Returning to secure May 27, 2019 20:53:46 GMT via mobile
Post by lilyg on May 27, 2019 20:53:46 GMT
lilyg, "Now I can't help but kick myself thinking 'if only I was more secure'."
Why are you putting the blame on yourself? He's had issues the entire relationship as well that he's also been trying to work through but hasn't fully overcome. It's good to take responsibility for your piece, but don't take on more than your share. It's about you both being secure enough to stay present, and if he's not there it doesn't matter how secure only you are (in regards to the dynamic).
Can you use the space he needs as an opportunity to focus on yourself and your needs for a little while? I know this is really difficult, because it seemed like the relationship was about to take the next step and it may have veered off path. But if you can think of the time as a bit of an opportunity for yourself rather than a stressful disconnection, would that be a helpful mind space?
I know you're very right. I told him he has to think too about his side of the dynamic. It's just you know, that guilt we all feel on this. I do feel secure (as secure as I can be on this situation!). I do think about him and the situation. I should let it go but I still feel partly responsible for my relationship. I don't feel stressed on not talking to him per se, but about what should I do next. I won't be passive but I'll try to be understanding for both sides. I'll at least contact him for his birthday. Those are important for us and he can still lean on me, only if he wishes to.
I am trying I'm working out and writing a bit. I'm also focusing on a very interesting project at work. I felt too focused on the house and I worried I would obsess over something else instead of being aware of the moment and myself. So I try to vary my emotional and intellectual resources. I am glad I feel good about everything else in my life. I know I will be ok regardless.
Thank you alexandra, you're being very kind and making a lot of sense! 😊