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Post by notalone on Aug 5, 2018 21:54:26 GMT
So, juniper, why do you assume all APs are like your mother (this being in the AP section)? I see her making a connection between her ex partners and her mother, I don't see her making the generalization you're accusing her of. Me either. |
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Post by tnr9 on Aug 5, 2018 22:10:15 GMT
As I see it..the question was open to everyone and just happened to be posted in the AP section. 🙂
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Post by Deleted on Aug 5, 2018 22:21:12 GMT
!) This is the AP section of the forum - about 'repetition compulsion' / to do with being attracted to partners similar to your parents / caregivers.
2) the comment I made was a question - not an 'accusation'.
3) I have been on a Hoffman course - tell me any Hoffman graduate that hasn't become really aware, processed and changed (maybe not completely, but in a big way) their own and awareness of others they interact / have interacted with, attachment style, massively.
4) The post is in reference to trauma-bonding. Trauma-bonding triggers are created, initially, from our original caregivers (although there may be rare exceptions) - so the post referred to the posters upbringing, which would affect / create their attachment style - which the poster states is DA... yet the post is within the AP section, which the post has stated (in other posts) that they cannot comprehend certain aspects of.
- So, the question deduced was, simply, asking - since this is the AP section - why that the poster relates AP behaviour as like their mother.
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Post by Deleted on Aug 5, 2018 22:34:49 GMT
!) This is the AP section of the forum - about 'repetition compulsion' / to do with being attracted to partners similar to your parents / caregivers. 2) the comment I made was a question - not an 'accusation'. 3) I have been on a Hoffman course - tell me any Hoffman graduate that hasn't become really aware, processed and changed (maybe not completely, but in a big way) their own and awareness of others they interact / have interacted with, attachment style, massively. 4) The post is in reference to trauma-bonding. Trauma-bonding triggers are created, initially, from our original caregivers (although there may be rare exceptions) - so the post referred to the posters upbringing, which would affect / create their attachment style - which the poster states is DA... yet the post is within the AP section, which the post has stated (in other posts) that they cannot comprehend certain aspects of. - So, the question deduced was, simply, asking - since this is the AP section - why that the poster relates AP behaviour as like their mother. WarriorGirl shut up and get off my back. blocked. |
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Post by brokenbiscuit on Aug 5, 2018 22:37:27 GMT
As I see it..the question was open to everyone and just happened to be posted in the AP section. 🙂 Yeah, I put it in here as this is where everyone hangs out. Whoops. I won't do that again! 😁 |
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Post by ocarina on Aug 5, 2018 22:38:01 GMT
So, juniper, why do you assume all APs are like your mother (this being in the AP section)? I can't see anything that suggests Juniper is assuming this either - yes it's the AP section but the topic was exploration of repetition compulsion irrespective of attachment type - and this seems to me to be what Juniper is discussing - I couldn't see any assumptions being made. |
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Post by ocarina on Aug 5, 2018 22:41:42 GMT
Interesting topic - the last relationship with a severely avoidant man, was attractive to me and felt like love simply because of the distance - it felt like coming home, but coming hope to my emotionally absent mother and physically absent father. So there was a sense of familiarity which equated with feeling "right" even though the dynamic was wrong. I guess we are wired to pick up on previous experience - for example we often stick with a style of dressing we enjoyed as a teen, or like the kind of houses we grew up in or whatever. There's something comforting about the familiar - even if it's a horribly toxic familiar sometimes it gives us a sense of belonging?
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Post by Deleted on Aug 5, 2018 22:54:48 GMT
As I see it..the question was open to everyone and just happened to be posted in the AP section. 🙂 Yeah, I put it in here as this is where everyone hangs out. Whoops. I won't do that again! 😁 you're good , this forum has worked like this a long time. there isn't a restriction or assumption of any kind made just because of where things are posted in the general forum, regardless of attachment type. the post warriorgirl made is a little off-key and was recognized as such. There is a courteous preference that the support forums be restricted to same -attachment type posters, so that there can be fellowship and understanding of shared issues. but the general forum is open to participation from anyone. And, i hope you realize that i was simply affirming that yes, as a fellow attachment injured person, i recognize the pattern well! Also, i wanted to offer encouragement about transcending it! Thanks for the thread and all your great contribution here. |
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Post by Deleted on Aug 5, 2018 23:08:41 GMT
Interesting topic - the last relationship with a severely avoidant man, was attractive to me and felt like love simply because of the distance - it felt like coming home, but coming hope to my emotionally absent mother and physically absent father. So there was a sense of familiarity which equated with feeling "right" even though the dynamic was wrong. I guess we are wired to pick up on previous experience - for example we often stick with a style of dressing we enjoyed as a teen, or like the kind of houses we grew up in or whatever. There's something comforting about the familiar - even if it's a horribly toxic familiar sometimes it gives us a sense of belonging? yes, and as a matter of fact, i believe i passed up a great guy once because he wasn't familiar! he was so kind, so thoughtful, and was interested in me. There was a more dangerous type of man, that was edgy, pursuing me also. I remember thinking to myself - edgy guy, i know how to do that. i know what to expect and i can handle it. i've survived so far. (🤔) The nice guy, i felt nervous. i thought: i don't know what will happen. How do i do this? It was so uncomfortable not knowing how to behave or relate. He seemed so normal, with a happy family, a good job, he was funny, smart, and relaxed. it made me feel shame about my family and my hardship. the edgy guy didn't care about my family. duh. he didn't care about me either. But i didn't feel ashamed. that was probably the most important,, to avoid the shame i felt about growing up in such a weird house. So, edgy guy won, if you consider landing a deeply dismissive woman "winning". 😕 I would have hurt nice guy really bad- instead i hurt myself. Ah, the memories. 🤮😑😑 |
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Post by brokenbiscuit on Aug 5, 2018 23:17:04 GMT
It's almost karmic isn't it? I don't know a great deal about Buddhism, but isn't there a thought there where you have to keep replaying the same thing over and over again across multiple lives until you eventually make the right decision and break out of the cycle?
