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Post by abolish on Jan 17, 2018 18:39:38 GMT
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Post by ocarina on Jan 17, 2018 19:06:42 GMT
Hi Abolish - yes repeatedly. I think in order to do so he needed to feel that it was safe - that I wasn't angry. Whilst he never broke up with me, it was always me reaching the end of my tether and cutting the cord or asking him to do something different which caused him to retreat completely, strangely his lack of ability and willingness to discuss the issue meant that he completely cut off all communication, sometimes for months so it felt like I had been left. But each time after I got on with life, he would be back wanting something - I am never really sure what. I suppose wanting me on his own terms. Again.
Don't suppress your needs because you fear him cutting you off - there needs to be some kind of middle way in a relationship for it to work. I you are able to express yourself reasonably and calmly and he can't take this and runs, he's not worth chasing.
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Post by yasmin on Jan 17, 2018 19:11:54 GMT
In my case, Yes, always. He won't really leave me alone at all and gets really anxious and upset in my absence. Then again he is FA
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Post by tnr9 on Jan 17, 2018 19:17:41 GMT
The only one who kept coming back was my ex Narc. I admit to wishing my latest ex would come back...but it seems he has moved me firmly into friendship zone.  |
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Post by david21 on Jan 17, 2018 19:34:47 GMT
Hi Abolish - yes repeatedly. I think in order to do so he needed to feel that it was safe - that I wasn't angry. Whilst he never broke up with me, it was always me reaching the end of my tether and cutting the cord or asking him to do something different which caused him to retreat completely, strangely his lack of ability and willingness to discuss the issue meant that he completely cut off all communication, sometimes for months so it felt like I had been left. But each time after I got on with life, he would be back wanting something - I am never really sure what. I suppose wanting me on his own terms. Again. Don't suppress your needs because you fear him cutting you off - there needs to be some kind of middle way in a relationship for it to work. I you are able to express yourself reasonably and calmly and he can't take this and runs, he's not worth chasing. So bizarre to me. In my case, no. I never heard a word from her again. Furthermore, she also declined my offer to remain friends. |
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Post by abolish on Jan 17, 2018 19:41:03 GMT
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Post by tnr9 on Jan 17, 2018 20:00:56 GMT
The only one who kept coming back was my ex Narc. I admit to wishing my latest ex would come back...but it seems he has moved me firmly into friendship zone. Do you keep contact with him (the friendship zone?)? It's what I've been struggling with, he refuses to have a relationship, but he's been acting as if I were his girlfriend, suggesting he loves me but then turning it around, we are "just friends". Leaving me feeling guilty for acting out, so I'd always pull him in and he always came back. I value him but I'm unable to provide him what he wants as a friend. At the same time, I'm hoping he'll be back. It seems he wiped me out this time. The last time I heard from him was late December. It also seems similar. Many time when I wanted him to tell me were I stand or informed him I'm uncomfortable with not knowing and he always retreated. He never was able to say much, he never had any arguments, if he had any, they were laughable- especially because they were coming from a very intelligent and educated man who is up to discuss anything. Anything but this. After that he was gone, until I pulled him back in. There have been occational texts/emails...many of which were initiated by me. I saw him one time in November and we acted like we did when we were in the relationship (we cuddled, watched TV). He later apologized and said he meant to navigate back to friendship but "caved" pretty early stating we had a very comfortable relationship. He just came back to the singles group I met him at, but he left early for a game. I don't think he has ever circled back with an ex. He just moves forward and keeps the ones he cares about as friends. |
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Post by bedlam71 on Jan 20, 2018 17:32:28 GMT
In my case, Yes, always. He won't really leave me alone at all and gets really anxious and upset in my absence. Then again he is FA Yasmin.. what's the longest your FA has gone without contacting you? |
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Post by yasmin on Jan 20, 2018 19:34:56 GMT
It's gotten consistently smaller. The first time it was 4 months, second time was a month, third time two weeks, then it got down to a day or two. Every time I just let him go and then he stopped doing it. It was like taming a cat!
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