Why is hanging out so hard?

Yes, attachment is not healthy, and I am determined to never be in another imbalanced and unhealthy relationship. I have to admit that reading some of the posts in this forum are triggering to me, but in a good way in that I can't go back to that again, ever.

My personal work started with hypnotherapy into inner child healing work. It wasn't so obvious to me at first that it had helped, it was my long-time therapist who mentioned that she was noticing a difference in me. I went on to do more hypnotherapy sessions, three in total. 

From there, I ended up at a Reiki/Shamanic Inner Child Healing workshop, completely on a whim. I liked the sound of the Inner Child since I had done the hypnotherapy on that, so I decided to check this out, and that ended up being completely transformative. I walked out of there what I call the beginning of a different person. Something was lifted off of me that night, and my body was physically reacting. I later realized what was happening was that the energy from the Reiki was moving the stagnant energy in my body and was starting to rebalance the energy. Negative emotions and experiences from childhood and throughout life are stored as energy in our body and can literally leave us stuck and unable to move on from things, such as attachment. 

That night and the next few days I could feel my body still reacting from that Reiki workshop, and also the pain and grief I had been dealing with the break up with my FA ex was greatly lifted. My sleep got better, my mind was freer, my thoughts were starting to liberate from the pain of the breakup. 

The next few months I did more private sessions with that same Reiki practitioner who is also a holistic counselor (I'd be happy to share her info, she does remote sessions) and I dropped my long time therapist who was no longer serving me. I think talk therapy definitely has it's place, but what I needed was energy body work, and for the talk therapy to be less clinical and more holistic based. (I will go into different healing modalities that I've learned about on my journey a little later.) I did weekly sessions for about two months or so, then I cut down to bi weekly, and I am now at an as needed basis. It was pricey, but I saw it as an investment into myself and my self care to wellness. Best money spent. If I can be a better person overall, then everyone around me benefits.

I have also done some other energy work, Qi Gong specifically, and breath work. Those are both also energy healing modalities and I know those were helpful, though not as profound as the Reiki was for me. But for my friend, Qi Gong is what keeps her afloat, and for others, breath work is what works for them. For others, therapy with a therapist who is Trauma-informed and who know about attachment issues. My talk therapist was not familiar enough with attachment issues and therefore was of little use to me with that very important issue that I needed help with. Not all therapists are alike or helpful. Everyone has to find the right healing modality and therapist that works for them, and for me, it's Reiki, so much so that I am going to learn it so I can help others the same way it has helped me and given me back my life.

I used to scoff at energy type of work, but I don't anymore! It has literally freed me from my attachment to my ex FA, and I am confident that that was my last unhealthy relationship. I can see that there were SO many red flags that I overlooked and/or chose to ignore, but that was the old me. The new me is no longer trying to prove to or show anyone that they or I am good enough; I know I am good enough, and I need them to also be emotionally healthy and know that they also are good enough. I don't need anyone to be perfect, there is no such thing, I just need someone who is aware and actively engaged in their own healing, as am I, so we can be aware of whatever comes up and work on them together. We all have basic needs of wanting to be loved, seen, heard, and connected with, and we all deserve those basic things, but obviously we aren't all able to receive or give those easily because of deeper wounding. Unless we heal ourselves FIRST, we cannot be in a position to accept a healthy relationship when it's presented.