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Post by Deleted on Aug 5, 2018 23:43:18 GMT
It's almost karmic isn't it? I don't know a great deal about Buddhism, but isn't there a thought there where you have to keep replaying the same thing over and over again across multiple lives until you eventually make the right decision and break out of the cycle? yes buddhist philosophy deals heavily with transforming karmic energy- cause and effect. I practice buddhist meditation and deep study of buddhist teaching, and the most transformative work i have done has been in the past four years with these tools. Understanding that we are a continuation of our genetic lineage helps us understand that we are also a continuation of our conscious lineage, our karmic inheritance includes positive and negative things from our parents, grandparents, all the way back. It is easy to see the truth in this when looking at attachment wounding. So, the buddhist practices have helped me TREMENDOUSLY, and i have practiced daily, certain meditations and exercises that provide insight and the ability to feel and understand both the suffering in my line and the positive things as well. The buddhist perspective is that awareness of our inner condition is the first step toward transforming it, of course. The mindfulness and transformation processes of western psychology are founded in buddhist principles to a large degree- at least, what is being used now has been in practice by buddhists for a couple thousand years. |
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Post by Deleted on Aug 5, 2018 23:46:39 GMT
it's interesting, i have found that buddhist philosophy and lifestyle appeals widely to dismissives that i know, because of the emphasis on independence and non-reliance on a diety i presume? it hasn't driven me further into avoidance but has provided a very safe and powerful way for me to evolve.
i am not saying that to the exclusion of any other attachment type, i'm just saying that i know a lot of dismissives that buddhist philosophy really resonates with.
i do not consider myself a buddhist, just a person who embraces the practices. good stuff, better than any therapy i ever had!
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Post by brokenbiscuit on Aug 6, 2018 0:14:19 GMT
Interesting stuff, especially the comment about following the inheritance patterns laid out for us by our ancestors. These cycles repeat and manifest across generations and also within a person's single lifetime. I knew Buddhism and Western psychoanalysis often went hand in hand, but this is a bit of a mini lightbulb moment for me!
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Post by Deleted on Aug 6, 2018 0:35:24 GMT
Interesting stuff, especially the comment about following the inheritance patterns laid out for us by our ancestors. These cycles repeat and manifest across generations and also within a person's single lifetime. I knew Buddhism and Western psychoanalysis often went hand in hand, but this is a bit of a mini lightbulb moment for me! if you take a look at the practice of the Three Earth Touchings taught by Thich Nhat Hahn, you might appreciate it. I did that practice nearly every day for three years and it really opened my heart up. the things that used to hurt so bad, don't haunt me anymore. i really have a lot of peace. i could not have anticipated the insights i would gain,when i first began. My mentor told me, just do it every day, let it work in you over time. it's not magic- it's training yourself to see yourself as a part of the whole, to see that your pain is not unique to you nor caused by you- it is an inheritance, and a common to all people. But so also is your courage, your diligence, your openness, your wisdom- all of that is an inheritance for you to access and grow also. it was just a beautiful practice for me. i can see that it might not resonate with all, but it sure was like coming home (to a good home lol) for me!!! Changed my life. |
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Post by Deleted on Aug 6, 2018 0:57:12 GMT
also, i didn't state it well , the appeal of buddhism to dismissives i know.
buddhist philosophy is really about INTERDEPENDENCE.
What i refer to, is the emphasis on the individual being self-reliant in their capacity to go inside, to themselves, and handle whatever they see there, without reliance on an external force or strength- the capacity for each human to transform themselves lies within the individual themselves.
Support is gained through a community of people with the same aspiration, and of course from teachers.
But the individual is the one with the ability to change their mind, their habit energies, and their painful inheritance, their karmic trajectory.
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