ron
New Member
Posts: 17
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Post by ron on May 24, 2022 23:11:06 GMT
For so long, most of my life, I believed my mother was someone she wasn't. I trusted her and had a complete fantasy of who she was. I thought my childhood was much better than it was until something work me up in therapy and I realized it was horrible. I had this rote version of my childhood story that I shared with people that was devoid of pain. I just narrated it and minimized any of the devastating details . Until I couldn't anymore and that was the start of this journey I am on. My family was sick and painful. And I have some shame around that. Somebody help me out here. Introvert I didn’t know anything was seriously wrong with my mother until I broke up with a BPD woman in my 40s. As I picked through the wreckage of that relationship, I was able to figure out that she was Borderline PD which explained many of her hurtful and puzzling behaviors. I was also struck by how similar she was to my mother, which I had only been partially conscious of before. I discussed this with my therapist, and she told me, based on the childhood experiences I shared with her, that she was almost positive my mother had been a BPD also (she had died several years previously at 59). All of a sudden so many things from my childhood became clear in a whole new way. My sister and I had always been aware that our mother was odd and extremely volatile, but we had assumed “that was just the way she was”. Her volatility had gotten my parents kicked out of their fundamentalist church congregation even though my father and his brother were both Elders at that location. My mother’s volatility went outwards in all directions and was most often directed at my sister and I, but my sister definitely got the worst of it. She was a drug addict from her early teens until she was 30. She got sober starting a few months after our mother, her tormentor, died. I was brought up to be extremely negative and self-critical and my mother’s favorite phrase was “always expect the worst in everything and you will never be disappointed”. She had a LOT of similar life advice that she freely shared with us. Around that same time I discovered that my father, who had always seemed very odd and was still alive at that time, was Schizoid PD. I have a very critical inner voice, how could I not? I have worked in therapy, journaled, done lots of yoga and meditation and have modified my critical inner voice greatly, but it’s not completely gone. I can totally understand your anguish over discovering well into adulthood, that your parents were not who you thought they were and the childhood you remembered was a fiction. Me too. All we can do is stay as mindful and conscious as we can and treat ourselves and those we love with the kindness we were denied in our own childhoods. We both deserved much better, and we can feel proud that our kids got a much better childhood than the one we had.
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Post by introvert on May 25, 2022 1:40:36 GMT
For so long, most of my life, I believed my mother was someone she wasn't. I trusted her and had a complete fantasy of who she was. I thought my childhood was much better than it was until something work me up in therapy and I realized it was horrible. I had this rote version of my childhood story that I shared with people that was devoid of pain. I just narrated it and minimized any of the devastating details . Until I couldn't anymore and that was the start of this journey I am on. My family was sick and painful. And I have some shame around that. Somebody help me out here. Introvert I didn’t know anything was seriously wrong with my mother until I broke up with a BPD woman in my 40s. As I picked through the wreckage of that relationship, I was able to figure out that she was Borderline PD which explained many of her hurtful and puzzling behaviors. I was also struck by how similar she was to my mother, which I had only been partially conscious of before. I discussed this with my therapist, and she told me, based on the childhood experiences I shared with her, that she was almost positive my mother had been a BPD also (she had died several years previously at 59). All of a sudden so many things from my childhood became clear in a whole new way. My sister and I had always been aware that our mother was odd and extremely volatile, but we had assumed “that was just the way she was”. Her volatility had gotten my parents kicked out of their fundamentalist church congregation even though my father and his brother were both Elders at that location. My mother’s volatility went outwards in all directions and was most often directed at my sister and I, but my sister definitely got the worst of it. She was a drug addict from her early teens until she was 30. She got sober starting a few months after my mother, her tormentor, died. I was brought up to be extremely negative and self-critical and my mother’s favorite phrase was “always expect the worst in everything and you will never be disappointed”. She had a LOT of similar life