Lola
Junior Member
Posts: 71 
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Post by Lola on Jan 22, 2018 14:47:52 GMT
Hey! So recently I’ve been doing a lot better with no contact, but once in a while it gets under my skin and hurts me so much. My boyfriend has been emotionally abusive for about 8-9 months and I can’t leave him. He is ignoring me even though I’m depressed and my family is breaking apart among other fucked up stuff. It is not his responsibility and stuff, but what hurts me is the apathy. I was doing so well minding my own business and hanging out with my friends. Maybe it’s because it’s my birthday tomorrow and I already know he still will act like I don’t exist.
How do you stop the hurt and move on?
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Post by Jaeger on Jan 22, 2018 15:08:15 GMT
A lot of the things you're saying are explained in this thread: jebkinnison.boards.net/thread/523/addicted-romantic-partnerI would advise you to check the article mentioned there. It also deals with strategies to start feeling better and how to start healing. I hope you'll find it to be of use in feeling better! |
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Post by tnr9 on Jan 22, 2018 17:17:20 GMT
Hey! So recently I’ve been doing a lot better with no contact, but once in a while it gets under my skin and hurts me so much. My boyfriend has been emotionally abusive for about 8-9 months and I can’t leave him. He is ignoring me even though I’m depressed and my family is breaking apart among other fucked up stuff. It is not his responsibility and stuff, but what hurts me is the apathy. I was doing so well minding my own business and hanging out with my friends. Maybe it’s because it’s my birthday tomorrow and I already know he still will act like I don’t exist. How do you stop the hurt and move on? First of all...I am so very sorry for what you are going through....you deserve to be seen, heard, loved, respected and appreciated for who you are as you are right now. I noticed you said you can't leave him. It will be very difficult for you to move forward with that mindset because it will block any efforts you make and just keep you stuck. If you can...change can't with choose. Currently I am choosing to not let go of him. It is a much more gentle phrasing and puts you and not your fear, anxiety or attachment system in control. Just try it. It is a trick my therapist provided after she noticed I used a lot of should and can't thoughts. Another thing ink that helped me was to realize that this is a process.....getting over someone is not linear...the timeline is very indivual....and you are grieving. Allow yourself to grieve. As as far as thoughts go...if I am in my "if only" mindset (which happens a lot still), I will remind myself that a healthy relationship required 2 people working on it. You are not responsible for his behavior...his apathy has nothing to do with you...it is a part of who he is. That is a tough one to accept....but it is the truth. Also, when I am triggered...I like to journal.....I write down every single thought, no matter how ludicrous it sounds...that way it is out of my head. I start my journal with....my abandonment story is telling me....That way I can detach a bit from the thoughts. I hope this is helpful. |
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Lola
Junior Member
Posts: 71
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Post by Lola on Jan 22, 2018 19:00:54 GMT
Hey! So recently I’ve been doing a lot better with no contact, but once in a while it gets under my skin and hurts me so much. My boyfriend has been emotionally abusive for about 8-9 months and I can’t leave him. He is ignoring me even though I’m depressed and my family is breaking apart among other fucked up stuff. It is not his responsibility and stuff, but what hurts me is the apathy. I was doing so well minding my own business and hanging out with my friends. Maybe it’s because it’s my birthday tomorrow and I already know he still will act like I don’t exist. How do you stop the hurt and move on? First of all...I am so very sorry for what you are going through....you deserve to be seen, heard, loved, respected and appreciated for who you are as you are right now. I noticed you said you can't leave him. It will be very difficult for you to move forward with that mindset because it will block any efforts you make and just keep you stuck. If you can...change can't with choose. Currently I am choosing to not let go of him. It is a much more gentle phrasing and puts you and not your fear, anxiety or attachment system in control. Just try it. It is a trick my therapist provided after she noticed I used a lot of should and can't thoughts. Another thing ink that helped me was to realize that this is a process.....getting over someone is not linear...the timeline is very indivual....and you are grieving. Allow yourself to grieve. As as far as thoughts go...if I am in my "if only" mindset (which happens a lot still), I will remind myself that a healthy relationship required 2 people working on it. You are not responsible for his behavior...his apathy has nothing to do with you...it is a part of who he is. That is a tough one to accept....but it is the truth. Also, when I am triggered...I like to journal.....I write down every single thought, no matter how ludicrous it sounds...that way it is out of my head. I start my journal with....my abandonment story is telling me....That way I can detach a bit from the thoughts. I hope this is helpful. Thank you for this. You have a calming effect. You're right, I shall choose not to be with him. Never really was with him after the emotional abuse started anyway |
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Post by tnr9 on Jan 23, 2018 0:21:16 GMT
Here is an example of my journal....My abandonment story is telling me that my ex is doing great. I see him sitting at home, listening to Christian music, studying for his test. I see him IMing his best friend and some other girl and he is happy. He isn't caught up in his old destructive behaviors and has embraced new healthy habits. He is pulling his life together, he doesn't want or need me...in fact, I am the furthest thing from his mind. I blew it...if I had done things right and perfect, he would still be dating me. That was a recent entry....I tend not to be able to see just how ugly, twisted and self abandoning my thoughts become until I get them out on paper. I wrote that after seeing he added a new Christian song to his YouTube page...just that one song and look where my mind went. So it is good to write it out.  |
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