Post by Deleted on Jan 12, 2018 21:51:03 GMT
After dating my DA, an old school friend, for just a month, after a really amazing last date where he stayed over, we'd just slept together for the second date in a row, and he left and told me he would need a little time to "figure some stuff out" but it all seemed positive and I knew he was avoidant and just appreciated him telling me he needed space. He kissed me goodbye and I felt fine with it. He's lovebombed me hard up to this point, that I'm the best girl he's ever met, that he's never had connection like this, and that his main goal for the coming year is to focus on growing intimacy...
He rang me up a few days later, and basically asked why I hadn't made the effort with him... I reminded him that he asked for space, and then he said that he probably did give off that vibe, and that it was just anxiety. Then he got funny with me again saying that he didn't want to have to be the only "driving force" between me and him (I'd been mirroring his low investment) and so I offered to come down to see him and plan our next date... everything seemed super positive, and he told me that he didn't just want sex and that he wanted us to be more than that.
Then radio silence for a night. He then messages me the longest message ever sent since we met detailing about how he can't see me the next day like we'd planned, because he has too much to do with his studies and and that he doesn't think he could ever be what I wanted or meet my relationship needs and - get this - that he feels like he's "a number one" or whatever who knows he's meant to do something really big with his life... I'm like whaaat... so then I say "okay that's fine" and he asks if that's unfair... I say "it's just how you feel, and that's fine" he then asks what I want? He calls me up later and starts explaining how he just doesn't want a girlfriend, and that he thinks I'm getting more out of this than him, and that he doesn't know if he gave it long enough to know if we could be longterm, and that he just can't do it "right now" but that he'd still be "around" and that he isn't going anywhere, whatever that means, and said "it's not like i'm moving to Australia for two years" (forgetting that I know that reference - that's what his ex did). I say to him that it sounds like he wants me... just not right now... and he says yes. I got really angry and got off the phone. I told him I deserved better and he started blaming loads of things about me, as if all of a sudden I was just full of faults he'd never mentioned before.
I decided to go NC with him and then a couple of weeks later we spoke again, and he said how he loved our connection and has never connected with anyone like that, even on a friend level... but that what really bothered him is that we slept together too fast (we'd been talking every day for hours on the phone for 3 weeks before we slept together, and slept together on the third date... I mean... what?!) and then rang me and was almost pressing the reset button, claiming that he really did like me still and that I hadn't done anything wrong and that he was just so anxious about his work, acting as he always did before things got weird... I asked him what the most important thing he'd learned from 2017 was... he said "that I don't give a shit about people"
I broke things off the next day and said I couldn't get close to him again, and he asked if it was because he sounded tired on the phone.
What.... I'm still a bit sad about it. I really liked this guy, but what a brain fuck. He did warn me that he's "bad at this". What even happened here... I'm so confused.
He rang me up a few days later, and basically asked why I hadn't made the effort with him... I reminded him that he asked for space, and then he said that he probably did give off that vibe, and that it was just anxiety. Then he got funny with me again saying that he didn't want to have to be the only "driving force" between me and him (I'd been mirroring his low investment) and so I offered to come down to see him and plan our next date... everything seemed super positive, and he told me that he didn't just want sex and that he wanted us to be more than that.
Then radio silence for a night. He then messages me the longest message ever sent since we met detailing about how he can't see me the next day like we'd planned, because he has too much to do with his studies and and that he doesn't think he could ever be what I wanted or meet my relationship needs and - get this - that he feels like he's "a number one" or whatever who knows he's meant to do something really big with his life... I'm like whaaat... so then I say "okay that's fine" and he asks if that's unfair... I say "it's just how you feel, and that's fine" he then asks what I want? He calls me up later and starts explaining how he just doesn't want a girlfriend, and that he thinks I'm getting more out of this than him, and that he doesn't know if he gave it long enough to know if we could be longterm, and that he just can't do it "right now" but that he'd still be "around" and that he isn't going anywhere, whatever that means, and said "it's not like i'm moving to Australia for two years" (forgetting that I know that reference - that's what his ex did). I say to him that it sounds like he wants me... just not right now... and he says yes. I got really angry and got off the phone. I told him I deserved better and he started blaming loads of things about me, as if all of a sudden I was just full of faults he'd never mentioned before.
I decided to go NC with him and then a couple of weeks later we spoke again, and he said how he loved our connection and has never connected with anyone like that, even on a friend level... but that what really bothered him is that we slept together too fast (we'd been talking every day for hours on the phone for 3 weeks before we slept together, and slept together on the third date... I mean... what?!) and then rang me and was almost pressing the reset button, claiming that he really did like me still and that I hadn't done anything wrong and that he was just so anxious about his work, acting as he always did before things got weird... I asked him what the most important thing he'd learned from 2017 was... he said "that I don't give a shit about people"
I broke things off the next day and said I couldn't get close to him again, and he asked if it was because he sounded tired on the phone.
What.... I'm still a bit sad about it. I really liked this guy, but what a brain fuck. He did warn me that he's "bad at this". What even happened here... I'm so confused.
