What are your deactivation behaviors? Apr 18, 2018 3:07:11 GMT via mobile
Post by juniper on Apr 18, 2018 3:07:11 GMT
I can relate to feeling frustrated and overwhelmed that my internal emotional battles that won’t just stop and allow me to be the person I work so hard to be. Maybe, allow yourself this time to feel the way you do and tomorrow or the next day start working back towards opening up and find your balance again. Take peace in knowing those who care about you will still be there when your ready. to reamerge.
this post touched me, and especially because you noticed that i am overwhelmed that my internal emotional battles will not allow me to be the person i work so hard to be. that is exactly right.
i love who i am for the most part and my independence is a strength to me. but at times like this it goes haywire. i could have hurt my partner badly, i could have hurt myself also by sabotaging. I feel powerless over it when it is happening, and then i look back and just can't believe it. i can't believe that i used to pick fights and hurt him when i was feeling this way. he has forgiven so much. i am glad that we don't do that to each other any more. we handle it differently. this is the most secure i felt based on his response, that i ever have. so i feel like tomorrow will be better.
also, all of you empathizing with my situation, with pain and death so prominent in my life right now, i notice this has helped me feel a lot more peace this evening. Like, even when i lose my loved ones, or i distance from my partner, there are so many wonderful humans there to catch me and help me. I don't usually notice that so much, the way that others can help me feel lighter and not alone. i don't usually need that at all.
it makes me feel a little more able to relax with my partner. i do look forward to talking to him on the other side of this. we had such a great weekend and then this. im still not quite over it. i'm glad he isn't feeling threatened, i'm glad also he kept contact simple and will let me have the space to recover. good grief this is stupid. it seems like i should just be able to get it together and be normal.
thank you, for being so supportive, i don't even understand this myself. i read some literature on dismissive i haven't seen before. it was gentle. so that helped also.