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Post by mrob on Jan 1, 2019 12:24:51 GMT
Hmm, anyone who has read a lot of my posts knows that I believe there are way more people that fall somewhere in the FA category than previously was realized. However, I am not sure that reaching out is exclusive to FAs. My DA "ex" (for lack of a better term, there wasn't much of a breakup, more just him saying he didn't consider us in a relationship) will occasionally reach out to me and I definitely think he is DA, not FA at all. Perhaps he feels so little for me that it's not scary for him? Plus he likes sex.He'll just text once in a long while and one time I wasn't sure if he was just texting me or all his friends. Also my FA sister's seemingly-DA ex would definitely reach out, he doesn't seem to fit the profile of FA either. Maybe after extended space a DA is more likely to reach out? If I didn’t contact my ex for several months, I think he may but it would probably take him months to a year. I think he’s severe DA though Plus he likes sex. That’s the clincher. The motivation of the contact is the difference. High vs low self esteem. |
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Post by faithopelove on Jan 2, 2019 5:19:07 GMT
Maybe after extended space a DA is more likely to reach out? If I didn’t contact my ex for several months, I think he may but it would probably take him months to a year. I think he’s severe DA though Plus he likes sex. That’s the clincher. The motivation of the contact is the difference. High vs low self esteem. Yes, and my ex definitely likes the sex. It’s the only area he feels capable/safe currently. Still...he doesn’t want to be the one to reach out bc he’s afraid of providing false hope. |
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Post by leavethelighton on Jan 2, 2019 15:28:25 GMT
. . . The thing with secures though, is that when they end a relationship, they usually do it for good reason. There’s some incompatibility that’s very clear. For FA/DA and their AP partners (and this is my experienc even as an earned secure), they don’t know why they ended the relationship. Sometimes, there really isn’t even a good reason. It’s just the fear/anxiety kicks in and they want that to end. I think that’s sometimes why these relationships drag on (outside of it being hard for there attachment types to let go): outside of attachment, it can be a really good match. Interesting theory. I think you're onto something important here... so much of the challenge in all this is inability to establish clarity. It may be an AP mindset at least can't see the reason even if it's there (because we don't want endings, and so may fall into denial that something has or should end), but I think you're right that often the struggle comes from trying to come to terms with ambiguity about what has even happened between two people, and why. |
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