The personal leadership and when the nerveussystem brakes

The personal leadership and when the nerveussystem brakes Apr 24, 2019 11:57:13 GMT via mobile

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Post by anne12 on Apr 24, 2019 11:57:13 GMT

Personal leadership:

When you give up something, the energy is turned towards yourself.
For example, if you give up standing Up for yourself, when your partner reprimands you.
You keep your reaction back. It can be constructive, so that you do not elaborate on the conflict. But it cannot stand alone. There must be a transformation of the anger.

Anger is a portion to say no thanks to what you do not want. A portion of energy to set your limits. Or to reach out for what you want.

If you put a lid on, the anger makes havoc inside you. If you turn your anger against yourself, it drains your life energy.

When there is something you want, something you want to achieve, there is ignition inside you.
It is an portion of energy to achieve your goal. The straight road is the natural road.
But you can bump into an obstacle. When we cast an obstacle, we are typically absorbed with that obstacle.
Ex. you become concerned that your partner is reprimanding you and having a hostile behavior or your boss gives the most interesting Work to your coworker.

It gets our focus away from the goal and we get annoyed. The energy loses direction and bends off.
We continue and meet another obstacle. You partner does not want to talk about your relationship/you cant reach your boss, because He is always in meetings. Our focus goes further away from the goal, we have become angry. The energy bends even more. We struggle against the obstacle instead of remembering what was our goal.
We get furious.
From here, the energy is bent so much that we are in a destructive field, the abandonment.

Another obstacle - your partner is very decisive/your boss gives you the boring work. We become Furious. Another obstacle - your boyfriend overrides yours and your children's wishes.
The hatred spreads, you want to kill. It's pure survival impulse.

Either you kill yourself - the feminine form. Or you kill others - the masculine form.
This is what happens inside you, when you are prevented from reaching your goal.
That's what happens when you give up!
You take a walk around the circle. If you do not turn off during the journey, you end up using the energy to beat yourself. Kill your life energy.

Many of us have learned this carousel ride since we were quite small. If you have taken the trip many times. Or perhaps your anger was condemned. Then you typically stop feeling angry. Then you just discover you've given up. Or that you have become tired and/or are sad without you having any immediate reason. This is when, on a split second, you have retired for resignation. The energy goes back inside you, where it keeps your life energy down. Without necessarily having to register your desire, your impulse and therefore not knowing what it is all about.

The essence is that you must maintain focus on your goal, what you have ignited on, your need. That you use the energy to get around, underneath, over the obstacles, or anything that gets you back to the course toward your goal.
If you have passed the limit of the constructive anger and gone into abandonment, you can come back by expressing the strong destructive forces: Hate, murderous,rage. Not by throwing it in the head of anyone. It's as destructive as throwing it in the head of yourself. Take your strength back to you and come back to your goal.

The personal leadership and when the nerveussystem brakes Apr 25, 2019 7:45:37 GMT via mobile

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Post by anne12 on Apr 25, 2019 7:45:37 GMT

An irl examble:
"Stop now!!!" shouts your boyfriend angrily into your ear. He looks angry at you and says: "Stop now. You're totally unbearable. Can't you just relax!"
He does this in front of your children. You are speachless and pretty choked about his hardness. That he puts you down in that way in front of others. You find it humiliating. Like if you're a kid. You find it hard to remain the adult at that moment. Everything stands still in an unpleasant way. There is complete silence. Your boyfriend has exploded, because you have been too busy doing everything well at the dinnertable.
You pull yourself into yourself with turbo hurry.
Otherwise you would have exploded back.
It was the first impulse.
However, you are aware that it will create more adversity. This impulse must be held back by violence and power.
"Let me get away" suddenly fills your entire inner universe. But it is not possible to escape on a vacation with your family. You cannot take your children under your arm and run away. Therefore, the old emotions blend in: abandonment and hopelessness.
After the meal you go alone to the sea and sit for a long time. You are completely silent and you hear the sea noise and feel its waves against your legs. It's soothing. Nature is the greatest gift. You want to go out into the sea and disappear. Get peace.
You rise slowly and relentlessly you return to your boyfriend and your children.

Collapse: You lose the joy and hope and all your energy. You try to loosen up by talking about the episode, but there are children around all the time. The rest of the vacation you walk around as a shadow of yourself and think about when you can go home.
If you have any ambivalent traits, you are not able to get out of your collapse on your own. You may be stuck. It is your encapsulated child who controls the reactions. As an ambivalent one, you think your unhappy feelings are because of your partner. You do not see, that you mix the past and present together.
When the communication slides, the old strategies can take over.
You will maybe become passive and withdrawn and your partner becomes dominant and decisive. Both are destructive in a relationship.

In the above examble you become like your father, passive. Your partner becomes like his father, dominant / controlling. You become passive as his mother. He becomes dominant / controlling as your mother.

There is basis for repeating the dynamics of your parent's relationship.
You need to change your old brain's experience, that your partner has become your enemy. That your old brain again can perceive him as a kind person. The old brain is primitive. It devides others into:

People you need to escape from
People you should attack
People who need care
People who can provide care
People you can create a family with
People who can force you into submission

Your partner in This examble ends up in "People who can force you to submit".

When the nervous system slows down:
During your partners outbursts of anger your inner brake will be xxxx. The energy level drops automatically. If the brake has come to the bottom, then you loose your ability to be social. You become paralyzed and energyless.
One half of the energy is used to slow down the other half. This is an unpleasant condition
Some people are in this state most of their lives, others live in it occasionally. It is about unsolved trauma when this mechanism is activated. It can be old unrecognized trauma far back from before having memories - for example, a birthtrauma, infirmity or early separation from the mother or father. Or newer trauma that one does not know can give this effect - ex. traffic accidents, losses, operations.

Only when you have come out of this state and are back in the adult state of being you can:

Recognize what is your responsibility and your needs
Recognize what is the responsibility and needs of the other
Let go of your expectations about how it should be in your opinion

In the example above, the woman first came back into her adult self, when she came back home in her own house and could land without her boyfriend's apparent radiance that she was pretty annoying and troublesome. (as her mother had signaled a lot of her upbringing).