|
|
Post by tnr9 on May 21, 2018 21:26:23 GMT
I am posting this here because I have seen several situations where the other partner or even the partner with AP will suggest remaining friends after the breakup. As someone who is trying to navigate these waters right now...I would like to caution anyone who is thinking about remaining friends to really check your motives. I know that I initially thought that friendship would be a fantastic way to wipe the slate clean and start the whole process all over again, and if I am honest..I hoped it would end in us dating again. The reality however is that the guy I was dating has kept everything within a "friend" level...and I have been trying to use this as an opportunity to bring some of my patterns into awareness so that I can work on them...but I won't lie....this is challenging. Feelings of jealousy, possessiveness, resentment and sadness all come up pretty regularly along with being over animated around him (yes, I am still vying for his attention) and people pleasing. If there wasn't some deep level of care between us...I would throw my hands up, but we do really care about each other and at times, I am able to view him just as a friend...but those mountain top moments are hard earned and don't last for nearly as long as I would like. Movies, music, shows make it seem so easy to go back to friendship...but if the choice is to go down this road..just know that any issues with triggers etc are self inflicted. There is a reason why most articles do not recommend attempting to be friends after a breakup...so just consider things for a while before saying "yes".
|
|
|
|
Post by mindful on Jun 4, 2018 3:27:00 GMT
Thanks for posting this. I texted my ex few days after the break up saying I'm open to being friends (response was no, but don't want to say never). My motivation was just to be around him again; it felt like going though withdraw and I missed him a lot. I'm not sure what I was thinking...maybe I wanted to tapper off the addiction since the separation was so abrupt and cold-turkey. Seeing him again that soon would've probably make it worse though.
|
|
|
|
Post by mistakes on Jun 4, 2018 6:02:36 GMT
Thanks for bringing this up, it’s great to be able to talk about it^^
It’s funny how after all the awareness of what the cycle would be like, I would tell myself that I just want a little. After getting that “little”, I would want the extra little.
By looking deeper into the heart, the reson behind is so complicated. Other than all the reasons why I need to practice self love, I do miss the other, the goodness of the other just earn a spot in my eart like no one else could. And the strength that we developed as growing up in my family, in other sense is giving me confidence to... be stronger?
Another thought too, the first line of most internet resources are mostly confirming that “AP-DP /FA” always meet each other’s, and secure person is less likely to stat in the relationship. I mourn for a few weeks about the “destany” , so I convinced myself to better learn to survive...
It’s as if back to childhood: people don’t understand, so I have to find my own way. But own way is not much fun, for it’s hard to understand the other person, in order to build a relationship that meet both needs.
I always wonder nowadays, what meet in the middle means when I don’t know where the other person stand? By stating my need or preference is not th middle, after knowing all theses attachment theories... 🙈
|
|
