Post by limerent on Jan 17, 2024 22:38:25 GMT
I see you.
You are as elusive
As you are seductive; you're
Impossible to resist but
Despite the ways that you insist
On your convictions, I have
Precision x-ray vision for these
Reductionist deductions of
Who you are and
What this is, but
I can keep a secret when I see it, so
I'll keep it between us but it is
Increasingly clear to me that
You are full of shit.
So go ahead and make your claims,
Play your games;
Pretend you're just another
Cookie-cutter
Dime-a-dozen ego maniac but
That shit doesn't track and
It doesn't take a brainiac to see the fact
That you
Are full of shit.
But you'll still use your
Faux-pretentious statements and these
Self-professed and oft-confessed
Ill-expressed, inaccurate
Assessments of this narcissistic
Self-serving self-investment but
I think you know you're full of shit.
But maybe it's not that complex and
Maybe you have simply let
Somebody else inside your head and
They rewrote your narrative and
They worked to convince you of it but
It looks to me like you have been
Affronted by your demons and you
Front like they had run away
Afraid of you, but
I think, in a way
They're there for you.
When your creature comforts come to
Comfort you they
Come to keep you company it's
The key to staying lonely it's
How you try to meet your own needs by
Denying that you have any 'cause
Keeping everyone at arm's length is
Just the best way not to need somebody.
Think it's partly entertainment and it's
To encourage disengagement because
You cannot stand the thought of
Even one more cold estrangement or
Yet another harsh rejection nor
Pre-emptive abandonment
Just to prevent
Yourself from subjugation and your
Maladaptive inclinations toward
Emotional avoidance to ignore your
Inward-facing degradation and
Dispropportionate self-hatred for
Giving up the parts of you that
You considered sacred.
You can present it like it's
Self-effacement but
You can't convince me of it 'cause I
See it on your face when you
Fall for me, you're terrified
In denial but still hoping I
Am falling for you, too.
Pretend you're only in this for a quick fix, you can
Say it's in the name of
Self-preservation for which you
Claim to hold no reservations but
You know I can see right through it and
I think you kind of hate it, but it's
Just because you know it, too, you're so
Full of shit your eyes are brown
Like the murky waters in your castle moat but you
Just won't let that drawbridge down and
That's alright, babygirl
Take your time, because
You might not believe it yet, but
We've both got plenty of it.
And you can act aloof but
Just 'cause I'm a fool for you
Does not mean I am fooled by you, and
I think your trickery is more for you than
Anybody else because
I think to some extent you
Actually see yourself as this
Heartless and unfeeling
Emotionless and empty wretch in this
Imagery that you project but it's
Just because you
Do not understand it.
So even if I'm right and it's
Only to protect yourself you
Still deserve to learn yourself because
If you do not know yourself then
How else can you nourish health?
And I can see that you've
Been practicing in
Dancing with the truth and
I'm so fucking proud of you 'cause
There's no better place to start for
Being who you really are and
Loving yourself, too.
And maybe I'm just seeking confirmation bias but I
Really think I see it when I
Read between the lines, that
You'll let me show up for you and
You'll show up for me, too.
And maybe I am blinded by
Radical acceptance or
My pious desire for
Whatever this is, but
It seems to me that
You cannot obscure the sound
Because when you try to push it down
It just grows ever louder and
You cannot dig as deeply as you need to
In order to bury this and
So you're wary of it 'cause
You'd rather it stay quiet, it's
Your very own Tell-Tale Heart.
And you don't want to condone it but you
Also cannot own it, so it
Just grows louder, ever faster
As you let it fester
Right beneath the floorboards and you
Cannot keep it silent.
Turn the volume up to drown it out;
Try to hide it but we both see how
You're nervous now, that's why you
Pull away and push it down but you
Cannot disavow this and
Still you're hoping to discount it.
Can't quite put your finger on it so you
Fall for your own web of bullshit because
You don't want to want it and
I think your real fear is enmeshment but
That one's really not my business, so
If you truly must..
You can continue to dismiss this and
You're entitled to remiss us, even
Trivialize us if you wish it and
Find flaws where you see fit, but
Refusal to admit things
Cannot spin denial into honesty and
It still counts as mistruth over modesty; even when
The recipient is you and
The liar is, too.
But the truth is, I
Make you feel wanted and
You've let yourself feel valued but
Letting someone love you is
The hardest part to do for you, so
You're hesitant to stay but you
Don't want to just walk away and it's
Back and forth, we'll slowly sway
Until you see that it's okay and
Understand that you are safe because
I am here to catch you and
I will choose you every day even
During those times you're so inclined
To perceive a threat and run away.
Deny and downplay if you must but it's
Your own instinct you can't trust because
Baby, I am wanderlust and
My love, you are adventure.
And as I wander toward you I
Approach this perilous precipice where I've
Built this treacherous edifice
Right at the very edge of it, 'cause
I cannot ignore this bliss
Nor downplay how well it fits or
Even just the way it sits so
Immaculate between the two of us because
[name, ending in -ah], I
Hate to break it to ya, but
You
Are my weakness.
