Post by islandwaver on May 23, 2018 14:58:03 GMT
Hi Everyone,
I've just recently learned about my attachment style and how I react when in a relationship with a FA/DA.
Yes I have co-dependency issues even though I thought I did my work at it was gone. Lol, apparently not!
I can't believe how many of these things I do and have done in previous relationships, it's almost embarrassing.
But as I'm becoming very aware of how I'm triggered and why (my childhood etc) I still get a kick out of how easily I can feel like I can obsess about a girl I've been seeing only a few months.
First off there's a huge age difference (I'm in my early 40's and she's in her early 20's) and we both knew this going in and said it would be fun or it would be done.
Slowly I opened my heart a bit and not long after felt her pulling back after a very minor tiff. Maybe a month later she said she was going back to her ex (a girl actually) and wanted to stay friends which was cool with me as I had only expected that from the start but we ended up getting physical unfortunately.
Since then I've had bouts of rejection and abandonment. Even when I know that I'm aware I'm feeling like this and I remind myself that it wasn't meant to last and it was only temporary.
But it still doesn't change the reaction in my body and how my brain is trying to figure out what's going on.
I've read so many books in the past month on the subject and I'm a lot more educated and aware, I still shake my head when I start to obsess about something I could have done differently or something I could have done better.
We are now friends but every now and again, I feel that ping inside. I want to feel that love again from this person even though I know it's not healthy and I know full well we are not compatible. I can rationalize it all but still get triggered.
I'm trying to start dating again but unfortunately I do terribly with the online thing which seems to be so easy for those who are young. I do ok when in public but don't seem to have that spirit or the wind in my sail a lot of the time.
I do know I'm good enough and I do know I have a lot of love to give, but would really like to feel like I can be friends with this person without that feeling of getting kicked in the stomach when she says she's out on a date or whatever. I want her to be happy and she wants it from me too. I just wish I could feel less sometimes and be cold like her.
One thing that has helped is Tapping or EFT. This takes the edge off for sure and I know when I meet someone new that's not a FA/DA I'll be able to let this go.
Just thought I'd share and that there's apparently a lot of us out there. We are good enough as we are and we will all hopefully begin to truly feel it if we keep at it.
I've just recently learned about my attachment style and how I react when in a relationship with a FA/DA.
Yes I have co-dependency issues even though I thought I did my work at it was gone. Lol, apparently not!
I can't believe how many of these things I do and have done in previous relationships, it's almost embarrassing.
But as I'm becoming very aware of how I'm triggered and why (my childhood etc) I still get a kick out of how easily I can feel like I can obsess about a girl I've been seeing only a few months.
First off there's a huge age difference (I'm in my early 40's and she's in her early 20's) and we both knew this going in and said it would be fun or it would be done.
Slowly I opened my heart a bit and not long after felt her pulling back after a very minor tiff. Maybe a month later she said she was going back to her ex (a girl actually) and wanted to stay friends which was cool with me as I had only expected that from the start but we ended up getting physical unfortunately.
Since then I've had bouts of rejection and abandonment. Even when I know that I'm aware I'm feeling like this and I remind myself that it wasn't meant to last and it was only temporary.
But it still doesn't change the reaction in my body and how my brain is trying to figure out what's going on.
I've read so many books in the past month on the subject and I'm a lot more educated and aware, I still shake my head when I start to obsess about something I could have done differently or something I could have done better.
We are now friends but every now and again, I feel that ping inside. I want to feel that love again from this person even though I know it's not healthy and I know full well we are not compatible. I can rationalize it all but still get triggered.
I'm trying to start dating again but unfortunately I do terribly with the online thing which seems to be so easy for those who are young. I do ok when in public but don't seem to have that spirit or the wind in my sail a lot of the time.
I do know I'm good enough and I do know I have a lot of love to give, but would really like to feel like I can be friends with this person without that feeling of getting kicked in the stomach when she says she's out on a date or whatever. I want her to be happy and she wants it from me too. I just wish I could feel less sometimes and be cold like her.
One thing that has helped is Tapping or EFT. This takes the edge off for sure and I know when I meet someone new that's not a FA/DA I'll be able to let this go.
Just thought I'd share and that there's apparently a lot of us out there. We are good enough as we are and we will all hopefully begin to truly feel it if we keep at it.