advice that she freely shared with us. Around that same time I discovered that my father, who had always seemed very odd and was still alive at that time, was Schizoid PD. I have a very critical inner voice, how could I not? I have worked in therapy, journaled, done lots of yoga and meditation and have modified my critical inner voice greatly, but it’s not completely gone. I can totally understand your anguish over discovering well into adulthood, that your parents were not who you thought they were and the childhood you remembered was a fiction. Me too. All we can do is stay as mindful and conscious as we can and treat ourselves and those we love with the kindness we were denied in our own childhoods. We both deserved much better, and we can feel proud that our kids got a much better childhood than the one we had. Thank you so much for sharing how you can relate. It's crazy. I didn't put it together until my early 40's as well. I had done a bunch of work over years to deal with being abandoned by my dad who was an alcoholic (sober now many years)... various other things related to depression, some trauma, etc. But I kept finding myself in toxic, chaotic relationships with very emotional men, the angry type. My mom was angry. She was a flamer. She burned anyone who came close, really. Churches, hairdressers, ex husbands, anyone who didn't agree with her she would do a smear campaign and eventually of course that included me. My siblings were in denial a lot longer than I was. Who knows, she may have had a PD. Therapists have suggested BPD, but she was different than what I think of with BPD. She was cold and calculating in her attacks, there wasn't some kind of over the top emotionality save for one time she lost her shit in a very bizarre way because I didn't agree to a conspiracy theory she was into. I simply didn't agree and was dismissive because I didn't want to get into it and she got kind of hysterical and told me to get out of her house and never come back. I cut contact with her at that point so she launched a huge smear campaign. We came into contact again, and I found myself in the same place, a target of manipulation and strange covert maneuvers that were really just extremely confusing to me. She loved (?) and hated me. Idealized me and criticized me in the harshest way. The only thing she ever was treated for was anxiety, she took meds but wasn't anywhere near thinking she needed some kind of therapy. She was above all that, everyone else was the problem. She did seem to idealize me and then split and become harshly critical, I never knew what I was going to get. When I was an adult, she could be playful and warm or she could be mean. I don't remember her as much when I was a kid because honestly she just was absent, away in her room, on the phone (that's seriously my main memory) or at her typewriter firing off a letter to her mom that she had a decades long feud with. Or, she'd study religious books. Really study then. But she was almost always absent in some way. I have left every chaotic relationship I had. As I got older. I withdrew further and further in life, in general. So I know my kids' childhoods weren't as bad as mine with having a mother that persisted through her entire life in that dysfunction. I've gone through my stuff but didn't stay the same, all through their lives. So people can heal, and we are all evidence of that. But it sucks so much that they had to face the kind of chaos they did as a result of my dysfunctional relationship with their dad. It was not good. And his problems stood in the way of him being a stable father. How about you- the relationship your kids were born into. Was it chaotic? Unstable, in ways that impacted them? It's my hugest regret. Even though they are doing well, they went through a lot. There are some artifacts of their painful childhood that remain, and I can't even take all the responsibility for that as they have another parent who was half of the dynamic, but still I expected better from myself and I also tried very hard to do better, I just didn't have the tools or the amount of healing I needed at that time. I don't mean to whine. I'm thankful and feel good about how far I've come. Maybe midlife is indeed a time of reconciling it all, digging out any splinters that remain, and that's what I'm trying to do. Things are coming to the surface still and I want to work it out. Get more healing. I'm in such a good relationship now. That is tremendously helpful, very healing. My kids also have good relationships, after some bumpy ones that showed them their insecurities (I guess we all have to go through it). But they have relationships that are about growth and healing. Soooo far beyond where I was at their age, and I've been able to share my gains with them. They are old enough now to understand, to see and to appreciate the transformation in our lives. So for that, I'm extremely grateful. Need this monkey off my back, then! I'll be putting in the effort to nurture compassion and quiet the critic with a wiser, gentler voice. Like the teacher at the second school in that exercise we listened to.
