Post by thebadguy on May 13, 2019 0:33:29 GMT
My ex and i have had a long relationship, almost two years. I was secure with hints of AP when we met, but his dismissiveness triggered my anxiety. I ended up going to therapy, taking medication, I got a lot better, but the constant fear of abandonment was still there. We broke up a couple of times but always found our way back to each other within a few days, no break up lasted more than 10 days.
Now, I have to be abroad for a professional situation and we were living together. This triggered my fears but I realized my anxiety was taking over me and i had to stay focused instead of letting my fear take the best of me. Unfortunately, he did not do this and broke up with me. He said he was not feeling the relationship anymore and that we should move on. We didn't talk for a couple of weeks, but then we got back in touch slowly. About a week ago he opened up and said he missed me and liked me, we had a long video conversation and joked and flirted. I knew it was too good and he'd shut down afterwards, which he did. He was distant at first, and I did not get clingy, I simply stayed in touch, but yesterday abruptly he told me we're not a couple anymore when I said I cared about him and then he just ignored me.
The thing is, I don't doubt he cares about me at all. I told him that in our long call. I know he misses me and cares and all of that, so why does he keep shutting me down? I know he's pushing me away subconsciously cause "feelings are bad" and "he doesn't need anyone" and all of that, but we know that's not true and i make him happy, I see his fear of attachment again, especially when I'm away from home right now. Is it bad if I just tell him that I can see what he's doing and he's not going to make me stop caring? I kind of want to be like "You can push me away all you want but I care about you too much and I won't stop. I won't invade your space and I will do whatever helps you feel safe and loved, just stop pushing me away and embrace your happiness"
Would that be too direct or affect things somehow? i just think it's irrational that he is so stubborn when he knows he cares too much.
Now, I have to be abroad for a professional situation and we were living together. This triggered my fears but I realized my anxiety was taking over me and i had to stay focused instead of letting my fear take the best of me. Unfortunately, he did not do this and broke up with me. He said he was not feeling the relationship anymore and that we should move on. We didn't talk for a couple of weeks, but then we got back in touch slowly. About a week ago he opened up and said he missed me and liked me, we had a long video conversation and joked and flirted. I knew it was too good and he'd shut down afterwards, which he did. He was distant at first, and I did not get clingy, I simply stayed in touch, but yesterday abruptly he told me we're not a couple anymore when I said I cared about him and then he just ignored me.
The thing is, I don't doubt he cares about me at all. I told him that in our long call. I know he misses me and cares and all of that, so why does he keep shutting me down? I know he's pushing me away subconsciously cause "feelings are bad" and "he doesn't need anyone" and all of that, but we know that's not true and i make him happy, I see his fear of attachment again, especially when I'm away from home right now. Is it bad if I just tell him that I can see what he's doing and he's not going to make me stop caring? I kind of want to be like "You can push me away all you want but I care about you too much and I won't stop. I won't invade your space and I will do whatever helps you feel safe and loved, just stop pushing me away and embrace your happiness"
Would that be too direct or affect things somehow? i just think it's irrational that he is so stubborn when he knows he cares too much.