Post by Deleted on Mar 9, 2019 5:44:03 GMT
I'm doing good faithopelove , thank you. I got a ton done on a very rewarding project today, and I'm building some plans for my career advancement so I have a lot I am looking forward to. Interaction with him triggered me very badly recently and deactivating that hard is the absolute end for me. I won't be thinking of him much and don't miss him. For me, it's kind of like food poisoning. I know that sounds bad, but that's how I'd describe the shift. If you eat ham and get dreadfully sick from it, you don't have a taste for ham.
I have thought of how difficult it must be for him to be so caught in fearful avoidance. I haven't had an experience with an FA before and I saw the enormous shifts within him, and I feel for him. I really do. I see him swing between anxiety and avoidance. It's been new for me. What was stunning to me was the disconnect from his emotions that enabled him to be so unpredictable and at the extremes. The roller coaster between anxiety and avoidance in our interactions was just too stressful for me to even carry on a relationship of a different nature with him.
So I cut contact with him twice, when I broke up with him, and recently after he re-initiated contact and we began speaking. It does not feel good to have to do that. It isn't hate. It's just what I have to do. I hope, I really hope that he is not anxious now. I hope he is in avoidance. Strange to say, but the thought of him suffering at length over all this is very sad. I don't have any thought that I can or should assist him with that. He is so deeply in his wounding that all he can do is trigger me. Even understanding it somewhat I cannot engage with it. It's such deep stuff and I have seen him in the throes of it, I have seen him in the remorse and regret and confusion. It's all sobering. I really have come so far but I need the consistency of secure relating. I have that in my other relationships and that's the direction I want to keep to.
So, I'm still just focusing on my own issues, my own growth. I feel very relaxed and I'm thankful for that. I know though that I have to keep to my integrity with my process, keep looking into what's going on in me.
Hang in there, this will pass eventually and you'll be better for the change. It's time for better things. !!
I have thought of how difficult it must be for him to be so caught in fearful avoidance. I haven't had an experience with an FA before and I saw the enormous shifts within him, and I feel for him. I really do. I see him swing between anxiety and avoidance. It's been new for me. What was stunning to me was the disconnect from his emotions that enabled him to be so unpredictable and at the extremes. The roller coaster between anxiety and avoidance in our interactions was just too stressful for me to even carry on a relationship of a different nature with him.
So I cut contact with him twice, when I broke up with him, and recently after he re-initiated contact and we began speaking. It does not feel good to have to do that. It isn't hate. It's just what I have to do. I hope, I really hope that he is not anxious now. I hope he is in avoidance. Strange to say, but the thought of him suffering at length over all this is very sad. I don't have any thought that I can or should assist him with that. He is so deeply in his wounding that all he can do is trigger me. Even understanding it somewhat I cannot engage with it. It's such deep stuff and I have seen him in the throes of it, I have seen him in the remorse and regret and confusion. It's all sobering. I really have come so far but I need the consistency of secure relating. I have that in my other relationships and that's the direction I want to keep to.
So, I'm still just focusing on my own issues, my own growth. I feel very relaxed and I'm thankful for that. I know though that I have to keep to my integrity with my process, keep looking into what's going on in me.
Hang in there, this will pass eventually and you'll be better for the change. It's time for better things. !!
