Post by Deleted on Jan 27, 2018 4:45:47 GMT
and scheme, my feelings run deep and tender for my partner but that’s after a lot of healing.
Prior to the recovery i have had i would say my romantic relationships were more of an arrangement, only because i was so disconnected from my feelings from years of trauma forcing me to abandon them because they were deemed faulty, false, and irrelevant in my family of origin. I really didn’t believe in love, at least not for me.
I just tried to be a very dutiful and functional partner. I tried to be a very good person with value but i didn’t know i could be loved. it seemed unreachable and just not a normal part of my reality and i accepted that.
It makes me sad to know this. I was so shut down.
But my feelings of love, appreciation, and cherishing are the basis for my relationships now. the independent and solitude loving aspects of my nature are important to me and I find ways (and a right partner) to find a balance. But under big stress i fall down and isolate.
The things I have shared in the thread with Kristyrose over in the AP support forum are painful but precious to me because i now know what it feels like to open to love and its wonderful and scary but i love it.
I value intimacy, and i seek it. and i love independence and solitude as well. so it takes careful choice to find the right partner that can work with me and grow with me and i am refining that.
Prior to the recovery i have had i would say my romantic relationships were more of an arrangement, only because i was so disconnected from my feelings from years of trauma forcing me to abandon them because they were deemed faulty, false, and irrelevant in my family of origin. I really didn’t believe in love, at least not for me.
I just tried to be a very dutiful and functional partner. I tried to be a very good person with value but i didn’t know i could be loved. it seemed unreachable and just not a normal part of my reality and i accepted that.
It makes me sad to know this. I was so shut down.
But my feelings of love, appreciation, and cherishing are the basis for my relationships now. the independent and solitude loving aspects of my nature are important to me and I find ways (and a right partner) to find a balance. But under big stress i fall down and isolate.
The things I have shared in the thread with Kristyrose over in the AP support forum are painful but precious to me because i now know what it feels like to open to love and its wonderful and scary but i love it.
I value intimacy, and i seek it. and i love independence and solitude as well. so it takes careful choice to find the right partner that can work with me and grow with me and i am refining that.
