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Post by Deleted on Feb 27, 2018 20:42:43 GMT
I could probably go on forever in the state of ambiguity as long as I was having a good time with the person. The answer to this is what feels good for you. Sometimes riding the roller coaster is worth it because you are riding it with him, sometimes it's just time to get off. I think that if I could be accepting of the idea that this is how it is - rather than clinging to the hope of something, maybe I would be more peaceful in seeing him and actually enjoy the friendship. The clinging is triggered I am sure by his own ambivalence - the come here go away kind of message which seems to be underlying most of our interactions. I am a peaceful kind of person and don't want any roller coastering - rather a simple and gentle way of living - perhaps this is possible even with him around doing his crazy thing if I just accept this as it is and get on with loving me. Why don't you just ask him whatever it is you want to know? Would the answer actually change the situation? |
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Post by ocarina on Feb 27, 2018 21:04:03 GMT
I think that if I could be accepting of the idea that this is how it is - rather than clinging to the hope of something, maybe I would be more peaceful in seeing him and actually enjoy the friendship. The clinging is triggered I am sure by his own ambivalence - the come here go away kind of message which seems to be underlying most of our interactions. I am a peaceful kind of person and don't want any roller coastering - rather a simple and gentle way of living - perhaps this is possible even with him around doing his crazy thing if I just accept this as it is and get on with loving me. Why don't you just ask him whatever it is you want to know? Would the answer actually change the situation? Good question. Relationship discussions don't seem to be my thing - or his lol... What do I need to ask - I suppose what he wants from me. My guess is he doesn't know and hence here we are stuck in the merrygoround. When I left he told me it was my decision - that I should do whatever I wanted but a relationship takes two people making the decisions, having the discussions. The answer would change the situation - if he wanted to move our relationship forward, we would need to think and work long and hard on our individual difficulties for the sake of a collective "us". If he felt unable or unwilling to do this after a year apart I would, I think, need to put all expectations aside totally and accept that "us" will never be. Whether a friendship could be maintained I am not sure. |
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Post by Deleted on Feb 27, 2018 21:33:00 GMT
Why don't you just ask him whatever it is you want to know? Would the answer actually change the situation? Good question. Relationship discussions don't seem to be my thing - or his lol... What do I need to ask - I suppose what he wants from me. My guess is he doesn't know and hence here we are stuck in the merrygoround. When I left he told me it was my decision - that I should do whatever I wanted but a relationship takes two people making the decisions, having the discussions. The answer would change the situation - if he wanted to move our relationship forward, we would need to think and work long and hard on our individual difficulties for the sake of a collective "us". If he felt unable or unwilling to do this after a year apart I would, I think, need to put all expectations aside totally and accept that "us" will never be. Whether a friendship could be maintained I am not sure. Well the answer to what does he want from you will only change your expectations. I think the question is what is he willing to do to build your relationship. |
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