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Post by kristyrose on Mar 1, 2018 21:00:45 GMT
Now that I think of it, I'm not even mad he asked and perhaps I should be. I mean I'm so out of touch with my anger towards his behavior and sometimes I think its because I understand it to a certain extent and it makes me feel more sad for him than anything, then sad for myself. I look at us both as people who have some serious issues, only one of us is putting the time and effort into fixing. Makes me sad he doesnt for himself. I also don't even feel uncomfortable he asked, more like happy/confused/triggered- does this seem odd? Having compassion is a great quality and I think that is foremost for you, but don't take yourself out of the equation. I told my bf that just because he was unaware that he was hurting me and it was unintentional, doesn't excuse it. I have a right to be mad and hurt as do you. His request is insensitive at the very least and he is not thinking about your feelings (he's self absorbed). You don't ask an ex that is grieving for past text messages. He didn't play the scenario out in his head. If he had, he would've thought through what that question would do to you. At the very least, you would wonder why he's asking, you might be hurt, you might be hopeful, etc. He didn't think about you and that's why I would be mad. You're right Mary. I always excuse his behavior by either taking all the responsibility, or by infantilizing. His request is VERY insensitive and it shows how little he considers my feelings. He felt like wanted our texts for whatever reason, but definitely did not take my feelings into consideration. Although, honestly he hasn't considered my feelings this entire past year. It feels like once he made the decision to end things as a couple, it gave him less reason to care about me as a person. Like he put me into a different box in his mind and decided that he could treat me however based on that. |
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Post by madamebovary on Mar 1, 2018 22:09:02 GMT
Having compassion is a great quality and I think that is foremost for you, but don't take yourself out of the equation. I told my bf that just because he was unaware that he was hurting me and it was unintentional, doesn't excuse it. I have a right to be mad and hurt as do you. His request is insensitive at the very least and he is not thinking about your feelings (he's self absorbed). You don't ask an ex that is grieving for past text messages. He didn't play the scenario out in his head. If he had, he would've thought through what that question would do to you. At the very least, you would wonder why he's asking, you might be hurt, you might be hopeful, etc. He didn't think about you and that's why I would be mad. You're right Mary. I always excuse his behavior by either taking all the responsibility, or by infantilizing. His request is VERY insensitive and it shows how little he considers my feelings. He felt like wanted our texts for whatever reason, but definitely did not take my feelings into consideration. Although, honestly he hasn't considered my feelings this entire past year. It feels like once he made the decision to end things as a couple, it gave him less reason to care about me as a person. Like he put me into a different box in his mind and decided that he could treat me however based on that. I just talked to a friend about this today, after watching the MPI Guy video. I have this tendency to excuse his behavior with me and say “he can’t help it, it’s how he grew up, he’s just an emotional mess... I have to be patient” but after seeing the MPI video... I can see that he is doing the minimal amount possible to keep me from moving forward and away from him. And honestly, I swear they have radar and they can TELL when you’re feeling good or starting to get over them, because invariably, that’s when I’ll get a text. It’s maddening and soul-crushing (when they don’t return it or abruptly disappear again after a couple texts). |
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Post by kristyrose on Mar 2, 2018 0:14:14 GMT
madamebovaryI just watched that video. I liked how the host pointed out all the other guys we are missing out on, due to the sheer energy we sink into our ex's. I know that logically ,but hearing it definitely helps. My ex is in frequent contact, but I do believe it is in a way to keep me baited and his ego full stroked. He texted me earlier asking how my day is- I didn't respond then a few hours later asked me out to a show tonight. I told him I have plans- which I do actually, maybe thankfully. I notice he tries to make plans with me on thursdays a lot, almost to avoid the weekends- but then will text over the weekend anyway. its annoying.
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Post by leavethelighton on Mar 2, 2018 0:44:17 GMT
Did you decide not to send the texts? Something seems sketchy to me about an ex who wants the racey texts too, that's for sure.
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Post by kristyrose on Mar 2, 2018 1:03:12 GMT
No, I did not send them
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Post by guest on Mar 2, 2018 4:47:55 GMT
Dare you to erase them Kristyrose, it's just the push of a button...
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Post by cricket on Mar 2, 2018 4:55:12 GMT
Dare you to erase them Kristyrose, it's just the push of a button... Lol.. that's going a little too far! Don't be ridiculous. |
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Post by mrob on Mar 2, 2018 9:08:40 GMT
All those things you mentioned about him above may be true, Kristy, but they’re his stuff to work through, should he choose to do so. There are people who can go through life, living with the big stuff like this and put up with the discomfort. Looking at this isn’t for the feint hearted.
As I was told recently.....”and I deserve more than that”. And she was right. There comes a point where it’s one way or the other, and unfortunately, (brace for sexism) women call that shot.
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Post by kristyrose on Mar 2, 2018 18:25:48 GMT
All those things you mentioned about him above may be true, Kristy, but they’re his stuff to work through, should he choose to do so. There are people who can go through life, living with the big stuff like this and put up with the discomfort. Looking at this isn’t for the feint hearted. As I was told recently.....”and I deserve more than that”. And she was right. There comes a point where it’s one way or the other, and unfortunately, (brace for sexism) women call that shot. Yeah, he needs to work through it and won't. I guess I just can't understand how he would not want to, but of course that's naive, a lot of people with these kinds of issues don't want to to do the hard work. it's very scary and difficult. haha it's ok! i think in this case I do need to call that shot... |
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Post by kristyrose on Mar 2, 2018 18:30:03 GMT
Dare you to erase them Kristyrose, it's just the push of a button... Lol.. that's going a little too far! Don't be ridiculous. and cricketthis made me laugh, both of you! |
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Post by guest on Mar 2, 2018 21:38:49 GMT
kristyrose, seriously, just delete the whole years long conversation, I think by holding onto them part of you is living in the past, life's too short for that. I know it's easier said than done, but consider it.
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Post by kristyrose on Mar 2, 2018 22:07:31 GMT
guestI will try. I know you are right because I'm feeling all f**kd up again thinking about things. He is going to to the snow this weekend by himself and all i can think about is when we went over the years and how much fun we had. then to make myself feel even more shitty i think of how he will probably go and meet someone while there and on and on... its bad. he wants to hang out tonight despite having to leave at like 4am tmrw, so he wants it to be a quick hang.
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