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Post by Jaeger on Jan 22, 2018 0:05:18 GMT
A lot of the points made in this article, I see on a daily basis, particularly on this board. Hoping it will help some people find themselves and happiness after the emotional rollercoasters they tend to go through, I will post it here: theanatomyoflove.com/conclusions/addicted-to-love/Some insight: "Perhaps most important, rejected lovers should remove all reasonable evidence of their abandoning sweetheart, such as cards, letters, songs, photos and memorabilia, as well as avoid contact with their rejecting partner, because reminders and partner contact can act as cues that induce craving and are likely to sustain the activity of brain circuits associated with romantic passion and thus retard the healing process. Self –expansion research also finds that positive outcomes such as personal growth and positive emotions are possible (even likely) following a break-up if the relationship had offered few self-expanding opportunities and if the newly single person engages in rediscovery of the self." |
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Post by tnr9 on Jan 22, 2018 10:50:05 GMT
I read the article and it was good...I admit I did...and still do at times, think of my feelings for my ex as some kind of very long and drawn out withdrawal. There is a visceral "craving" that compels me to seek after any breadcrumb of "hope" and when I do get a "fix" (text message, like on FB, etc.) I will try to milk it for as long as I can. I still have all his text messages, emails and even a few voice messages...I am not yet able to delete them.
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Post by Jaeger on Jan 22, 2018 15:17:21 GMT
I read the article and it was good...I admit I did...and still do at times, think of my feelings for my ex as some kind of very long and drawn out withdrawal. There is a visceral "craving" that compels me to seek after any breadcrumb of "hope" and when I do get a "fix" (text message, like on FB, etc.) I will try to milk it for as long as I can. I still have all his text messages, emails and even a few voice messages...I am not yet able to delete them. Sorry if this sounds harsh, but I don't agree that you aren't 'able to delete them'. Select all messages > delete > confirm. Downplaying an ability to make a decision is an out to keep postponing it. That said, I understand that there is a lit of feeling and hope involved in this decision. On the other hand, it keeps you from actually moving on. so is it a lack of ability? I think you are, in fact, making a conscious choice not to. The question then is what leads you to that decision. This likely has to do with what deleting all of his messages would signify to you. Answering that one will lead to the root of your reticence to do so. |
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Post by tnr9 on Jan 22, 2018 16:03:50 GMT
I read the article and it was good...I admit I did...and still do at times, think of my feelings for my ex as some kind of very long and drawn out withdrawal. There is a visceral "craving" that compels me to seek after any breadcrumb of "hope" and when I do get a "fix" (text message, like on FB, etc.) I will try to milk it for as long as I can. I still have all his text messages, emails and even a few voice messages...I am not yet able to delete them. Sorry if this sounds harsh, but I don't agree that you aren't 'able to delete them'. Select all messages > delete > confirm. Downplaying an ability to make a decision is an out to keep postponing it. That said, I understand that there is a lit of feeling and hope involved in this decision. On the other hand, it keeps you from actually moving on. so is it a lack of ability? I think you are, in fact, making a conscious choice not to. The question then is what leads you to that decision. This likely has to do with what deleting all of his messages would signify to you. Answering that one will lead to the root of your reticence to do so. I did not mean that I was physically unable to remove them...i guess I should have said that I am choosing to hold onto them right now. Lack of sleep will impact word choices. But I get where you are coming from. |
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Post by Jaeger on Jan 22, 2018 16:06:43 GMT
Sorry if this sounds harsh, but I don't agree that you aren't 'able to delete them'. Select all messages > delete > confirm. Downplaying an ability to make a decision is an out to keep postponing it. That said, I understand that there is a lit of feeling and hope involved in this decision. On the other hand, it keeps you from actually moving on. so is it a lack of ability? I think you are, in fact, making a conscious choice not to. The question then is what leads you to that decision. This likely has to do with what deleting all of his messages would signify to you. Answering that one will lead to the root of your reticence to do so. I did not mean that I was physically unable to remove them...i guess I should have said that I am choosing to hold onto them right now. Lack of sleep will impact word choices. But I get where you are coming from. I got that  . I suppose my point comes down to the fact that our words and thoughts shape our reality. Therefore it's wise to take care in picking them and choosing which thoughts to follow. |
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Post by tnr9 on Jan 22, 2018 16:43:07 GMT
Ok...how about this then...I am able to let go of/release all emails, photos, messages, voice mails at any time that I choose. These items have no power over me or my ability to move forward. I am currently choosing to hold on to said items out of respect and care for the parts of me that would like to keep them for now.
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. I suppose my point comes down to the fact that our words and thoughts shape our reality. Therefore it's wise to take care in picking them and choosing which thoughts to follow.