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Post by tnr9 on Dec 7, 2020 17:16:48 GMT
Hi all....my somatic experiencing therapy is going really well and it has opened doors for me into some impacts of my attachment issues.
This is the first time that a therapist has not asked me how I “feel” from my emotions....but how I “feel” in my body. I have to admit...it was a real shocker to discover that all of my body feelings reside in my throat and neck. My stomach has felt “numb” (although we are working on that through bringing awareness there) and my hunger/fullness signals have been in my neck....well technically my thyroid area. What is so interesting about that is that I have hypothyroidism and specifically hashimotos.....which is where the body thinks my thyroid is a foreign object and is attacking it (I take synthroid). It also explains why I tend to eat when I also “feel” fat. The feeling of fatness coming primarily from a memory of my mom telling me to hold/pull my stomach in in order to look good in a dress. So I feel a need to physically eat while also feeling shame about eating. We are still working on that.
Another discovery about not being in touch with my body is the link it has to my boundaries. If I don’t know “physically” where I end and you begin, it is easy to “emotionally” have no boundaries....thus, everything becomes about “me” and I am not able to recognize where I step over someone else’s boundaries. Defining myself physically has really helped me to depersonalize the actions and words from others. I encourage any AP leaning person to try it. Define your physical boundary...be aware of it...and see if that provides some emotional “space” as well.
Along with feelings of fullness....my ability to know what ids “enough” has really been impacted by my lack of physical awareness.....what typically has had to happen is that I have had to get to a point of too much and then need to back off. Case in point, I like apples....and I went to the store and found them on sale in a bag and instead of buying 1 bag...I bought 3. After eating 1 bag worth, I realized I was not as into them as I thought, and I offered the other 2 bags on my local buy nothing group. This is just an example....I tend to go into too much mode with a lot of items. I am still working on being aware of my too much queue a lot earlier but it is still a work in progress.
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Post by annieb on Dec 7, 2020 17:54:52 GMT
Thank you for posting your progress. This is a great read and specifically about your journey, it is so helpful to read this account. I am quite curious about the thyroid. I also have unspecified primary hypothyroidism (treated with Armour).
My therapist encouraged me to remember how I felt as a child in my body when I was protecting my mom from my dad, and stood in front of her. I remember that I wanted to be taller (I was at around their hip at the time) and I think mightier and I definitely lead that pose with my neck and shoulders. Ever since then I still take that pose under stress and when I look in the mirror after a stressful confrontation or a situation my entire neck area is covered in red spots.
Thank you so much for these accounts!
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Post by alexandra on Dec 7, 2020 18:18:30 GMT
my ability to know what is “enough” has really been impacted by my lack of physical awareness.....what typically has had to happen is that I have had to get to a point of too much and then need to back off. Case in point, I like apples....and I went to the store and found them on sale in a bag and instead of buying 1 bag...I bought 3. After eating 1 bag worth, I realized I was not as into them as I thought, and I offered the other 2 bags on my local buy nothing group. This is just an example....I tend to go into too much mode with a lot of items. Sometimes I've done this, too. It's not necessarily for rational reasons when it happens. In my opinion about my experience, it's tied to the inconsistency that caused the AP. I'm not sure if it'll be as easy to have access to the items I want again in the future (whether due to lack of inventory or logistics of getting them or more expensive pricing), so I just get them now while I can and try to make sure it's enough to last a while just in case, but then I can't finish them before they expire or go bad. Some scarcity mentality, I suppose. |
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Post by tnr9 on Dec 8, 2020 15:38:42 GMT
So today I made a pretty significant work mistake and I felt it in my neck.....I felt this tightness like I was being strangled. And a clenching of my teeth. And I ended up crying. It is interesting that everything becomes neck up when I am scared.
