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Post by Deleted on Sept 11, 2021 3:05:18 GMT
Funny thing is, my boyfriend also talks to me to do nothing other than retell a story and voice his frustration, but I don't think he thinks of it as talking about his feelings. I think it's a conditioning thing. Say he was in a competition and lost due to a mistake... or he ran into some difficulty during the day, and narrates it along with a sentiment like "Man it just SUCKED, babe!" Men like to separate themselves from "drama" because it's frowned upon. But we all have stress and frustrations and turn naturally toward each other. It's just a human thing. One of the things we have language for.
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Post by anne12 on Sept 16, 2021 8:14:04 GMT
When I do coaching, I often use Walk’n Talk as a tool.
1) Walk’n Talk creates movement forward, side by side. I become harmless and the person is more free to speak unhindered from the heart
2) Especially for Males, it is productive to move the feet. That's what he's designed for. He simply thinks better after movement.
3) For the females, it is often seen that she needs to sit down, next to each other, when we have to talk about what really touches her. There I am ‘on her side’ and by sitting down side-by-side she begins to produce oxytocin, the attachment hormone which is the females primary fuel.
These are just some of the non-verbal tools I use fully consciously in every coaching.
A coach and bodylanguage expert
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Post by anne12 on Sept 16, 2021 8:36:16 GMT
Is he flirting ?
The man also has some very typical traits where he will mark himself as an alpha male. - Often there are a lot of stories and military stories about what he has survived, and in body language we will see that he makes himself big and wide with open arm position.
He will stand up, straighten his back and walk closer.
The man's excitement signal is in his toes. When he tilts his foot or lifts his big toe, it's because something is extra delicious. - When you raise the big toe, the elastic attaches, so to speak, up to the groin - close to the male's third leg.
During a flirtation, we will also try to touch the other person. - When we touch another person - put a hand on a shoulder or an arm - we secrete oxytocin, what we call bonding hormone, which makes people attach better to each other.
Another sign of courtship is mirroring. If the other person starts to sit in the same way and moves in the same way, then you know that there is a clear interest.
Last but not least, our pupils can reveal us. Because the pupils get up to four times larger when a person gets in a good mood or is sexually aroused.
A bodylanguage expert
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Post by anne12 on Sept 16, 2021 9:27:24 GMT
Absence of strong jaw muscles or strong jaw muscles. Which is a masculine signal. When a man bites his jaw together, the male sex hormone testosterone is released. Which boosts focus in the brain and the supply to the muscles.. Mens sexual selfcare tips from Layla Martin youtu.be/kBteHbS5RscTestical massage with coconut oil ect. |
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Post by Deleted on Oct 26, 2021 20:15:24 GMT
In this video from the September 2019 Art of Fearless Intimacy Intensive at FlowSpace in Emeryville, CA, John and Kendra describe why it is so valuable for a masculine partner to slow down and be still with a feminine partner, even if he is feeling and expressing deep emotion. You’ll learn: - Your value as a masculine sexual partner is in the freedom of your consciousness expressed through your body, by becoming still, finding length in your spine, breathing deeply, and grounding your energy - Your consciousness is not felt as free to the feminine if it is stuck in your head and bound by thought - The yoga of taking your energy from your head, into your heart and your groin, and down into the earth, allows you to be felt by the feminine as grounded in consciousness - In John’s first year doing this work, his voice dropped a couple of octaves because he opened his diaphragm and learned to breathe more deeply into his belly. He also had to learn how to speak slowly because if he didn’t, no one would trust him. - If you slow down, the feminine nervous system will relax and they will feel more of your depth - If you move fast with a highly feminine being, it’s like creating a nuclear reactor of energy, and your partner may find herself slowing down to find more ease in the moment - By contrast, if you slow down, deepen and ground, your presence becomes like a soft caress to the feminine nervous system - A masculine being who is slow and still in his body while expressing and feeling a deep emotion, like heartbreak, is sexy and desirable to the feminine You can bring significant amounts of emotion, personality and expression through a grounded, still and deeply breathing masculine presence and this will not only relax your feminine partner, but it will also become highly valuable in your relating and your sex. m.youtube.com/watch?v=6ay4BMK4zbQ&feature=youtu.be@introvert, you have heard him before 😉 I don't think I have! He's great though. |
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Post by anne12 on Nov 8, 2021 10:10:20 GMT
Healing of the masculine exercise jebkinnisonforum.com/post/44020Healing of the masculine You will need 4 chairs for healing the masculine. They should stand in a square a chair on each side with the front of the chair facing the center. ………….S……….. S…………………….S ………….S………… Place yourself in one of the chairs Then invite your dad to sit on the chair on the left side of you. Look at your dad and tell him about your hurts, your dissapointments, tell him about the bad things that you have experiended that he has done, do you want to cry infront of him, do you want to yell, do you want to get angry, do you want to kick him. You are allowed to tell him everything when he is sitting on the chair on your left side of you. What do you notise in your body ? Breathe into the parts of your body that feels neutral or even positive Say thank you to your dad to be able to express yourself Healing of the relationship with your father and of the masculine If you have been afraid of your father, you can use