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Post by Deleted on Jun 15, 2019 13:44:01 GMT
Personally for me. Im a universe believer and a man will be sent when the time is right. People come into our life for a reason, a season or a lifetime. Usually when you stop looking one will appear. Just like the FA that led me here, I grow so much because of him, he was sent to me to learn attachment and reflect on my life even more. Ive been so red pilled and thankful for it. No such thing in my mindset that I wont meet someone good in time. get rid of the mindset, vibe good energy and thoughts. Know you're awesome and your time will come.
This is my perspective, as well. It wasn't always but I turned a corner in the last year or so with my level of relationship security. I've done a lot of work on family of origin stuff, and uncovered the deep abandonment and betrayal experiences. I've also grieved things in life that deepened my wisdom and ability trust the larger picture. If he comes, he comes. If he doesn't, he doesn't. I have no fear, neither am I lonely. And I have been lonely- I have been discontent. I am content. But as to your question, how to prepare. Keep going, experience the processes, and don't wall yourself off. Always turn your attention to the present moment and what and who is before you. Read the thread in the general section on healing DA so you understand yourself better. It's just a great collection of info in one spot. Observe the men you encounter and make your decisions. It's ok. They are useful to you because they show you what you dont want and the many forms that can take. It's good to be aware of that. Develop your other relationships. That's a big one!
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Post by alexandra on Jun 15, 2019 14:12:08 GMT
How do you prepare yourselves psychologically for the possibility of never meeting the right one? I don't think of it as the one. I'm ready, so whoever is available and compatible that crosses my path next, I believe we'd just do the work mutually to make it work. I have no idea how long it will take, but I know I bring a lot to the table and statistically, it should eventually happen. And my life is full of other interests besides dating and other types of relationships, as much as I want a romantic partner. However, I have very real / realistic concerns that it won't happen in time to try to start a family in a more traditional way, and that has been psychologically much more difficult. What's very difficult as well is I don't want to waste the little time I have for kids but I also don't want to end up with the "wrong" person because I'm in a rush to start a family... so I still take my time trying to get to know someone without talking to them immediately about my kids timeline (a couple quick, do you want kids, questions to make sure it's not an obvious dealbreaker, but nothing about my limitations since we don't even know if we like each other yet). More because it's too much pressure on myself to start a new dating situation from a rushed and fearful point of view like that. If that wasn't a concern of mine, I wouldn't be worried about never finding a partner, but haven't managed to overcome the family building anxiety aspect.
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Post by glacier on Jun 15, 2019 20:37:25 GMT
No, it's not The Right One, but simply the right one, i.e., someone who is not wrong. I have no idea when and if I will stop meeting the wrong ones, but there have been so many that, J, who raised so many red flags with you, is about the nicest among those that I have met. I will spare you of the types worse than J that I've met. I am willing to compromise with J, which shows that I'm willing to get out of my comfort zone. It's just that instead of getting better as we progress with our interactions, he got worse.
Of course among those who are not physically attractive to me there might be a good man, but if I cannot bear the thought of touching this person it's not going to work. I even contacted yesterday a rather ugly man who wrote beautifully, trying to get out of my comfort zone, and he turned out to be a jerk.
It's worse being with the wrong one than being single. I reckon I just have to accept the very real possibility of remaining single, while not giving up hope altogether.
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Post by alexandra on Jun 15, 2019 21:21:50 GMT
No, it's not The Right One, but simply the right one, i.e., someone who is not wrong. I have no idea when and if I will stop meeting the wrong ones, but there have been so many that, J, who raised so many red flags with you, is about the nicest among those that I have met. I will spare you of the types worse than J that I've met. I am willing to compromise with J, which shows that I'm willing to get out of my comfort zone. It's just that instead of getting better as we progress with our interactions, he got worse. Of course among those who are not physically attractive to me there might be a good man, but if I cannot bear the thought of touching this person it's not going to work. I even contacted yesterday a rather ugly man who wrote beautifully, trying to get out of my comfort zone, and he turned out to be a jerk. It's worse being with the wrong one than being single. I reckon I just have to accept the very real possibility of remaining single, while not giving up hope altogether. I think it's about just feeling solid enough with yourself to be okay on your own (ie time single isn't time that's just "waiting" for a relationship, do things you're interested in that might be harder to do with extra responsibilities). Going on many bad dates or talking to incompatible guy after guy is really frustrating. Believe me, I know! But if you're feeling negative after a string of prospects going no where, take a mini break, then get back to it when you feel more available again. It's also not about starting up with someone you don't find attractive at all. It's more about giving a chance to someone you have some attraction for but maybe it isn't strong -- and if he's a solid guy and you're approaching it securely and it's going well, that seed of physical attraction should grow and grow as you get to know him. It's great to have physical attraction sparks, but if they're driven by attachment baggage being activated in your nervous system, that's the guys to step away from. But it doesn't mean you shouldn't feel anything when you first see or meet someone.. feeling repulsed isn't a good foundation
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Post by Deleted on Jun 15, 2019 23:09:59 GMT
No, it's not The Right One, but simply the right one, i.e., someone who is not wrong. I have no idea when and if I will stop meeting the wrong ones, but there have been so many that, J, who raised so many red flags with you, is about the nicest among those that I have met. I will spare you of the types worse than J that I've met. I am willing to compromise with J, which shows that I'm willing to get out of my comfort zone. It's just that instead of getting better as we progress with our interactions, he got worse. Of course among those who are not physically attractive to me there might be a good man, but if I cannot bear the thought of touching this person it's not going to work. I even contacted yesterday a rather ugly man who wrote beautifully, trying to get out of my comfort zone, and he turned out to be a jerk. It's worse being with the wrong one than being single. I reckon I just have to accept the very real possibility of remaining single, while not giving up hope altogether. Enjoy singlehood, remain open but not desperate. No need to relax your standards, you will know if you are edging out a potential partner by finding fault. That's on the other end of the spectrum from scraping the bottom of the barrel or reaching out to someone who actually repels you. Relax, know yourself, know what you actually LIKE. Look for attraction, in every sense. Indulge your optimism and get out and be social, meet new people with a receptive mind.
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Post by glacier on Jun 16, 2019 1:51:57 GMT
I do hope to have at least one child, so it isn't easy to tell myself to relax. I can adopt, I suppose, but I would like the experience of child birth. So it is my biological clock that is pushing me beyond my usual pace.
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Post by 8675309 on Jun 26, 2019 1:51:14 GMT
I do hope to have at least one child, so it isn't easy to tell myself to relax. I can adopt, I suppose, but I would like the experience of child birth. So it is my biological clock that is pushing me beyond my usual pace. I know not the best option as Im sure you'd like to be with someone but there is artificial insemination too.
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Post by anne12 on Jun 26, 2019 6:44:44 GMT
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Post by glacier on Jun 26, 2019 18:51:49 GMT
Thank you for the suggestion and tips. I'm not ready to be a single mom, it will be difficult to work and care for a new life at the sam etime. The baby deserves better!
anna12, these are great dating tips. Thank you. Hope to practise on the right date soon.
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