Dismissive Avoidant (I think)!!

You are NOT happy to accept it. Clearly. You are trying to decipher and change it, and make it about what you want instead of what she has clearly told you.

You could communicate that you accept her decision and express well wishes for her during this difficult time, and withdraw to tend to your own needs and feelings concerning the end of the relationship. Like people do when they break up.

Hey I get that this is painful and I do empathize but you definitely have veered out of your lane.  It's going to be torture to get back into your lane but in the long run it's the only way to be healthy and move on.  

Breakups can trigger our worst insecurities.  That's where self care and tending to your emotional needs in a healthy way (by allowing grief and relinquishing control over her) can help you.  Have compassion for yourself but be clear that if it's ended, it's out of your control and the only way forward is to get good support for the breakup, as is.  As is.  Not as you wish it was, but as it is. 

You can heal but it will take determination to do so.  Best to you.

The 3% man is Corey Wayne. Here's the thing about those get your ex back and "be a man" self help gurus. Some of what they have to say may be helpful in regards to telling you not to be a doormat (ie, have healthy boundaries) and have confidence in yourself. But for them to be helpful, you need to only be taking the good advice while filtering out the bad, and if you're either inexperienced in dating say after being with the same person so long, or insecure yourself and trying to heal, knowing what advice of theirs is bad and filtering it out is difficult. They're trying to sell you something, so there's some good advice but a lot of it is bad. One thing I always suggest doing is looking at who you are listening to. Does he have the relationship or marriage that you envision for yourself? Or is he still single? It is (not always but) usually better to be taking advice from someone who talks the talk and walks the walk. Meaning, either someone who knows what a healthy relationship looks like because they have experience with them, or someone who has experience at the very least starting to work through their own trauma and issues who can give you solid feedback on getting there yourself, being more objective about your ex/partner and how to better listen to what they're saying, and pitfalls to avoid.

We live in a tough society that can condition men to not process their feelings, which actually forces them to hold onto trauma instead of working through it. That's why when you face a situation like this, you even wonder if opening up and being more sensitive is worth it because you're overwhelmed by what you're feeling without having all the tools to deal with it. The lack of feeling grounded in yourself is why the breakup hurts so much, it's not because your life is worse for going to therapy and trying to unlock some of what I'm going to go out on a limb and call emotional constipation. It's just you're still in process of figuring out who you are and how to deal with stuff society, culture, and probably your own parents taught you to just tough it out about, so you're still learning what you need to in order to have better relationships and mental health.

You need to be careful with get back your ex people because some are good (they teach you to focus on self and work through your feelings and improve communication and trust to build better connections), but most are teaching you tactics that ONLY work on other insecure attachers. Which means you might get your ex back for a while, but the dynamic will be toxic and fall apart again at some point. Plus in using those tactics, you'll eventually rinse and repeat with another person in your next relationship and the one after that.

I'd recommend taking a listen to Jayson Gaddis. His style of talking gets very rambling sometimes, but he is a man who has worked through a lot of this stuff and has been married with kids for a long time. It may come off as sensitive, but his approach is healthy and he wants to help other men overcome some of these issues. It may or may not click with you, but you'll get better advice for real healing and attracting better women for yourself (whether that's your ex or moving on to someone else eventually) than listening to Corey Wayne.

I also wonder if mrob has anything to add, as one of few resident men on this board who also deals with dating at a more mature age and gender expectation issues.

Great, I hope it helps. Once I could get beyond his rambling communication style, I found Gaddis incredibly helpful even for me (as a woman). Plus he actually has a master's degree and psychological training, so he's got both experience and education to back up his advice.

It is fine to have a feeling of anger at the situation…but there was some “reading into it” that was a concern.   

You are correct @trn9 and think that comes from desperation.... I had another (really good) video chat with the ex tonight (which in some regards is confusing) and feel she needs to accept me for who I am and not what I think she may want me to be. I need to focus on making myself be the best I can be, for me, and ultimately be happy (or content).

I'm looking forward to catching up with her on Thursday and going for a walk...

I genuinely value everyones input here and I know I'm a little screwed in the head at the moment.. It would have been far easier if she had found someone else which would have forced me to let go....