Post by confusedwitch on Oct 2, 2020 8:12:34 GMT
What is the most painful in that crappy affair is that we had something beautiful happening to us. Love. Yet he is so unbelievably scared with loving and being loved that he chose to destroy it, by hurting and humiliating me, explaining it to himself that I'd be better without him.
And all I've ever wanted was to love him, to be there for him and with him.
Yes, he wrote to me, at last, after I sent him two emails in a timespan of a month. It was, that email of his, so bizarre, that I can't even. In fact I am pretty sure he reused an old email, written to a girl that was spreading wild shit about him on social media, as this letter accused me of doing exactly that and of harassing him with countless messages. I haven't done any of these things. And even in that letter he carefully avoided talking about emotions (like writting "I don't love you" or sth).
Then I got a lenghty text message from someone purporting to be his gf. The thing is I've been writing for living, I've been teaching for living and I can recognise someone's writing style. This text msg has his hand slapped over it, not hers. And I don't know any gf irritated with an ex unwilling to fade out, that would be as concerned with the wellbeing of said ex as the author of the text was, trying to convince me I shouldn't have my hopes up for something that will never happen (me and him being together).
A month later I got some signals from my FA's best friend that the picture he was trying to sell me so hard might be far from truth. There was no conversation between me and the best friend, who seems to be quite concerned about the idiot's wellbeing and yeah, I am concerned too. I worry if he is even able to drag himself from that darkness he stuffed himself into.
And I don't know what to do...
And all I've ever wanted was to love him, to be there for him and with him.
Yes, he wrote to me, at last, after I sent him two emails in a timespan of a month. It was, that email of his, so bizarre, that I can't even. In fact I am pretty sure he reused an old email, written to a girl that was spreading wild shit about him on social media, as this letter accused me of doing exactly that and of harassing him with countless messages. I haven't done any of these things. And even in that letter he carefully avoided talking about emotions (like writting "I don't love you" or sth).
Then I got a lenghty text message from someone purporting to be his gf. The thing is I've been writing for living, I've been teaching for living and I can recognise someone's writing style. This text msg has his hand slapped over it, not hers. And I don't know any gf irritated with an ex unwilling to fade out, that would be as concerned with the wellbeing of said ex as the author of the text was, trying to convince me I shouldn't have my hopes up for something that will never happen (me and him being together).
A month later I got some signals from my FA's best friend that the picture he was trying to sell me so hard might be far from truth. There was no conversation between me and the best friend, who seems to be quite concerned about the idiot's wellbeing and yeah, I am concerned too. I worry if he is even able to drag himself from that darkness he stuffed himself into.
And I don't know what to do...
The people I've loved like this were a combination of unaware PTSD victims and/or schizoid personality, who are prone to totally losing their object constancy when they are triggered. They get triggered by an intense feeling of vulnerability when they feel love for you. They get triggered by abandonment when they push you away. They get triggered by childhood traumas. Then all the triggering causes them to lose object constancy - they see you in "all bad" terms, and a lot of it isn't real. The intense feelings come from inside of them, but they attach it all to you. 