And when I crave you, I am heedless but
I remain aware of this.
Even still, if I
Could have my cake and eat it, too
I would have you intravenous just
So I could overdose on you.
I would taste you
In my bloodstream because
You're the only woman in my dreams and it's
Because your flavor is prestigious and
Because your comeup is the sweetest, I
Could peak on you all weekend and still
Not regret it for a second because I
Am stricken lifeless by your voice, but
That's beside the point when
Not even your comedown
Can put me out 'cause
It's peaceful to me how
Without you I'm not incomplete, I'm
Just complete away from you.
And I must admit that
While it is unfortunate, it's
Away from you where these
Cravings for you slowly creep and
Sometimes they'll plant evil seeds
Of self-defeat and
Déjà vu of your
Allegedly inevitable retreat, but
Still everything I choose
To believe I can see in you
Somehow always manages
To soothe my damaged passages and this
Compassion for you just wraps bandages
Around my roughest edges as this
Maze of anxious hazes gradually vanishes
Until I find my center once again;
With
Or without you.
And I have found myself entirely mused with
How there is so much left to value in
What I stand to learn from you or
The wealth of things to know about you and
How ethereal it really feels
Just to be without you so I can
Fall into you that much deeper when I
Eventually get back to you and I
Love the way I have to
Show up for myself if I
Hope to show up for you, too, I'm
Already a better person and
In part, it's because of you.
Babygirl, I
Am a wayfinder
And you
Are are a map of the stars and
I know I could do anything alone even
Under this cloud cover I could
Do any of it on my own, but
I like together so much better, because
If we ever get there I think
We could take this anywhere and
I think we can weave these fleeting hours
Into a loose routine that's
Something truly ours without
Forgetting who we are or
Dimming light in our own towers.
So if you're terrified, my dear,
Don't run away.
And if you're scared, sweet girl,
Do it afraid.
Because, baby, I am fearful, too but
I don't think I mind
Being fearful here with you.
_____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
I understand I will likely get dragged for how fucked up this was of me to write, so please, if that's gonna be your angle; just be nice about it. I'm sensitive : (
-Feedback on how an FA might respond to being the subject of this poem is appreciated.
-Questions regarding the meaning of certain things would be appreciated, too, especially before giving feedback. This is intended to be a multi-faceted and layered, referring on the surface as denial of the specific romantic interest, but serving as double entendre in reference to the desire for connection/need for intimacy/fear of both as a whole. There are also multiple inside jokes/references throughout.
-Literary critique is also welcome.
You are as elusive
As you are seductive; you're
Impossible to resist but
Despite the ways that you insist
On your convictions, I have
Precision x-ray vision for these
Reductionist deductions of
Who you are and
What this is, but
I can keep a secret when I see it, so
I'll keep it between us but it is
Increasingly clear to me that
You are full of shit.
So go ahead and make your claims,
Play your games;
Pretend you're just another
Cookie-cutter
Dime-a-dozen ego maniac but
That shit doesn't track and
It doesn't take a brainiac to see the fact
That you
Are full of shit.
But you'll still use your
Faux-pretentious statements and these
Self-professed and oft-confessed
Ill-expressed, inaccurate
Assessments of this narcissistic
Self-serving self-investment but
I think you know you're full of shit.
But maybe it's not that complex and
Maybe you have simply let
Somebody else inside your head and
They rewrote your narrative and
They worked to convince you of it but
It looks to me like you have been
Affronted by your demons and you
Front like they had run away
Afraid of you, but
I think, in a way
They're there for you.
When your creature comforts come to
Comfort you they
Come to keep you company it's
The key to staying lonely it's
How you try to meet your own needs by
Denying that you have any 'cause
Keeping everyone at arm's length is
Just the best way not to need somebody.
Think it's partly entertainment and it's
To encourage disengagement because
You cannot stand the thought of
Even one more cold estrangement or
Yet another harsh rejection nor
Pre-emptive abandonment
Just to prevent
Yourself from subjugation and your
Maladaptive inclinations toward
Emotional avoidance to ignore your
Inward-facing degradation and
Dispropportionate self-hatred for
Giving up the parts of you that
You considered sacred.
You can present it like it's
Self-effacement but
You can't convince me of it 'cause I
See it on your face when you
Fall for me, you're terrified
In denial but still hoping I
Am falling for you, too.
Pretend you're only in this for a quick fix, you can
Say it's in the name of
Self-preservation for which you
Claim to hold no reservations but
You know I can see right through it and
I think you kind of hate it, but it's
Just because you know it, too, you're so
Full of shit your eyes are brown
Like the murky waters in your castle moat but you
Just won't let that drawbridge down and
That's alright, babygirl
Take your time, because
You might not believe it yet, but
We've both got plenty of it.
And you can act aloof but
Just 'cause I'm a fool for you
Does not mean I am fooled by you, and
I think your trickery is more for you than
Anybody else because
I think to some extent you
Actually see yourself as this
Heartless and unfeeling
Emotionless and empty wretch in this
Imagery that you project but it's
Just because you
Do not understand it.