competent protectors If your father is weak, you can give him resource persons Tell your father about the grief, pain, anger you have experienced Feel the emotions in the body With sound, with words, with movements Allow your body to stretch Express it your way You should not do this to your physical father if he is alive. This is a piece of inner work. Say thank you to your dad for being able to express your negative emotions Then put your dad on the chair on the right side of yourself Look at your dad, sence him ect. Then tell him, feel all the good things that you appericiate about him, the good positive things you have experienced together, the good things he has tought you. What do you notise in your body ? What do you want to do - do you want to give kind eyes, a hug, hold his hand ect. ? Breathe into the parts of your body that feels neutral or even positive Say thank you to your dad to be able to express yourself. The ask him to leave the room Remove the chair on your left side and remove the chair on your right side. Then place yourself on the opposite chair infront of you Then “look at yourself” and tell yourself/the woman - the man infront of you what you are needing to hear from your own inner masculine ect. Then switch back to the other chair. Invite the masculine to stand beside you or behind your back and let the masculine put supportive hands on your shoulders or on your back or on the outside of your arms. Feel into the felt sensation. Then let the masculine blend into your body. Notise where on your body the masculine enters your body. Notise how do you feel now (more strong, empowered, with a straigt back ect ?) You can contact your inner masculine when ever |
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Post by anne12 on Dec 7, 2021 9:03:56 GMT
Healing the feminine
Healing of the feminine
You will need 4 chairs for healing the feminine
They should stand in a square a chair on each side with the front of the chair facing the center.
………….S………..
S…………………….S
………….S…………
Place yourself in one of the chairs
Then invite your mother to sit on the chair on the left side of you.
If you are affraid of your mother, use competent protectors. If your mother is weak, then give her some resources who can stand beside her and who can support her.
Look at your mother and tell her about your hurts, your dissapointments, tell her about the bad things that you have experiended that she has done, do you want to cry infront of her, do you want to yell, do you want to get angry, do you want to kick her.
Then put your mother on the chair to the right side of you.
Then tell her feel all the good things that you appericiate about her, the good things you have experienced together with her, the good things she has tought you. What do you notise in your body ? What do you want to do - do you want to give kind eyes, a hug, hold her hand ect. ?
Feel the emotions in the body. With sound, with words, with movements. Allow your body to stretch Express it your way.
Breathe into the parts of your body that feels neutral or even positive
You should not do this infront of your physical mother if she is alive.
This is a piece of inner work.
Then thank her and ask her to leave the room
Remove the chair on your left side and remove the chair on your right side.
Then place yourself on the opposite chair infront of you
Then “look at yourself” and tell yourself/the woman - the man infront of you what you are needing to hear from your own inner feminine ect.
Then switch back to the other chair. Invite the feminine to stand beside you or behind you and let the feminine put supportive hands on your shoulders or on your back or on the outside of your arms. Feel into the felt sensation. Feel the love, the tenderness and the nurishment.
Then let the feminine blend into your body. Notise where on your body the feminine enters your body.
Notise how do you feel now (more soft, more loving, has your heart opend, ect.)
You can contact your inner feminine when ever you need
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Post by anne12 on Jan 9, 2022 16:53:36 GMT
How to open a mans heart youtu.be/KG_ntkr4zhoWhen it comes to opening a man’s heart, you have to learn heart foreplay. Unlike sex, where a man’s penis is penetrating and a woman’s vagina is receiving… With the heart, it switches. The feminine heart penetrates and the masculine heart receives. So just like when a man penetrates too quickly during sex, creating shutdown and disconnection in a woman… When you penetrate a man too quickly emotionally, you can close his heart and be met with emotional shutdown, disconnection, and even aggression. So how can you avoid this and open a man’s heart instead? In this week’s episode, you’ll discover 3 ways to open a man’s heart so that he’s receptive to and desirous of love and emotion. It was a hard pill to swallow when I learned that I was unconsciously shutting men down emotionally. I wanted desperately to know that I was loved so that my emotional needs were met… But I was being met with the opposite reaction. Now that I’ve been dating, I can really see how these teachings work. Men have told me that they feel safe to open up, express their feelings, and be their full selves around me. So many men have shutdown hearts from being emotionally penetrated too soon and too forcefully starting in their childhood. This happens when they are bombarded with emotionally charged questions and conversations when they're not in a state to receive them. |
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Post by anne12 on Feb 13, 2022 15:53:34 GMT