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annes
Junior Member
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Post by annes on Dec 8, 2020 20:11:49 GMT
This is great, thanks for sharing. I'm becoming more and more aware of how all this stuff gets stored in my body. I started practicing meditation and I realized that all the stress gets stored in my face. In fact, I've had a major nervous outbreak in the nerves on the right side on my face. This really scared me, as I read it can lead to facial paralysis or similar issues. This is, I guess, how my body is responding to over a year of major stressful events and anxiety. I am now even more motivated to quit unhealthy way of living. Can I ask you more details about this kind of therapy? I was interested in CBT but have not started searching for a therapist seriously (I'm doing a different kind of therapy right now), in order to overcome fear of abandonment triggers and beliefs. But I was also considering somatic therapy. How does it work? I'm guessing you are doing all this online? Thank you and good luck, maybe the light at the end of the tunnel is closer that you thought.
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Post by tnr9 on Dec 10, 2020 19:51:28 GMT
Just a quick update....I am starting to have feeling in my stomach.....I have been visualizing a small ball traveling from my throat into my stomach opening a path between my neck and torso. annes....I will respond to your question later.🙂 |
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Post by tnr9 on Dec 11, 2020 16:20:47 GMT
This is great, thanks for sharing. I'm becoming more and more aware of how all this stuff gets stored in my body. I started practicing meditation and I realized that all the stress gets stored in my face. In fact, I've had a major nervous outbreak in the nerves on the right side on my face. This really scared me, as I read it can lead to facial paralysis or similar issues. This is, I guess, how my body is responding to over a year of major stressful events and anxiety. I am now even more motivated to quit unhealthy way of living. Can I ask you more details about this kind of therapy? I was interested in CBT but have not started searching for a therapist seriously (I'm doing a different kind of therapy right now), in order to overcome fear of abandonment triggers and beliefs. But I was also considering somatic therapy. How does it work? I'm guessing you are doing all this online? Thank you and good luck, maybe the light at the end of the tunnel is closer that you thought. Hi annes...I think your questions are very good ones.....the thing is...I can’t speak to how other SE practitioners work with their clients. My therapist has been using tension, tightness and clenching as doors to explore past trauma. When things get too emotional....she will have me “ground” by focusing on an object in the room. At first we did meet in person but COVID has meant virtual sessions, which has been fine actually. I think SE would work great....especially for fear of abandonment issues....that is what I have as well....but it has been incredibly helpful in developing an awareness of “me”, while working through my issues growing up that led to that fear. I think it is fantastic that you are exploring therapy options.  |
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alice
Full Member
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Post by alice on Dec 13, 2020 2:54:45 GMT
I wonder if the stress is literally physiologically causing inflammation in your body which is the enemy of your thyroid (and pretty much all of your body). Pretty interesting how all of this stuff can function.
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annes
Junior Member
Posts: 60
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Post by annes on Dec 13, 2020 16:04:24 GMT
This is great, thanks for sharing. I'm becoming more and more aware of how all this stuff gets stored in my body. I started practicing meditation and I realized that all the stress gets stored in my face. In fact, I've had a major nervous outbreak in the nerves on the right side on my face. This really scared me, as I read it can lead to facial paralysis or similar issues. This is, I guess, how my body is responding to over a year of major stressful events and anxiety. I am now even more motivated to quit unhealthy way of living. Can I ask you more details about this kind of therapy? I was interested in CBT but have not started searching for a therapist seriously (I'm doing a different kind of therapy right now), in order to overcome fear of abandonment triggers and beliefs. But I was also considering somatic therapy. How does it work? I'm guessing you are doing all this online? Thank you and good luck, maybe the light at the end of the tunnel is closer that you thought. Hi annes ...I think your questions are very good ones.....the thing is...I can’t speak to how other SE practitioners work with their clients. My therapist has been using tension, tightness and clenching as doors to explore past trauma. When things get too emotional....she will have me “ground” by focusing on an object in the room. At first we did meet in person but COVID has meant virtual sessions, which has been fine actually. I think SE would work great....especially for fear of abandonment issues....that is what I have as well....but it has been incredibly helpful in developing an awareness of “me”, while working through my issues growing up that led to that fear. I think it is fantastic that you are exploring therapy options. Thank you, I find it super interesting. I'm also reading "The Body Keeps the Score" and I'm impressed about how "cerebral" my approach to all of this has always been. So I value a lot any approach that just focuses on the body. It's great that it's helping with fear of abandonment, that is my curse. It ruins my well-being tremendously. I will be searching for more info about SE, seeing how's it benefiting people like you motives me even more. Thank you. |
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