What is the attraction of an AP to a DA.

I briefly began to see someone who was AP.  I can't take it.  It makes me anxious/feel angry inside.  The amount of contact required makes resentful.  The amount of verbal reassurance makes me feel very uncomfortable, almost disgusted.  I know that there is someone for everyone, so I broke it off with that person very quickly because that someone for AP is definitely not me  . 

I am very interested in hearing how these two could ever be in a relationship.  

For me as a DA (I say with a pinch of FA, just because I will strongly consider breaking up at the slightest negative feeling, cold turkey NC), I have an uncomfortable physiological reaction to APs as friends and especially as romantic partners.  I just can't do it. 

I don't pick people based on attachment type - that's not even possible - it's not like we walk around with "I will ghost you for 3 days a time" or "I will triple text and then call" on our shirts. Like you said, you wouldn't know their attachment style until you get to know them.

I 'pick' people based on the same things you all do: how I feel when I'm with them, If I feel like we're compatible, if we have the same goals in life, if they are genuinely good people, are they intelligent, do I like the way they look, can we talk, if we get along etc. etc. etc.

To answer the question of who I get involved with, mostly I don't.

I can't handle an AP.  It doesn't take long to feel them out as they quickly need more from me than I am willing to give.

I've been with a Secure attacher and found out I am a disaster for them.  In fact, HE is why/how I realized I needed to make a change.

An FA just probably wouldn't happen. They would likely break up w me because I'm not around too much/have no passion & I would let them. 

I am currently 'not with' another DA.  It is great to not worry about much.  I don't have to text too much, he never pressures me.  I love him. and have told him so.  He doesn't respond, but I don't worry if he loves me.  I know he does and I don't need him to say it.  I'm sure he feels uncomfortable when I tell him I love him.  As I grow as a DA and move towards Secure, I require things of him.  But, as a former DA, I am able to articulate this in a pretty low-pressure way.  I still get scared. It's a learning process.  For example, I am slightly FA too.  So when my feelings are hurt because he is a DA and responds in some weird, non-response way, my first instinct is to just cut off all contact and never speak to him again.  We've been 'friends' for over a year now. it is only just this month that I realized, when I feel like that, I need to spend a few days thinking about WHY I am hurt, and what needs are not being met, and exactly how he can meet them.  Then I make my request very plainly "I would like to ... (action)...(at what frequency)."  Period.  No "Why don't you?" No "Can you do that/is that okay?"   Just "this is how it is." 

He is aware he is DA (just also found this out this month). I am aware I am DA.  BUT I am actively trying to change the way I connect with people.  I told him, that I will not accept 'part' of him if we were to get into 'a real relationship.'  But I also don't pressure him to get into a real relationship.  As it is now, we are just two people who choose to relate to each other on a regular basis and for an extended period.  

I did not take offense..   I have suspected for a while that the texting/email/phone call frequency would be a major point of contention.  I tried very hard to keep that to a minimum...a ping for every pong....but silence triggers me....my attachment system goes off and escalating alarm bells prompting me that there is something wrong that must be addressed do not turn off until I hear from my partner.  It is a very interesting dynamic.  

I would love to ask more...but I am noticing myself going into "I failed him" mode and I need to step back from this because if I keep going...I will just go deeper down a rabbit trail that is really not helpful.  To understand this better....it seems my unspoken agreement has been "I am responsible for you...for your behaviors, for your happiness etc....and that just makes me extra hard on myself.....but the reverse then is...you are responsible for me...to help me overcome my anxiety, to make me feel ok, to turn the attachment system off for a while...I tried not to make him responsible...but I know he must have felt that as pressure and that makes me sad...because I would never do anything to intentionally hurt the man that I love very much."

Madamebovary,
I think one of the problems for DAs (some as some other people) is that they are shit in communicating. They are also often confused and conflicted. Not aware of their own actions and how they can be perceived.
I am a very honest and direct person...told me DA before we started what I want from a relationship. And he went out with me anyway! When some of my anxiety set in, I gave him very simple tricks to calm me down, non of which he did. We would end up having the same conversations over and over. Sometimes he would lie to me....though in my eyes i think he just panicked and made crap excuses....just that I knew they were lies. Which was very hurtful. I have a better understanding of it now and know not to take all he sais face value. Also I know not all I say really sinks in for him. But I feel we are getting better in a way as time goes by. I think you learn to read between the lines...once you learn not to go into AP overdrive all the time

Omg, it’s exactly the same with mine!! I asked him and he said “you know I don’t talk much”. /rolleyes. When I did the same (distancing), he told me “you should just say that you’re upset”. I wanted to laugh at the irony of it all, but had to keep a poker face to keep peace.