So even if I'm right and it's
Only to protect yourself you
Still deserve to learn yourself because
If you do not know yourself then
How else can you nourish health?
And I can see that you've
Been practicing in
Dancing with the truth and
I'm so fucking proud of you 'cause
There's no better place to start for
Being who you really are and
Loving yourself, too.
And maybe I'm just seeking confirmation bias but I
Really think I see it when I
Read between the lines, that
You'll let me show up for you and
You'll show up for me, too.
And maybe I am blinded by
Radical acceptance or
My pious desire for
Whatever this is, but
It seems to me that
You cannot obscure the sound
Because when you try to push it down
It just grows ever louder and
You cannot dig as deeply as you need to
In order to bury this and
So you're wary of it 'cause
You'd rather it stay quiet, it's
Your very own Tell-Tale Heart.
And you don't want to condone it but you
Also cannot own it, so it
Just grows louder, ever faster
As you let it fester
Right beneath the floorboards and you
Cannot keep it silent.
Turn the volume up to drown it out;
Try to hide it but we both see how
You're nervous now, that's why you
Pull away and push it down but you
Cannot disavow this and
Still you're hoping to discount it.
Can't quite put your finger on it so you
Fall for your own web of bullshit because
You don't want to want it and
I think your real fear is enmeshment but
That one's really not my business, so
If you truly must..
You can continue to dismiss this and
You're entitled to remiss us, even
Trivialize us if you wish it and
Find flaws where you see fit, but
Refusal to admit things
Cannot spin denial into honesty and
It still counts as mistruth over modesty; even when
The recipient is you and
The liar is, too.
But the truth is, I
Make you feel wanted and
You've let yourself feel valued but
Letting someone love you is
The hardest part to do for you, so
You're hesitant to stay but you
Don't want to just walk away and it's
Back and forth, we'll slowly sway
Until you see that it's okay and
Understand that you are safe because
I am here to catch you and
I will choose you every day even
During those times you're so inclined
To perceive a threat and run away.
Deny and downplay if you must but it's
Your own instinct you can't trust because
Baby, I am wanderlust and
My love, you are adventure.
And as I wander toward you I
Approach this perilous precipice where I've
Built this treacherous edifice
Right at the very edge of it, 'cause
I cannot ignore this bliss
Nor downplay how well it fits or
Even just the way it sits so
Immaculate between the two of us because
[name, ending in -ah], I
Hate to break it to ya, but
You
Are my weakness.
And when I crave you, I am heedless but
I remain aware of this.
Even still, if I
Could have my cake and eat it, too
I would have you intravenous just
So I could overdose on you.
I would taste you
In my bloodstream because
You're the only woman in my dreams and it's
Because your flavor is prestigious and
Because your comeup is the sweetest, I
Could peak on you all weekend and still
Not regret it for a second because I
Am stricken lifeless by your voice, but
That's beside the point when
Not even your comedown
Can put me out 'cause
It's peaceful to me how
Without you I'm not incomplete, I'm
Just complete away from you.
And I must admit that
While it is unfortunate, it's
Away from you where these
Cravings for you slowly creep and
Sometimes they'll plant evil seeds
Of self-defeat and
Déjà vu of your
Allegedly inevitable retreat, but
Still everything I choose
To believe I can see in you
Somehow always manages
To soothe my damaged passages and this
Compassion for you just wraps bandages
Around my roughest edges as this
Maze of anxious hazes gradually vanishes
Until I find my center once again;
With
Or without you.
And I have found myself entirely mused with
How there is so much left to value in
What I stand to learn from you or
The wealth of things to know about you and
How ethereal it really feels
Just to be without you so I can
Fall into you that much deeper when I
Eventually get back to you and I
Love the way I have to
Show up for myself if I
Hope to show up for you, too, I'm
Already a better person and
In part, it's because of you.
Babygirl, I
Am a wayfinder
And you
Are are a map of the stars and
I know I could do anything alone even
Under this cloud cover I could
Do any of it on my own, but
I like together so much better, because
If we ever get there I think
We could take this anywhere and
I think we can weave these fleeting hours
Into a loose routine that's
Something truly ours without
Forgetting who we are or
Dimming light in our own towers.
So if you're terrified, my dear,
Don't run away.
And if you're scared, sweet girl,
Do it afraid.
Because, baby, I am fearful, too but
I don't think I mind
Being fearful here with you.
_____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
I understand I will likely get dragged for how fucked up this was of me to write, so please, if that's gonna be your angle; just be nice about it. I'm sensitive : (
-Feedback on how an FA might respond to being the subject of this poem is appreciated.
-Questions regarding the meaning of certain things would be appreciated, too, especially before giving feedback. This is intended to be a multi-faceted and layered, referring on the surface as denial of the specific romantic interest, but serving as double entendre in reference to the desire for connection/need for intimacy/fear of both as a whole. There are also multiple inside jokes/references throughout.
-Literary critique is also welcome.
