When typical vs. avoidant get blurred

Sometimes I think the AP-avoidant situation can make one lose sight of what is typical, reasonable, normal, human, etc. For example, I start to wonder if there are behaviors I interpret as "avoidant" that maybe are just how people are-- that nobody is going to be as responsive as I would want the avoidant person to be and so I keep reading them as avoidant when they're just being how people are, wrapped up in their own lives, an imperfect human. I feel like I have no idea what is reasonable to want or not want sometimes, like is it me or is it them...