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Post by Deleted on Jan 29, 2018 4:06:28 GMT
what i mean by this, is a relocation implies a commitment.
unless you are moving for some other reason?
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Post by Deleted on Jan 29, 2018 4:59:58 GMT
awh anxious, i know this is really hard, but you probably aren’t in a place to make a commitment either. Sometimes we grasp and what we think we need because we aren’t yet familiar with what we actually need. To put your eggs in his basket would be risking a lot of eggs. It’s ok to get really confused and turned around but when you get insight into what the next right thing is for you, you have to take responsibility for it because if you don’t the only one failing in their commitment to you ... is you. i am coming from a supportive place, not a judgemenal one. Yea, I’m backpeddling so furiously that I’m having whiplash. I understand what you’re saying, and I agree. My first and foremost commitment is to myself. Right now I’m just in a place of trying to figure out myself, and if leaving the relationship is the right thing to do for myself or just a function of my AP tendencies (which include f**k this, I’m not committed If you’re not!). I’m relocating for work purposes. We were already in different countries though same continent, and he visits my city for work. Now I’m relocating to a different continent which is impossible for him to visit given the current situation . I could visit him which is why I kind of wanted to chat about that possibility. |
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Post by kristyrose on Jan 29, 2018 5:07:45 GMT
This, tgat, (“If i am being asked about a circular issue in which i have already expressed myself as clearly as i can i will internally groan and want to avoid it”), spoke to me and I can almost hear the sigh in my DAs voice as he types something he has already answered. He hates that. And I find myself seeking reassurance for the same thing too much when I get anxious. I’ll have to have this tattooed on my forehead: STOP BEATING THAT DAMN DEAD HORSE. madame, when you practice self soothing through the anxiety, are you tending more toward distracting yourself, or are you taking time with the anxiety to identify it, and speak to it? Your anxiety, the way i see it, is the little girl inside of you that needs reassurance that she is valued, lovable, and safe. no one else can give her that but you. And it isn’t a matter of telling her that HE loves her... it’s a matter of telling her that YOU do. It’s not a matter of getting him to listen and respond to her, she really needs that from you. She gets into the drivers seat sometimes but she really need you to take over the wheel. That’s how i have dealt with my internal stuff for a long time and it’s been very nurturing and transformative for me. HOLY S Tgat! That is perfectly stated and exactly how I work on my inner little girl. I've been learning how to self soothe and it is really calming my anxiety down. I tell myself that I am safe as long as I stay with myself. When I find my mind drifting to assuming the worst with my ex, I tell myself that I need to actually be here for Kristy- so I shift my mind and practice techniques such as checking in with how my body feels- am I tense? does my stomach hurt? I also try to slow down my breathing and I repeat to myself, "stay with yourself"- when I abandon me to ponder what he is doing or thinking, it only increase my anxiety. Madame I hope this can help you as well! |
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