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Post by introvert on May 25, 2022 14:46:17 GMT
Ive been doing a ton of reading and making sense of things, taking it out of the emotional space of guilt and shame and into understanding what happens in the cognitive and emotional functioning in a person who was conditioned in a negative family. So, taking it beyond me (guilt and shame) and the inferiority that those emotions create.. into a big-picture view of the whole system and how it's been going on so long (through the generations) Of course, this is information I have learned along the way, but at times of trigger I forget, lose sight, get a little blinded by the pain.
I am feeling much better, and also recognize that the guilt and the endangerment states are NOT present moment, which is where I want to be. Indeed, life is pretty good in the present moment.
I was reading about Internal Family Systems. I've run across that before but didn't pursue it. I'm thinking of ordering a workbook to give myself some concrete exercises to work through.
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ron
New Member
Posts: 17
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Post by ron on May 25, 2022 22:15:01 GMT
Introvert I didn’t know anything was seriously wrong with my mother until I broke up with a BPD woman in my 40s. As I picked through the wreckage of that relationship, I was able to figure out that she was Borderline PD which explained many of her hurtful and puzzling behaviors. I was also struck by how similar she was to my mother, which I had only been partially conscious of before. I discussed this with my therapist, and she told me, based on the childhood experiences I shared with her, that she was almost positive my mother had been a BPD also (she had died several years previously at 59). All of a sudden so many things from my childhood became clear in a whole new way. My sister and I had always been aware that our mother was odd and extremely volatile, but we had assumed “that was just the way she was”. Her volatility had gotten my parents kicked out of their fundamentalist church congregation even though my father and his brother were both Elders at that location. My mother’s volatility went outwards in all directions and was most often directed at my sister and I, but my sister definitely got the worst of it. She was a drug addict from her early teens until she was 30. She got sober starting a few months after my mother, her tormentor, died. I was brought up to be extremely negative and self-critical and my mother’s favorite phrase was “always expect the worst in everything and you will never be disappointed”. She had a LOT of similar life advice that she freely shared with us. Around that same time I discovered that my father, who had always seemed very odd and was still alive at that time, was Schizoid PD. I have a very critical inner voice, how could I not? I have worked in therapy, journaled, done lots of yoga and meditation and have modified my critical inner voice greatly, but it’s not completely gone. I can totally understand your anguish over discovering well into adulthood, that your parents were not who you thought they were and the childhood you remembered was a fiction. Me too. All we can do is stay as mindful and conscious as we can and treat ourselves and those we love with the kindness we were denied in our own childhoods. We both deserved much better, and we can feel proud that our kids got a much better childhood than the one we had. Thank you so much for sharing how you can relate. It's crazy. I didn't put it together until my early 40's as well. I had done a bunch of work over years to deal with being abandoned by my dad who was an alcoholic (sober now many years)... various other things related to depression, some trauma, etc. But I kept finding myself in toxic, chaotic relationships with very emotional men, the angry type. My mom was angry. She was a flamer. She burned anyone who came close, really. Churches, hairdressers, ex husbands, anyone who didn't agree with her she would do a smear campaign and eventually of course that included me. My siblings were in denial a lot longer than I was. Who knows, she may have had a PD. Therapists have suggested BPD, but she was different than what I think of with BPD. She was cold and calculating in her attacks, there wasn't some kind of over the top emotionality save for one time she lost her shit in a very bizarre way because I didn't agree to a conspiracy theory she was into. I simply didn't agree and was dismissive because I didn't want to get into it and she got kind of hysterical and told me to get out of her house and never come back. I cut contact with her at that point so she launched a huge smear campaign. We came into contact again, and I found myself in the same place, a target of manipulation and strange covert maneuvers that were really just extremely confusing to me. She loved (?) and hated me. Idealized me and criticized me in the harshest way. The only thing she ever was treated for was anxiety, she took meds but wasn't anywhere near thinking she needed some kind of therapy. She was above all that, everyone else was the problem. She did seem to idealize me and then split and become harshly