! Yeh…I agree of your assessment. I keep trying to bring the conversation back to just normal conversation and he keeps taking it in a different direction….ugh. I don’t understand this at all.😕 |
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Post by mrob on Sept 25, 2023 2:41:47 GMT
Ask him how his wife is; How he met her; how their son is. Perhaps does his wife know he’s contacting an old flame? Deter him by giving him conscience. A reminded of reality.
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Post by introvert on Sept 25, 2023 3:39:50 GMT
Man,I wouldn't touch that with a 10 foot pole. You can't keep something above board that started well below it... terribly disrespectful to his wife! Yeh…I agree of your assessment. I keep trying to bring the conversation back to just normal conversation and he keeps taking it in a different direction….ugh. I don’t understand this at all.😕 Do you suffer from the quality of naivete? When I was more obtuse to the workings of others, I can admit that I was naive. A middle aged man, married, fourteen year old son. We speak of attachment insecurity here, and how unhealthy people use old flames to triangulate with their current partner. And here he is, and ancient flame, producing memories of your crush from college!! What do you think? Reasons a man may do this: Mid life crisis.... have I still got "it"? A teenage boy can be very challenging, stressful for parents. Escape from the realities of his responsibility at home? Menopause or perimenopause in his wife... and the issues that arise in a relationship due to this... Sensing your insecurity and ability to effectively stroke his ego then and hoping it still exists now.... The likelihood that this is an innocent, wholesome reunion, given his attachment to the past and sexual memories that he likely wouldn't discuss with his wife, is pretty much nil. Why are you entertaining this? It's like this. If a man is talking to you in a way he likely wouldn't with his wife present, cut him off, it's not ok. |
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Post by kirrok on Sept 25, 2023 13:52:53 GMT
What are you getting out of this exchange? This person is objectifying you for his own unknown reasons. Does that feel good?
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Post by introvert on Sept 25, 2023 17:32:02 GMT
I eventually had the insight that my inner child/teen was so hungry for being treated as a person of value, that I mistook predatory interactions as a substitute for authentic connection.
I imagine there's a pretty painful place in you that's confused by this guy's signals. We are here for you to unpack it, there's the adult perspective and child perspective at play in all these things.
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Post by tnr9 on Sept 25, 2023 22:27:49 GMT
I eventually had the insight that my inner child/teen was so hungry for being treated as a person of value, that I mistook predatory interactions as a substitute for authentic connection. I imagine there's a pretty painful place in you that's confused by this guy's signals. We are here for you to unpack it, there's the adult perspective and child perspective at play in all these things. It is @introvert….confused…but also so…flattered by attention from someone I once had feelings for…but at the same time….icky because there is no way his wife knows about this. I never considered him a narc…but I get gaslighting, apologetic, feeding off my feelings of sympathy vibes. He talks so matter of fact about his son and wife….and I keep asking him about them…but then it returns to this weird space. |
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Post by introvert on Sept 25, 2023 23:35:06 GMT
I eventually had the insight that my inner child/teen was so hungry for being treated as a person of value, that I mistook predatory interactions as a substitute for authentic connection. I imagine there's a pretty painful place in you that's confused by this guy's signals. We are here for you to unpack it, there's the adult perspective and child perspective at play in all these things. It is @introvert….confused…but also so…flattered by attention from someone I once had feelings for…but at the same time….icky because there is no way his wife knows about this. I never considered him a narc…but I get gaslighting, apologetic, feeding off my feelings of sympathy vibes. He talks so matter of fact about his son and wife….and I keep asking him about them…but then it returns to this weird space. You have a serious boundary issue if you are looking for validation and flattery from someone else's husband. |
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Post by tnr9 on Sept 26, 2023 1:40:42 GMT
It is @introvert….confused…but also so…flattered by attention from someone I once had feelings for…but at the same time….icky because there is no way his wife knows about this. I never considered him a narc…but I get gaslighting, apologetic, feeding off my feelings of sympathy vibes. He talks so matter of fact about his son and wife….and I keep asking him about them…but then it returns to this weird space. You have a serious boundary issue if you are looking for validation and flattery from someone else's husband. No…that isn’t the case….it isn’t an adult part of me that feels flattered…it is a very, very young part….the adult in me knows better and sees through this and isn’t interested in any of these shenanigans. I am just being honest about the young child part because it is still there…and unfortunately for many years, I too confused the attention for something different from what it was. I am not engaging….and he is currently silent….but if he reaches out again…I have my exit text worked out. |
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Post by tnr9 on Sept 26, 2023 2:32:51 GMT
Here is my intended response….Although I have appreciated reconnecting with you, I want to be respectful of your wife and son. Since our communication has resulted in some inappropriate comments, I think it is best that we stop our communication. I wish you, your wife and your son all the best.
Thoughts?
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Post by introvert on Sept 26, 2023 2:41:21 GMT
You have a serious boundary issue if you are looking for validation and flattery from someone else's husband. No…that isn’t the case….it isn’t an adult part of me that feels flattered…it is a very, very young part….the adult in me knows better and sees through this and isn’t interested in any of these shenanigans. I am just being honest about the young child part because it is still there…and unfortunately for many years, I too confused the attention for something different from what it was. I am not engaging….and he is currently silent….but if he reaches out again…I have my exit text worked out. Oh gotcha! That's good 😃 |
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Post by introvert on Sept 26, 2023 5:09:37 GMT
Here is my intended response….Although I have appreciated reconnecting with you, I want to be respectful of your wife and son. Since our communication has resulted in some inappropriate comments, I think it is best that we stop our communication. I wish you, your wife and your son all the best. Thoughts? Yeah and I would block after sending or at least just drop it, and be done without any back and forth. It already went too long, he's got issues. |
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Post by tnr9 on Sept 26, 2023 19:37:03 GMT
Here is my intended response….Although I have appreciated reconnecting with you, I want to be respectful of your wife and son. Since our communication has resulted in some inappropriate comments, I think it is best that we stop our communication. I wish you, your wife and your son all the best. Thoughts? Yeah and I would block after sending or at least just drop it, and be done without any back and forth. It already went too long, he's got issues. I agree….I should have known based on the initial communication which I thought was from a scammer where he ended it by saying…I hope you are well sweet girl. Something is sooooo not right and I just realized that he only recontacted me last Friday and only sent messages from Friday to Sunday and he is radio silent. |
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Post by introvert on Sept 27, 2023 0:13:59 GMT
Yeah and I would block after sending or at least just drop it, and be done without any back and forth. It already went too long, he's got issues. I agree….I should have known based on the initial communication which I thought was from a scammer where he ended it by saying…I hope you are well sweet girl. Something is sooooo not right and I just realized that he only recontacted me last Friday and only sent messages from Friday to Sunday and he is radio silent. Yeah he was out of line, sorry that happened to you. |
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