Terry Real. Caprino: So what do we do, Terry? Where do we go from here? Real: The vision that I work with when I’m working with boys and girls and men and women, is wholeness. I want to undo this “halving” process. I want girls and women to be strong and sexy and feminine and confident and kick ass and inviting and all of the above. And I want men and boys to be strong and big-hearted and vulnerable and sensitive and confident and aware and heartfelt all at the same time. What we need are whole people. Feminism gets this concept in relation to girls and women. We’re both old enough to remember when the feminist revolution broke out, people were wringing their hands about girls and going, “Oh if they get confident en masse they’re going to lose their femininity.” But nobody worries that much about that anymore. The culture has been changed, but people still do worry about boys and men. If boys and men get in touch with their quote unquote “feminine side,” oh my gosh, they’re going to lose their spines and other parts of their anatomy and it’s going to be awful. But you know what? We can be whole. Here’s my model for that. There weren’t a lot of good things that came out of 9/11 but here’s one that did. You saw those early responders, those big, burly firemen and policemen. You saw the tough guy like Rudy Giuliani sit on the stairs and cry like a baby. You saw those men comfort each other and hold each other in each other’s arms. At the same time, they were risking their lives in that catastrophe. These were not wimps. I’m a New Yorker, I want to be there if you call one of these guys a sissy, but let me tell you something – they had big hearts. So, I want strong, big-hearted men. Strong, big-hearted, sensitive, responsible men and we can do it. These are not contradictory traits. Insist on relationality in your boys, insist on strength in your girls, and insist on wholeness in your relationship with each other. And insist on wholeness inside yourself. You can be a man and cry. You can be a woman and speak up. We can step outside the frame of patriarchy. We don’t have to be determined by it. From 2018 www.forbes.com/sites/kathycaprino/2018/01/25/renowned-therapist-explains-the-crushing-effects-of-patriarchy-on-men-and-women-today/ |
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Post by anne12 on Feb 19, 2022 1:39:09 GMT
Many women often say, "If only he would open up and say how he feels."
They feel neglected and dont know what to do because they have no idea what is going on with their boyfriend, husband or the guy, they are dating.
It can get so frustrating that it ends in a breakup even though the love is still intact!
But why is it so scary for men to show their feelings - not the good ones, but the hard ones?
If they are sad, they often keep it to themselves. The same if they are confused, insecure, feel less worthy or feel wrong.
Men have been brought up to be strong throughout their upbringing. Being strong is almost like being a man. When you are strong, you are a leader, you solve problems, and you do not succumb to fear.
I think many women are not at all aware of HOW much strength means to a man. So when a man pulls himself into himself and becomes silent, it is often because he does not feel strong.
Let's take an example
Men are their own worst enemy
If a man feels insecure with his girlfriend because she may be emotionally stronger than him, he will often feel like a failure in her eyes.
He has to be the strongest to be a real man. He was raised to be a big and strong boy - not only by his parents, but to a large extent also by his peers. Boys cheer other boys up in groups. You might be tempted to say: It's not only difficult for women to be with men. It is just as difficult for men to be with men.
Why? Because they often compete to be the strongest, the best, the coolest, the richest, the one who get the most women… you name it.
There are simply no limits to what they can compete about.
Therefore, there is no room to be insecure and vulnerable with friends. You might say that you are going through a hard time, but male friends will often say things like "get back on the horse again" or "you just have to be strong".
So how does a man typically choose to regain his strength when, for example, he feels inadequate with his girlfriend?
He raises his testosterone levels by being with peers, playing some sport, being confirmed by others, or by withdrawing into himself and pretending that the feeling of inferiority does not exist at all.
What he does NOT do, however, is to share his feelings of inadequacy with his girlfriend, and THAT is really annoying! Both for him, for her and for the relationship.
Because what he will most likely experience by doing just that is getting closer to her because she actually values his honesty and vulnerability. We women find it much easier to be vulnerable and acknowledge difficult feelings. In addition, the most important thing for many women is to understand their husband, so in general he will experience great inclusiveness.
Being vulnerable requires strength
What he unfortunately does not really understand is that when he shows his vulnerability, he is just showing his strength!
How does it add up? It takes a lot of courage to share your weaknesses with a person you would most like to be strong towards. In other words, it takes courage to be in a loving relationship.
So what can you as a woman do to support him in sharing his feelings?
You can be there for him when he does: be present, listening and caring. It must be safe for him to come to you with his so-called 'weaknesses', because it is most likely not something he brings to others.
Here it is important to emphasize that in your care you should not talk down at/to him and make him feel like a small child. "Oh little darling, it is just so hard for you," does not work. Dont pity him. After all, his great fear is NOT to feel like a man when he expresses his feelings.
Something else you can do is share your own difficult feelings with him. That way, you show him that it's okay for him to do the same. We lead by the power of example, and you can lead him by showing that it is only natural to share one's insecurities with one another in a relationship.
If a man does not want to show his vulnerability, or does not want to accommodate yours, it is NOT your responsibility or your job to get him to do so. He must want that himself, and it is of course his very own choice and responsibility. But you can make it safe for him to take this step.
An attatchment, lovecoach
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Post by anne12 on Feb 19, 2022 7:08:30 GMT
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Post by anne12 on Apr 7, 2022 8:23:36 GMT
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Post by anne12 on Apr 27, 2022 9:46:50 GMT
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Post by anne12 on May 7, 2022 15:38:36 GMT
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Post by anne12 on May 15, 2022 6:49:52 GMT
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