critical, I never knew what I was going to get. When I was an adult, she could be playful and warm or she could be mean. I don't remember her as much when I was a kid because honestly she just was absent, away in her room, on the phone (that's seriously my main memory) or at her typewriter firing off a letter to her mom that she had a decades long feud with. Or, she'd study religious books. Really study then. But she was almost always absent in some way. I have left every chaotic relationship I had. As I got older. I withdrew further and further in life, in general. So I know my kids' childhoods weren't as bad as mine with having a mother that persisted through her entire life in that dysfunction. I've gone through my stuff but didn't stay the same, all through their lives. So people can heal, and we are all evidence of that. But it sucks so much that they had to face the kind of chaos they did as a result of my dysfunctional relationship with their dad. It was not good. And his problems stood in the way of him being a stable father. How about you- the relationship your kids were born into. Was it chaotic? Unstable, in ways that impacted them? It's my hugest regret. Even though they are doing well, they went through a lot. There are some artifacts of their painful childhood that remain, and I can't even take all the responsibility for that as they have another parent who was half of the dynamic, but still I expected better from myself and I also tried very hard to do better, I just didn't have the tools or the amount of healing I needed at that time. I don't mean to whine. I'm thankful and feel good about how far I've come. Maybe midlife is indeed a time of reconciling it all, digging out any splinters that remain, and that's what I'm trying to do. Things are coming to the surface still and I want to work it out. Get more healing. I'm in such a good relationship now. That is tremendously helpful, very healing. My kids also have good relationships, after some bumpy ones that showed them their insecurities (I guess we all have to go through it). But they have relationships that are about growth and healing. Soooo far beyond where I was at their age, and I've been able to share my gains with them. They are old enough now to understand, to see and to appreciate the transformation in our lives. So for that, I'm extremely grateful. Need this monkey off my back, then! I'll be putting in the effort to nurture compassion and quiet the critic with a wiser, gentler voice. Like the teacher at the second school in that exercise we listened to. The household my son grew up in was pretty calm overall. My marriage to his mother was relatively even keeled until she had an affair with the parent of one of her students (she is a grammar school teacher). The affair ended the marriage but I was careful to keep things calm afterwards for my son's sake. I would not have been acting anywhere near so even-tempered after the affair if it was only me that was involved, but it is amazing what you can do for your child. I think my son was more confused than anything else, and since there was very little arguing before or after the affair, it must have seemed completely out of the blue to him. We were all together, and then suddenly we weren't. Co-parenting went pretty smoothly although he was always closer emotionally to me than he was to his mother. He is an adult now and recently was estranged from his mother for a couple of years (long story) but they have a somewhat tentative relationship again now.
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Post by introvert on May 26, 2022 15:23:42 GMT
ron that is so good and your children are fortunate. My children's father was aggressive and fought constantly and I had become financially dependent to take care of the kids at home. I regret staying as long as I did, because of the anger they were exposed to and the fact that I felt depressed and hopeless to live normally. I took good care of them but they were exposed to the angry fights. They are pretty well adjusted by now, and I'm so thankful because my grandchildren have it better than any of us have!! I think that holding my new baby granddaughter stirred sadness in me for the memories of my children's home growing up. It just triggered me and it was right around mother's day. But all I can do is let that go, it's tied to the inner critic guilt. Today is a new day.
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Post by introvert on May 26, 2022 15:43:40 GMT
Also ron, I'm sorry your kid has gone through difficulties with mom. One thing I know is that as problematic as a romantic relationship may be, the parent-child relationship is important to the child's development and well being, all throughout life. My kids have gone through estrangement because of difficult behavior patterns in their dad, but overall seems to be using healthy coping and boundaries. The situation has provided an opportunity to mentor them about relationship to themselves and others in general. A tricky subject to avoid alienating them from him while still validating their feelings of being treated poorly. They have been. It sounds like you've done a great job as a parent, and that's really an accomplishment in this attachment dilemma.
