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Post by notalone on Mar 18, 2019 19:27:56 GMT
What does your inner AP say when you get hurt/rejected? I thought it would be interesting to see how many of us have the same internal dialogue when we're hurt or rejected.
Don't worry about repeating what others answer, it'll be useful to see how many thoughts we share, or don't share.
Some of the things my AP mind tells me are:
- You'll always be alone. - If you were different, he'd love you. - You're too emotional. No one would want a partner like you. - Anyone that loves you can't be that great. - You're broken.
- You're a burden. - You messed up again. - You're weak. - You're not good enough. - You're not lovable. - You waste your energy worrying about people who never loved you. - You're pathetic. - You always choose bad matches. - You'll never be attracted to a healthy partner. - The world would be better without you.
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Post by Deleted on Mar 18, 2019 23:39:50 GMT
- of course he doesn't love you, you're not that great
- you're a burden.
- your love is a burden
- i'm unlovable
- i'm so difficult/lousy that's why nobody wants to be with you and commit to you
- people say nice things about you but they don't mean it. if they were true why are you so rejected by people you love
- even the people who say they love you find you a bother
- everyone says you're great but they don't want you in their lives
- haha think someone like that can ever want someone like you
- nobody cares about your genuine heart and love cos it's worth nothing
- why doesn't he call/text me? because it has no value to him.
- being yourself is not enough - you don't bring any real value to their lives.
- nobody cares about your love or you
- the world spins fine without you. in fact it spins better.
- your hurt is yours to bear, nobody cares to deal with it cos you're THAT unimportant, even to people who say they care about you
- i have nothing
- is this real or not? i can't tell and nobody wants to talk to me about it.
- my reality doesn't matter. i don't matter.
- why am i so hard to love? what's wrong with me?
- don't bother asking for what you need. why would it be met? don't be such a bother.
- your needs will never be met. look at this. if you ask for it, all it does prove is that you're a burden.
- don't believe him when he says tell him what you think/feel. he'll just see how much of an idiot and burden you are.
- i asked for my needs like what everyone asked me to do. but all i did was really just be more of a burden to someone i love.
- you're such an idiot for believing him. he liked you only because you weren't a burden but now you are. just because you love him and want it back.
- you can do nothing right and nothing you do is right
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Post by faithopelove on Mar 19, 2019 0:29:33 GMT
You’re a burden.
He doesn’t love you as much as you love him.
You’re not a priority.
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Post by 8675309 on Mar 19, 2019 15:51:32 GMT
You’re a burden. He doesn’t love you as much as you love him. You’re not a priority. I don’t have these issues I just get bummed out that it didn’t work and keep going. I always know I’m good enough. They may have thought otherwise on good enough but that’s them and their perception of me not who I actually am. I hope you all get to this place. 🙂 that said, what faithhope love posted my avoidant made me feel. First time for me. Reality is it’s all true. I do ‘burden’, I trigger him even as a secure, even giving tons of space, not chasing, etc. also being fully open in being able to communicate my needs, etc. He can’t love me like I do him, his attachment is in the way. Can he have love for me, sure, he probably does have love he circles. But, he can’t truly love at this time, he can’t give freely like I can. His emotional soul is out of balance and foggy. He does not love himself. And I certainly know I’m at the bottom of the list of things in his life. His behavior made that crystal clear! Lol |
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Post by alwaysanxious_USA on Mar 20, 2019 2:40:42 GMT
-You're not a priority to her
-Once she sees you for who you are, she'll leave.
-She'd rather spend time with her friends
-She says you're cute, but she just doesn't want to spend time with you. So obviously she's lying.
-If she really liked you and cared, being busy wouldn't be an excuse.
-She won't introduce you to her friends because she doesn't see any long term potential in you.
-Sure she's been texting you, but they're just texts and if she really cared she'd meet up with you.
-You're too controlling and needy.
-She's playing games with you by not texting back.
-She has a lot of more attractive guy friends she'd rather be with. You're just a placeholder.
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Post by Deleted on Mar 20, 2019 3:13:49 GMT
-You're not a priority to her -Once she sees you for who you are, she'll leave. -She'd rather spend time with her friends -She says you're cute, but she just doesn't want to spend time with you. So obviously she's lying. -If she really liked you and cared, being busy wouldn't be an excuse. -She won't introduce you to her friends because she doesn't see any long term potential in you. -Sure she's been texting you, but they're just texts and if she really cared she'd meet up with you. -You're too controlling and needy. -She's playing games with you by not texting back. -She has a lot of more attractive guy friends she'd rather be with. You're just a placeholder. Gosh this hurt, I could have written this myself 😥 |
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Post by alwaysanxious_USA on Mar 20, 2019 3:28:21 GMT
-You're not a priority to her -Once she sees you for who you are, she'll leave. -She'd rather spend time with her friends -She says you're cute, but she just doesn't want to spend time with you. So obviously she's lying. -If she really liked you and cared, being busy wouldn't be an excuse. -She won't introduce you to her friends because she doesn't see any long term potential in you. -Sure she's been texting you, but they're just texts and if she really cared she'd meet up with you. -You're too controlling and needy. -She's playing games with you by not texting back. -She has a lot of more attractive guy friends she'd rather be with. You're just a placeholder. Gosh this hurt, I could have written this myself 😥 Haha! Guessing I'm not alone. |
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Post by tnr9 on Mar 20, 2019 17:38:30 GMT
Mine is primarily focused on silence...silence equal rejection.
