Confused after being ghosted by fearful avoidant.

Aside from being honest about needing more space, I'm not sure why he also needs to know she's confused and his message isn't enough for her? He isn't asking her for anything or offering anything other than an apology (which sounds like it's out of guilt, what tnr9 said about it being all about him and that's why it isn't enough). I'd agree if they were trying to work things out in some capacity, but that's not what he reached out about.

Once you get over this anxiety you're having you likely won't give a shit about being friends, that's a cute little trap that insecurity lays for you.

Best thing you can do is purge this toxic, absolutely dead end entanglement out of your life and try to keep growing so that you don't repeat this. You may have one or a few insecure entanglements ahead, just try to learn from each one so that one day you can choose a healthier partner because you're healthier too. In the meantime the more time and energy you waste on this particular guy... the more you'll shake your head in disbelief when you're finally done. What I'm saying is, insecurity is like being drunk and when you sober up you're like "what the f*%$ was I thinking, OMG 🤦‍♀️"

Why are you asking about why an FA doesn't formally end a relationship when you haven't done so here yourself? If you keep it to your own insecure behavior, your own inability to make a choice for yourself that is reasonable and secure, you will find you have a lot to work on.

I’ve done this too - left the door wide open for someone to come back in after they’ve been really confused about what they want and gone back and forth on that… but truth is, someone else’s confusion is your clarity. What you can feel clear on is that he’s not ready and doesn’t know if he wants you/a relationship. And means you need to close the door yourself, and not wait for him to do it. As someone else said, he’ll let you know in a clear way if he changes his mind and suddenly feels ready.

This is a gigantic difference. But I've found in my own experiences that if it's true and you're really ready for a serious relationship, you won't leave the door open for someone who is so far away from having the same goals. Doing so closes the door completely on someone else who is available to you. So in a way, it puts you in a mindset where you yourself are not actually available for the relationship you say you want.

Again, you are making statements about him which apply to you. You might think you're ready but you are NOT, because you are in conflict and confusion about a man who neglected your emotional needs the whole time and continues to now. If you were taking your own emotional needs seriously you would not be focusing on why he does this or that, if he does this or that... you are conveniently placing your thoughts on him and not applying your statements to yourself.

If you were ready, you would behave as if you were ready and close the door on this guy who isn't ready. So just be clear with yourself, go ahead and admit it... you are emotionally not ready for a relationship.

To be ready for a healthy relationship, you have to be ready to receive and you are most attracted to someone who has something to offer. Instead, you remain stuck internally with someone who literally won't answer your call and hasn't interacted with you in weeks.

There isn't anything inherently shameful about being emotionally unavailable or about having attachment issues, so I'm not beating you up but be real... you are not ready for a relationship and it's time to stop comparing yourself to him, saying you're ready and he's not. You're kidding yourself, and it isn't going to do you any good.

When you're ready, you won't be waiting around for someone who has behaved like this all this time, hot and cold, insecure and unavailable. Until then, you are behaving insecurely because you are insecure, and you're not emotionally available or ready foe a relationship, meaning you have more to explore in yourself instead of pinning it all on him. It's not about him.

Honestly, that's probably the biggest blind spot for anxious attachers. Thais Gibson has some illuminating videos about the emotional unavailable piece. For anxious types.