Post by alexandra on Dec 28, 2023 22:37:51 GMT
Have you discussed this with a therapist already but didn't like the advice? I think it is going to be tough to get a lot of answers here, because these issues go far beyond attachment styles. I shouldn't guess since I'm not an expert and can't diagnose, but if I was going to throw something out there, I'd think he may have borderline personality disorder comorbid with other issues (not sure of the full picture).
What's important here is you're not happy, it doesn't sound like you're getting the support you want or need for your baby, and you know that there's a lot wrong that you've tried to force to work anyway for the sake of trying to keep the family together. My recommendation is, if possible, to find a therapist to talk to who specializes in working with partners of people with personality disorders or similar issues, and really sit down with yourself to think about what you need for taking care of the baby and what will be best for the baby. Modeling an unhealthy romantic relationship for your kid, as well as having a father with volatile and constantly shifting emotions, is going to have a long term impact on that child. Trying to keep a relationship together because you feel bad for your partner and are afraid of triggering his abandonment issues is not enough reason to wait things out, while your own mental health suffers, and it all impacts your kid. So find a specialized therapist if you can, get advice from them about how to cope on your end, if there's any way to talk to him about getting the help he needs which would in turn get him into a better headspace to problem-solve together with you and improve the relationship (assuming he wants that and is willing to put in the effort) / possibly go to couples counseling, and figure out what your plan might be to get yourself enough help and support as a mother. And if all else fails, talk to the therapist about how you can come up with an adequate co-parenting plan. Good luck.
What's important here is you're not happy, it doesn't sound like you're getting the support you want or need for your baby, and you know that there's a lot wrong that you've tried to force to work anyway for the sake of trying to keep the family together. My recommendation is, if possible, to find a therapist to talk to who specializes in working with partners of people with personality disorders or similar issues, and really sit down with yourself to think about what you need for taking care of the baby and what will be best for the baby. Modeling an unhealthy romantic relationship for your kid, as well as having a father with volatile and constantly shifting emotions, is going to have a long term impact on that child. Trying to keep a relationship together because you feel bad for your partner and are afraid of triggering his abandonment issues is not enough reason to wait things out, while your own mental health suffers, and it all impacts your kid. So find a specialized therapist if you can, get advice from them about how to cope on your end, if there's any way to talk to him about getting the help he needs which would in turn get him into a better headspace to problem-solve together with you and improve the relationship (assuming he wants that and is willing to put in the effort) / possibly go to couples counseling, and figure out what your plan might be to get yourself enough help and support as a mother. And if all else fails, talk to the therapist about how you can come up with an adequate co-parenting plan. Good luck.
