Post by stayhappy on Jun 26, 2019 7:22:53 GMT
I come to think about my parents attachment style. I come from a poor family but my parents were always loving with me and my sister and brother. Both of my parents had a poor and hard childhood. My dad’s mom died giving birth when my dad was 3 years old. My grandfather hade to work and couldn’t take care of him. It was his aunt who took care of him. I see her as a grandmother and although I love her very much I know she was very severe. I don’t blame her. She had a very hard life too. Her parents were severe too and on that time that was how people thought we were suppose to educate a child. I don’t talk about her husband because in that time that was the woman’s job to take care of the house and children, but I know he was not a very good husband.
My mother had also a very hard life. She didn’t meet her father and my grandmother was very severe. My grandmother had some partners who punched her and were not nice. My grandmother died when I was very little so I don’t remember her. But they say that she loved me.
Both my parents were not aloud to be kids. They hade to work to get money to help to survive. My parents got marry when they were around 18-22.
I think my parents are both dismissive avoidant. I think that because I never really saw they fighting or loving with each other. No hugging, no kissing, they liked different things, no dating or things like that. But they could together raise 3 pretty secure children. They were not very warming with each other but with their children they gave all the love in the world. They let us be children, we could play, we didn’t have to work, just go to school, they played with us, and gave us hugs and kisses and carried us. We had little money but still happy would I say. They always said they wanted to give us a better life, a better childhood and they could give us that.
I remember one time when my father and I were visiting his aunt (the one who is like a grandmother to me) and they were talking about something. I tried to enter the conversation and she said to me ”go and play, children should not disturb adults while talking”. My father didn’t say anything than, maybe because he respects her a lot; but in our way home I remember he said “ What was the thing you wanted to say? I didn’t like when my aunt didn’t let you say what you wanted. I think what you have to say is very important!” .
My parents had a childhood were it was not ok to feel, not ok to show, not okay to communicate. But they gave me and my siblings a experience different from the one they had. It was ok to be sad, to be angry, to be happy...
When my siblings and I became teenagers we always asked why my parents did not want to hold hands and things like that and then they kind of starting doing that. I live in another country now, far away from home, but I love to come to home and see my parents holding hands and watching tv close to each other. They are still a little bit avoidants but much more warm with each other now that they are much older.
There is hope for every one who wants to grow!!! ❤️
My mother had also a very hard life. She didn’t meet her father and my grandmother was very severe. My grandmother had some partners who punched her and were not nice. My grandmother died when I was very little so I don’t remember her. But they say that she loved me.
Both my parents were not aloud to be kids. They hade to work to get money to help to survive. My parents got marry when they were around 18-22.
I think my parents are both dismissive avoidant. I think that because I never really saw they fighting or loving with each other. No hugging, no kissing, they liked different things, no dating or things like that. But they could together raise 3 pretty secure children. They were not very warming with each other but with their children they gave all the love in the world. They let us be children, we could play, we didn’t have to work, just go to school, they played with us, and gave us hugs and kisses and carried us. We had little money but still happy would I say. They always said they wanted to give us a better life, a better childhood and they could give us that.
I remember one time when my father and I were visiting his aunt (the one who is like a grandmother to me) and they were talking about something. I tried to enter the conversation and she said to me ”go and play, children should not disturb adults while talking”. My father didn’t say anything than, maybe because he respects her a lot; but in our way home I remember he said “ What was the thing you wanted to say? I didn’t like when my aunt didn’t let you say what you wanted. I think what you have to say is very important!” .
My parents had a childhood were it was not ok to feel, not ok to show, not okay to communicate. But they gave me and my siblings a experience different from the one they had. It was ok to be sad, to be angry, to be happy...
When my siblings and I became teenagers we always asked why my parents did not want to hold hands and things like that and then they kind of starting doing that. I live in another country now, far away from home, but I love to come to home and see my parents holding hands and watching tv close to each other. They are still a little bit avoidants but much more warm with each other now that they are much older.
There is hope for every one who wants to grow!!! ❤️