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ron
New Member
Posts: 17
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Post by ron on May 26, 2022 17:50:07 GMT
ron that is so good and your children are fortunate. My children's father was aggressive and fought constantly and I had become financially dependent to take care of the kids at home. I regret staying as long as I did, because of the anger they were exposed to and the fact that I felt depressed and hopeless to live normally. I took good care of them but they were exposed to the angry fights. They are pretty well adjusted by now, and I'm so thankful because my grandchildren have it better than any of us have!! I think that holding my new baby granddaughter stirred sadness in me for the memories of my children's home growing up. It just triggered me and it was right around mother's day. But all I can do is let that go, it's tied to the inner critic guilt. Today is a new day. Introvert it sounds like you are processing a lot of painful memories right now and I am sending positive energy your way. Recently I have been using an app on my iPhone to do breathwork called BreathGuru to help me process some of my old memories and so far I like it. It is free and you might want to check it out.
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Post by introvert on May 27, 2022 12:04:52 GMT
ron that is so good and your children are fortunate. My children's father was aggressive and fought constantly and I had become financially dependent to take care of the kids at home. I regret staying as long as I did, because of the anger they were exposed to and the fact that I felt depressed and hopeless to live normally. I took good care of them but they were exposed to the angry fights. They are pretty well adjusted by now, and I'm so thankful because my grandchildren have it better than any of us have!! I think that holding my new baby granddaughter stirred sadness in me for the memories of my children's home growing up. It just triggered me and it was right around mother's day. But all I can do is let that go, it's tied to the inner critic guilt. Today is a new day. Introvert it sounds like you are processing a lot of painful memories right now and I am sending positive energy your way. Recently I have been using an app on my iPhone to do breathwork called BreathGuru to help me process some of my old memories and so far I like it. It is free and you might want to check it out. I am, I am processing memories that haunt me. Thank you. I will check out BreathGuru. When I encounter the memories that hurt I go automatically into thought, I can't grieve properly. I think that's where the inner critic steps up to analyze me. I lose the grief and move straight to guilt. But I need to grieve and actually heal and get to the other side. Guilt can never help me do that, plus it catastrophizes and even tells me lies like it was all my fault and the damage is irreparable. I'm sure that the guilt and shame laid on me since I was little exaggerates every detail. My kids are not living breathing products of trauma. They often tell me that they appreciate the way that I have mothered them. So it's grief, my own grief I need to heal.
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Post by introvert on May 27, 2022 12:26:48 GMT
hey ron thank you for supporting me and empathizing with me on this thread. It means a lot to me. This pain has been eating me for years, in a loop of guilt and shame that has imprisoned my mind. Awareness of my wounds was one thing, and it inspired me to begin to heal. But the guilt trap has become destructive to me. It's so hard to see it for what it is when you are underneath it and it's all you have ever known. To be able to share it is a huge feat, and to be met with the support you've offered is really helpful.
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Post by cft2022 on May 27, 2022 14:06:02 GMT
I've been trying to actively engage in healing my Inner Critic. So I've been researching the topic, reading about it from the psychological perspective, philosophical perspective, religious perspective. All of these perspectives agree that it is harmful, counterproductive, and has its roots in negative messaging from unhelpful people in my early life in particular. There was a profound lack of empathy for me, for any of us kids, in my family. I can't remember anyone talking to me about how I felt, like asking me how I am doing and if I need support. Children seemed mainly to be a problem except when they were performing functions for the survival of the family. I remember the opposite of nurture... harsh criticism , teasing, or being ignored not actively but passively ignored by adults who had other concerns. I do remember my mother trying to support my dreams of being a veterinarian, when I was a teen. But there was so little support for the struggles I had. I think the emphasize was on being successful, maybe because she didn't feel successful and wishes she could have done better, I don't know. I think she really felt like