Separate togetherness: Does your DA compartmentalize you?
Jan 19, 2018 15:33:12 GMT
stavs and bedlam71 like this
Post by summer on Jan 19, 2018 15:33:12 GMT
Over the time months I've been with my DA, I've been realizing that the kind of relationship he wants is what I would call "separate togetherness."
This means that I am compartmentalized from the rest of his life, and he doesn't like when I ask him about how he spends his time when we're not together. It's like there is a thick boundary separating me from the rest of his life, and if I ask any but the most superficial questions, then I am overstepping my bounds and he becomes cold and distant in order to shut me out.
Being that we are in a serious relationship, not just dating, this sort of treatment is very off-putting, to say the least. I've had to realize that it's how he maintains the feeling of total independence and autonomy from me. But from where I sit, not having the freedom to ask my partner about his life, his job, his friends, his hobbies, etc., is kind of awful. Being told that I am grilling him because I ask what he's up been to, or whether he went out the night before, or how his sports practice was... this is just bizarre. I mean... if I'm not allowed to ask about his life, and what he does when I'm not with him, then what the hell are we supposed to talk about? Sharing your life with someone is what being in a serious relationship is all about.
I've never been with someone so intensely private and guarded. I was wondering about DAs and compartmentalizing... does your DA want a "separate togetherness" style of relationship, where you have totally separate lives and you aren't even supposed to ask or show any curiosity about their "other" life away from you? If you are a DA, do you prefer this kind of relationship?
This means that I am compartmentalized from the rest of his life, and he doesn't like when I ask him about how he spends his time when we're not together. It's like there is a thick boundary separating me from the rest of his life, and if I ask any but the most superficial questions, then I am overstepping my bounds and he becomes cold and distant in order to shut me out.
Being that we are in a serious relationship, not just dating, this sort of treatment is very off-putting, to say the least. I've had to realize that it's how he maintains the feeling of total independence and autonomy from me. But from where I sit, not having the freedom to ask my partner about his life, his job, his friends, his hobbies, etc., is kind of awful. Being told that I am grilling him because I ask what he's up been to, or whether he went out the night before, or how his sports practice was... this is just bizarre. I mean... if I'm not allowed to ask about his life, and what he does when I'm not with him, then what the hell are we supposed to talk about? Sharing your life with someone is what being in a serious relationship is all about.
I've never been with someone so intensely private and guarded. I was wondering about DAs and compartmentalizing... does your DA want a "separate togetherness" style of relationship, where you have totally separate lives and you aren't even supposed to ask or show any curiosity about their "other" life away from you? If you are a DA, do you prefer this kind of relationship?
