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Post by permanentdamage99 on Jul 11, 2024 18:25:36 GMT
Also, my father started drinking after his mother commited suicide - me and my siblings were still toddlers, so I’ve known him as an alcoholic my entire life, but my mother talked about how he was before and how that life tragedy affected him later on. So there is always a reason why people act the way they do.
I know we can’t help those who can’t help themselves, and those who don’t wanna be helped, I just fell in love with his potential and I am stuck on it, I am weak for that boy I fell in love with, that’s the (made up) reality I have to move on from.
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Post by lovebunny on Jul 12, 2024 12:19:49 GMT
" I don’t wanna look back and think I could’ve done more for him. Because I do suspect he suffers from depression, "
All of these are just excuses so you can continue to play the game. He survived before you came along, and will survive afterwards.
You act like you have no power to say "No," and if he calls, you must respond.
You're not going to heal as long as you stay in this, friend.
Editing this* to say one more thing: You aren't doing him any favors. As long as a woman will put up with his breadcrumbing & avoidance, he never has to change for the better, does he?
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Post by tnr9 on Jul 12, 2024 13:24:17 GMT
Also, my father started drinking after his mother commited suicide - me and my siblings were still toddlers, so I’ve known him as an alcoholic my entire life, but my mother talked about how he was before and how that life tragedy affected him later on. So there is always a reason why people act the way they do. I know we can’t help those who can’t help themselves, and those who don’t wanna be helped, I just fell in love with his potential and I am stuck on it, I am weak for that boy I fell in love with, that’s the (made up) reality I have to move on from. THIS…here is your answer. You tried so hard to help your father because you love him. I too have done that with both my dad and my mom. Their divorce left my brothers and I feeling over responsible for our mom due to how our dad treated her post the divorce. This became a pattern of being attracted to underdogs and feeling over responsible to see their good side and try to help them. But, in this process of choosing the underdogs….i was actually causing myself pain because i put up with a lot of mental and emotional abuse ( which is exactly what happened to me as a child…my mom and my dad were not good parents….they did their best…but i had to own that they were not present to meet my needs and could be very cruel). Right now, you are giving this guy the same care as you gave to your dad…..but at a cost to your own wellbeing. He likely has lots of issues, but you can’t be responsible, can’t truly help him and are in a sense, preventing him from getting the help he needs. He may need to hit rock bottom to see he needs help but you are enabling him to stay status quo while putting yourself through a roller coaster of fears. People are complex….and if you dig deep enough into anyone’s story….you will find some reason they do what they do….but that should not excuse poor communication, unhealthy behaviors and an inability to consider other people. If the roles were reversed…do you believe he would be there for you? If the answer is no…even if it it could be yes a small percentage of the time….than it really is time to move forward with out him. I am so sorry that you had to experience a painful childhood and that your parents could not be the parents you needed them to be. It is time to work on healing with a therapist who is familiar with trauma. I recommend a somatic experiencing therapist who can work with you through trauma that has stored up within your body. This guy you have been dating is responsible for his own healing journey. Good luck. |
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