Explaining “leaning” as it relates to attachment theory

I have seen a few posts that have confused the definition of “leaning” and as such…I want to clarify it in this post.  Leaning simply means a preference and is only applicable for fearful avoidants.  Although all fearful avoidants display anxious and avoidant traits…there is typically a preference with regards to which insecures they are attracted to….some are attracted to APs or FAs who lean anxious while others have a preference for DAs or FAs who lean avoidant.  This preference can create scenarios where the partner confuses someone who has FA attachment with a avoidant leaning with someone who is DA.  It can also cause a person with FA attachment to believe he/she is either DA or AP.  In my case, I am an FA who leans anxious because I tend to exhibit anxious patterns of behavior and tend to chose partners with avoidant behaviors.  This is due to the familiarity of avoidant behavior as displayed by my mom and dad.  I suspect my mom is FA and displayed avoidant behaviors to me because I displayed strong anxious behaviors even as a baby.  

A secure person cannot lean insecure….an insecure person can grow and move towards secure…..but if the primary attraction is still an avoidant….then it is likely that person is still on the anxious spectrum.  Let me make this clear…there is nothing wrong with having an insecure attachment.  Wounding in childhood is not your fault and the behaviors and choices are just indications that more deep work is needed to heal whatever is still believeing the lie that another insecurely attached person is the answer.  I am proud of my journey towards awareness and the therapy works that has transformed my relationships with my mom and friends…but I will identify with an FA attachment and still acknowledge my attraction to men who have avoidant attachment issues…..the work in this area continues.