What did I do wrong?
Is this person mad at me and why?
What do I need to change to hear from that person again?
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Post by leavethelighton on Mar 20, 2019 23:21:24 GMT
Posting without reading the above first...
*Maybe if I keep trying, things will be different this time...
*If I keep trying, I'll prove my worthiness/loyalty/truth/true love
*Why did I do/say not do/not say? I said too much/ I said too little
*I don't understand what just happened / I wish I understood what just happened
*Why don't they want to communicate? Should I try again to communicate?
*Do they think this is my fault, that I should have done something differently? Do they think it's their choice? My choice?
*What did they mean when they said/wrote X, Y and Z? What did they think I meant when I said/wrote A, B and C?
*I want to let go/ I don't want to let go/ I can't let get/ How do I let go / want to/ don't want to....
etc etc.
It's kind of ridiculous-sounding when you write it out but when you're living it out it just feels like some sort of attempt at truth.
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Post by leavethelighton on Mar 20, 2019 23:22:27 GMT
. . . He doesn’t love you as much as you love him. You’re not a priority.
Oh yes, these two...
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Post by leavethelighton on Mar 20, 2019 23:23:58 GMT
Mine is primarily focused on silence...silence equal rejection. What did I do wrong? Is this person mad at me and why? What do I need to change to hear from that person again?
Oh yes, I could have written this one!
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Post by leavethelighton on Mar 20, 2019 23:24:46 GMT
By the way because several people above have ones along the lines of whether it would be better to not exist....
It's always better that you DO exist! You bring love and creativity and compassion into the world. I'm glad you exist. Keep existing!
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Post by number9 on Mar 20, 2019 23:47:35 GMT
Posting without reading the above first... *Maybe if I keep trying, things will be different this time... *If I keep trying, I'll prove my worthiness/loyalty/truth/true love *Why did I do/say not do/not say? I said too much/ I said too little *I don't understand what just happened / I wish I understood what just happened *Why don't they want to communicate? Should I try again to communicate? *Do they think this is my fault, that I should have done something differently? Do they think it's their choice? My choice? *What did they mean when they said/wrote X, Y and Z? What did they think I meant when I said/wrote A, B and C? *I want to let go/ I don't want to let go/ I can't let get/ How do I let go / want to/ don't want to.... etc etc. It's kind of ridiculous-sounding when you write it out but when you're living it out it just feels like some sort of attempt at truth. ^ All this above is pretty much what I've been obsessing about. It's so exhausting! I want to free my mind for other things -- life is short, after all! Now I'm seeing a counsellor and she thinks EMDR could help with past issues that are still affecting me (even though I don't remember them very clearly). |
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Post by faithopelove on Mar 21, 2019 0:03:47 GMT
Mine is primarily focused on silence...silence equal rejection. What did I do wrong? Is this person mad at me and why? What do I need to change to hear from that person again? - Yes, time, space and silence trigger abandonment |
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Post by 8675309 on Mar 21, 2019 7:40:10 GMT
Posting without reading the above first... *Maybe if I keep trying, things will be different this time... *If I keep trying, I'll prove my worthiness/loyalty/truth/true love *Why did I do/say not do/not say? I said too much/ I said too little *I don't understand what just happened / I wish I understood what just happened *Why don't they want to communicate? Should I try again to communicate? *Do they think this is my fault, that I should have done something differently? Do they think it's their choice? My choice? *What did they mean when they said/wrote X, Y and Z? What did they think I meant when I said/wrote A, B and C? *I want to let go/ I don't want to let go/ I can't let get/ How do I let go / want to/ don't want to.... etc etc. It's kind of ridiculous-sounding when you write it out but when you're living it out it just feels like some sort of attempt at truth. I can relate to this with my avoidant and having these thoughts before learning attachment. I was lost in anxiousness unfamiliar to me.
I'll add.
*Maybe if I keep trying, things will be different this time...
*If I keep trying, I'll prove my worthiness/loyalty/truth/true love
*Why did I do/say not do/not say? I said too much/ I said too little
*I don't understand what just happened / I wish I understood what just happened
*Why don't they want to communicate? Should I try again to communicate?
*Do they think this is my fault, that I should have done something differently? Do they think it's their choice? My choice?
*What did they mean when they said/wrote X, Y and Z? What did they think I meant when I said/wrote A, B and C?
*I want to let go/ I don't want to let go/ I can't let get/ How do I let go / want to/ don't want to....
*OMG What. Am. I. Doing?? I know better. I am worthy. Just STOP these thoughts.... Its not me, while not perfect, its not me. Just STOP, what is wrong with me right now?!
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