a failure and she put that on me. She didn't know how to talk to herself in a compassionate, supportive way and she didn't know how to talk to me that way either. I remember her telling me she watched me suffer, and it was so difficult... but I honestly cannot remember her soothing me during those times, I felt alone. I guess she just didn't know how. Maybe she thought that distracting me was helpful, maybe she felt I was able to soothe myself or that I would overcome it, it's just a part of life, I don't know. I just don't remember anybody helping me, it was about them. It was about my mom's suffering and my dad's suffering, they were in too much of their own pain to help us out. So, I was left to cope with my fears and emotions on my own, of course, and I adopted the techniques that I learned. These are negative techniques of "teaching". That's what I'm really trying to do, when my inner critic chimes in... I'm trying to teach myself to do better. But it feels awful, and that's not the side of me that is helpful, compassionate, and inspiring. I do have that side of me and access it a lot! But when I'm down about something that really matters deeply to me, this horrible voice pops up and I'm exhausted by trying to counter it. It's so ingrained. The idea that I could have and should have prevented my pain and everybody else's. It's all my fault. On the other hand, Over years I really have been able to be good to myself, and get myself through some very tough things with self love and encouragement. I've been able to build quite a bit of success not by flogging myself but by being my own best friend. So all is not lost, I haven't completely missed the boat. This critic just gets triggered sometimes. Lately it seems to be mother's day that amplified it. I've seen Thais Gibson's videos about the inner critic of the DA that's relentless, constant. I didn't even realize that was going on in me in years past. I didn't!!! Now Im more self aware I feel the sting of it. I also know it's not nice. It's so ugly. It's a bully, and it's my mom telling me that I destroy people and things I love the most because I'm just that incapable. No matter how I try, no matter how much I truly love, I'm some kind of monster, uncaring, incapable of being good for anybody. So that's definitely something I take issue with when insecure anxious come to the boards and demonize their avoidant exes... it's that same angry, self righteous nag that has no empathy for another person suffering. The blame, the shame, the self-justifying attacks on the avoidant's motives, feelings, and actions. It's truly destructive and I think any avoidant that is in a relationship with someone like that is enacting their childhood wounds. Just like an anxious person is reenacting their abandonment, the avoidant is reenacting their oppression if they are with the angry type of AP. There are the more sad types, and the more angry types of AP, and the latter is the one that gave me a boot-shaped dent in my chest and my head. Especially in adolescence, when a young person is struggling so much to know who they are and where they fit. I don't have a purely negative view of my mom... I understand that she was a woman who suffered a lot in her life and did not have the support she needed to thrive. She survived a lot, I mean the things she went through and also it was her way of life. I talk to her about my good and bad feelings toward her. The things I understand and the things I don't. Those things shift over time as I get deeper, I understand more. But it all still hurts to some degree. So, I've been listening to some exercises to help transform this inner voice. I've found the Compassionate Mind Foundation, and they gave some exercises on Soundcloud. I think that all insecure types can benefit from this. Even the angry AP's are dealing with their own inner critic... they just seem to focus more on lashing out I think. But they've been hurt too. I can have compassion for that, without condoning it. So anyway, here's a link to an exercise I found somewhat cathartic, it really helped me shift and I'm going to try to continue to work with this to change these deeper layers of dysfunction in my relationship to myself. I hope someone finds them as helpful as I have. m.soundcloud.com/compassionatemind/addressing-self-crticism/s-U19Fd?in=compassionatemind/sets/compassionate-mindsReading this was in some ways cathartic for me. Your story sounds like mine. Just to hear someone else articulate it - work through it - try to unpack what was going through their parents' minds - that was so helpful for me to hear voiced. I'll be following this thread as I've been dealing with some PROFOUND negative self talk. I don't like it - it needs to change. It's damaging my life and keeping me stuck in terrible relationships. My mother was a refugee survivor - major ptsd, then physical and emotional abuse by my father - who was also abused heavily as a child. I had NO RIGHT to complain, to be heard, to be cared for in any capacity. I was the parent to my mother. I feel you.
