|
|
Post by tnr9 on Apr 17, 2018 19:31:01 GMT
B has deleted his MySpace account...which he is completely allowed to do. What I hate is all the BS I associate with it....it isn't just that he deleted it...oh no...in my wonderful thinking process, he deleted it because he is dating someone (this is the rationale my brain has for him deleting it...my brain cannot come up with any other explanation..just that there is a girl). Now, B is completely allowed to date anyone he chooses....he doesn't owe me anything, i don't have any entitlement feelings....but here is what my lovely thought process does.
B deletes account
to my brain: there must be a girl
but my brain does not stop there: she is better, younger, prettier than I am. She will succeed where I failed. She will make him happy. He will be so grateful that she is in his life...and on and on it goes....like the worst self encouragement tape EVER.
Now I know my brain is simply trying to protect me from actual pain by showing me the worst outcome so that I will be prepared. And I am not even mad at my brain....I am just REALLY tired of needing to finish the story. I don't understand why my brain cannot stop at...B deleted his MySpace account...isn't that interesting...and move on with my life. All the rest of it is just speculation....but my brain treats it like fact. So far I have had zero success at reading B's mind but that does not stop my brain. Just venting.
|
|
|
|
Post by tnr9 on Apr 17, 2018 21:15:14 GMT
MySpace? Wow, I didn't think anyone had a MySpace anymore, LOL Yes, our minds will make us crazy, won't they. Have you tried telling yourself something different? In other words, tell yourself, "B deleted his page bcuz it is outdated and no one uses MySpace anymore". Whenever, your mind wanders, repeat that. It's probably the truth anyway 😊 I know right....B had a couple of old social media accounts that I found by doing searches. We never discussed them, but they (in a way) made me feel connected to him in times when I felt disconnected. The fact is..it isn't about MySpace or any other social media....it is truly a fear of the loss of "hope"...the loss of B. I am super sensitive to the "removal" of things....photos, accounts etc. Thankfully I don't stay in swirl territory for nearly as long as I used to...within 10 minutes of my post, I was back to being above the circumstances. I truly think none of this is really B, but what the loss of B represents. My parents divorced when I was 9 and I blamed myself for my dad not wanting me (he won a custody battle for me but did not take me) so I think I just have a lot of unprocessed fear from that time that make their appearance when I feel a "loss". Obviously the story I made up is not one from an adult perspective so that just means more internal work ahead. Thank you for the suggestion...I will try to remind myself that it is just the removal of an old social media and nothing more.🤔 |
|
|
|
Post by tnr9 on Apr 18, 2018 0:51:33 GMT
Earlier tonight I wanted to check the last time that B was on IM.....I gently reminded myself that knowing isn't really knowing because of his large list of friends, it would be too easy to speculate that it is a girl and to continue the swirl from earlier. I am grateful that I did not check and was able to move beyond that moment...but today has been rough.
|
|
|
|
Post by leavethelighton on Apr 18, 2018 23:18:00 GMT
I think your self awareness of the situation is half the battle.
Would it help to write down all the other possible reasons he may have deleted it?
|
|
|
|
Post by tnr9 on Apr 19, 2018 2:14:09 GMT
I think your self awareness of the situation is half the battle. Would it help to write down all the other possible reasons he may have deleted it? Thank you....I would love to write down other reasons...but I just can't think of any. Suggestions are definately welcome. |
|
|
|
Post by leavethelighton on Apr 22, 2018 23:24:38 GMT
TNR9, Okay, for example: *Maybe he just doesnn't like Myspace anymore, or decided to put his energy into a different form of social media *He wants more balance in his life and so is trying to spend less time on the internet *Some reason having nothing to do with you made Myspace unpleasant, such as he had a harrasser or his account keeps getting hacked *He is looking for new jobs and so minimizing his online presence. Maybe he got a super secret government job and they are making him get rid of it (I'm totally joking on this one, but it's possible) *He is trying to get away from someone else on Myspace, but it isn't you *He didn't log in for so long that Myspace just deleted him on its own Etc. Keep adding to this list  I'm sure you could come up with a few more |
|
|
|
Post by tnr9 on Apr 23, 2018 17:34:26 GMT
TNR9, Okay, for example: *Maybe he just doesnn't like Myspace anymore, or decided to put his energy into a different form of social media *He wants more balance in his life and so is trying to spend less time on the internet *Some reason having nothing to do with you made Myspace unpleasant, such as he had a harrasser or his account keeps getting hacked *He is looking for new jobs and so minimizing his online presence. Maybe he got a super secret government job and they are making him get rid of it (I'm totally joking on this one, but it's possible) *He is trying to get away from someone else on Myspace, but it isn't you *He didn't log in for so long that Myspace just deleted him on its own Etc. Keep adding to this list I'm sure you could come up with a few more Gosh....no one has ever taken my struggle "seriously" and offered helpful options....this is so very kind of you. I honestly think I need someone to do that when I get into my storytelling mode....when I latch on to one negative outcome and lose sight of anything else. *He wants to put space between who he is now and who he was during his MySpace years *He is a secret agent (ok, that was for laughs) Honestly...Thank You!!! |
|
|
|
Post by leavethelighton on Apr 25, 2018 0:48:31 GMT
TNR9, Okay, for example: *Maybe he just doesnn't like Myspace anymore, or decided to put his energy into a different form of social media *He wants more balance in his life and so is trying to spend less time on the internet *Some reason having nothing to do with you made Myspace unpleasant, such as he had a harrasser or his account keeps getting hacked *He is looking for new jobs and so minimizing his online presence. Maybe he got a super secret government job and they are making him get rid of it (I'm totally joking on this one, but it's possible) *He is trying to get away from someone else on Myspace, but it isn't you *He didn't log in for so long that Myspace just deleted him on its own Etc. Keep adding to this list I'm sure you could come up with a few more Gosh....no one has ever taken my struggle "seriously" and offered helpful options....this is so very kind of you. I honestly think I need someone to do that when I get into my storytelling mode....when I latch on to one negative outcome and lose sight of anything else. *He wants to put space between who he is now and who he was during his MySpace years *He is a secret agent (ok, that was for laughs) Honestly...Thank You!!! No prob! I like brainstorming. Of course it's a lot easier to do it for someone else than for one's self... (sigh) I should write myself these lists. |
|
I'm sure you could come up with a few more