Post by tnr9 on Jul 13, 2019 11:36:15 GMT
**Just a fair warning to DA and FA attachment styles that what I am describing may feel very icky to you**
I am on vacation with my family and have experienced moments of missing B. Some members, such as mrob will remember how this same vacation impacted me last year. This year, I handled those moments much better but still wanted to post about them in case anyone else relates.
Moments of feeling sheer terror....where my “danger” bells are in overdrive and I feel so disconnected from the 1 person I think can sooth me. This is when the missing of B is at it’s highest and I regress and can not access reason at all. Since I don’t have access to B and since my AP tendencies are to look for what is different, what has changed...but in a “personal” and “negative” way, the stories happen. I get fixated on lack of likes on my FB posts from B and start to think he is punishing me because I did not go to a 4th of July party that I said I was going to attend that he ended up going to, I start to dwell again on the fact that he continues to like/love posts of one of my friend’s as if there is some secret hierarchy and she is somehow better then me and that he not so secretly wants to date her...which leads to feelings of possessiveness. Thankfully these don’t last nearly as long as they used to.....but sitting in them is painful.
I have not reached out to B and when the terror moment is over...I can resume being fully present to my family again. I also know that B and I are ok...that what I have described above is wholly from inside of me...but ugh....still such a long way to go.
I am on vacation with my family and have experienced moments of missing B. Some members, such as mrob will remember how this same vacation impacted me last year. This year, I handled those moments much better but still wanted to post about them in case anyone else relates.
Moments of feeling sheer terror....where my “danger” bells are in overdrive and I feel so disconnected from the 1 person I think can sooth me. This is when the missing of B is at it’s highest and I regress and can not access reason at all. Since I don’t have access to B and since my AP tendencies are to look for what is different, what has changed...but in a “personal” and “negative” way, the stories happen. I get fixated on lack of likes on my FB posts from B and start to think he is punishing me because I did not go to a 4th of July party that I said I was going to attend that he ended up going to, I start to dwell again on the fact that he continues to like/love posts of one of my friend’s as if there is some secret hierarchy and she is somehow better then me and that he not so secretly wants to date her...which leads to feelings of possessiveness. Thankfully these don’t last nearly as long as they used to.....but sitting in them is painful.
I have not reached out to B and when the terror moment is over...I can resume being fully present to my family again. I also know that B and I are ok...that what I have described above is wholly from inside of me...but ugh....still such a long way to go.