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Post by tnr9 on May 3, 2018 12:01:13 GMT
So recently I have been paying a lot more attention to "not so subtle" patterns....hoping to grow into a more secure individual...and I noticed that whenever I feel "judged" by others (this is usually perceived judgement versus actual judgement) I want to reach out to B....I want reassurance that it will all be ok. As I am trying to learn to self sooth, I just notice and am curious about the things I do as B replacements...such as, an increased number of visits to this site, an increased number of visits to FB including B's page, a heightened number of abandonment stories (usually a story about B liking someone else)....right now I am simply observing and accepting these activities with no self judgement. What I plan to do in the future is to add in some positive memories from friends, family, my faith that I hope will help to create a more reliable self soothing process. It is my understanding that secures can hold a memory of being loved and that is what allows them to be confident in exploring and not taking things personally. Hoping this works well.
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Post by leavethelighton on May 4, 2018 0:05:34 GMT
I do similar things in fantasy. You could even have a fantasy--whatever-- angel, healer, best friend, spirit guide, lover, whatever would provide that soothing connective context. Or a fantasy natural setting like a forest lake or walking alone on a beach or whatever your thing is.
That's interesting what you say about perceived judgement. Why do you think B is the person you want to reach out to when you feel that from someone? Did B used to take on a soothing role for you?
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Post by tnr9 on May 4, 2018 11:16:46 GMT
I do similar things in fantasy. You could even have a fantasy--whatever-- angel, healer, best friend, spirit guide, lover, whatever would provide that soothing connective context. Or a fantasy natural setting like a forest lake or walking alone on a beach or whatever your thing is. That's interesting what you say about perceived judgement. Why do you think B is the person you want to reach out to when you feel that from someone? Did B used to take on a soothing role for you? Whenever I am stressed, afraid, lonely, feeling judged etc. I want to reach out to B. It is because he is now my main attachment figure (I do this with all my partners...and my heart really has not let B go from that position)...I don't actually "act" upon the desire to reach out..that is what leads to the other behaviors noted above. Recently I have had some amazing images of B and I on a beach, hand in hand, just talking and smiling with each other...honestly it is incredibly soothing to my soul. The state of the relationship in that image isn't defined...and surprisingly, I am ok with it. It also marks a breakthrough in how I see B....my thoughts used to be of a romantic nature...but I find that the simple act of walking hand in hand is more soothing actually. I was just (as in 30 minutes ago) scared and had that image and now I am calm again. I am Christian....so I also have some really great moments with Jesus...in fact....He has been in many of the images with B and I....and that just adds to the comfort I feel. I love going for walks as well...I tend to look for Robins because they hold a special meaning for me in my faith. BTW..thank you for always being kind to me.🙂 |
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