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Post by introvert on May 27, 2022 14:56:03 GMT
cft2022, I am glad that this thread has been cathartic for you and is something you want to join in on. I think we can all do a good job of supporting and encouraging each other. I was thinking this morning... a real challenge in refuting the analysis of my inner critic is that it is very, very rational. It makes good sense, but is distorted by a one-sided view. What I mean is, it's the synopsis of everything I've learned about attachment trauma, applied to my children... but without the complete view of taking into account my own trauma, my own strengths, and the capacity to heal and transform. So it's real news, but just the bad news and it's real news, but incomplete news. It's hard to argue with, without having balance, wisdom and compassion... and hope. That's what makes it so devastating. But the truth is, this pattern has been handed down to me and it's not my fault... it's my opportunity to CHANGE it going forward. There is a whole other side of this that guilt and shame ignores. The other side is the side I am living and working with. So I really don't want to be sidetracked by this guilt and shame shit anymore. It steals my hope and my peace. But I'm making gains here.
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Post by elizabeth on Jun 17, 2022 16:28:04 GMT
oh introvert, i am learning more and more about your story, and i can really relate to all of these feelings you are expressing. we seem to share some common traumatic themes from childhood. i wish i had more time to write, but i am at work and the boyfriend is visiting this weekend, so i wont have much opportunity to reply as well as i want to until maybe Sunday or Monday, but i just want you to know, I HEAR you! i feel what you are saying so much, and thank you for just letting it all out. One thing I will say is that you have nothing to be ashamed of. You have been through a heck of a lot and i think you should acknowledge how far you have come and how much you have already achieved in your personal growth. i am gonna stop here because i dont want to halfass this in a hurry, but I will be back! have a great weekend! x
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Post by elizabeth on Jun 20, 2022 15:52:41 GMT
oh introvert, i am learning more and more about your story, and i can really relate to all of these feelings you are expressing. we seem to share some common traumatic themes from childhood. i wish i had more time to write, but i am at work and the boyfriend is visiting this weekend, so i wont have much opportunity to reply as well as i want to until maybe Sunday or Monday, but i just want you to know, I HEAR you! i feel what you are saying so much, and thank you for just letting it all out. One thing I will say is that you have nothing to be ashamed of. You have been through a heck of a lot and i think you should acknowledge how far you have come and how much you have already achieved in your personal growth. i am gonna stop here because i dont want to halfass this in a hurry, but I will be back! have a great weekend! x hi introvert. i have found the tag button, but doesnt seem to find you. anyway i thought i had so much to say in response to this on friday, but no time to say it at that time... and now this morning i am feeling like a hermit crab and all out of sorts, so i cant even remember all the things i was inspired to say and which i had promised to say this week in response. so i`m just gonna go back to lurking and reading.
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Post by introvert on Jun 20, 2022 16:06:12 GMT
oh introvert, i am learning more and more about your story, and i can really relate to all of these feelings you are expressing. we seem to share some common traumatic themes from childhood. i wish i had more time to write, but i am at work and the boyfriend is visiting this weekend, so i wont have much opportunity to reply as well as i want to until maybe Sunday or Monday, but i just want you to know, I HEAR you! i feel what you are saying so much, and thank you for just letting it all out. One thing I will say is that you have nothing to be ashamed of. You have been through a heck of a lot and i think you should acknowledge how far you have come and how much you have already achieved in your personal growth. i am gonna stop here because i dont want to halfass this in a hurry, but I will be back! have a great weekend! x hi introvert. i have found the tag button, but doesnt seem to find you. anyway i thought i had so much to say in response to this on friday, but no time to say it at that time... and now this morning i am feeling like a hermit crab and all out of sorts, so i cant even remember all the things i was inspired to say and which i had promised to say this week in response. so i`m just gonna go back to lurking and reading. Hi elizabeth! I don't know why Im not available for tagging, it must be in my settings and I will try to fix that. And, I totally understand!! Ot means a lot to me just to know we relate to one another. I get you lol! Sometimes we have to strike when the iron is hot or we miss the chance... no worries!! Enjoy lurking and I love the contributions you make as well.
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Post by alexandra on Jun 20, 2022 18:25:28 GMT
With tagging, you need to use the original account registration name listed in the profile, even if you've changed your screenname after.
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