Healing Disorganized (FA) attatchment sty/ chock-trauma ect.
Jun 8, 2018 16:02:53 GMT
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Post by anne12 on Jun 8, 2018 16:02:53 GMT
DISORGANIZED ATTACHMENT STYLE (Fearfull avoidant) developmental and other traumas and stressors in life:
Main feeling: SHAME
They can act shameless or hide.
When there is a kind of high isolation between too much parasympathetic or too much sympathetic, you are missing the regulation of the middle. There is a lot of distress in the system. So, when somebody moves into disorganized, often what you will see – over any length of time – is a kind of flipping back and forth between the extremes, or elements of Ambivalent and Avoidant.
IT is not because of the same reasons as the avoidant (always moving avay when the other gets close / or the ambivalent always moving toward when the other moves away) but IT is PANIC - they do not have a strategy - that's why it is called desorganised. They go into panic mode - they want to Be close and distant at the same time. They get frigtent at an instinktive level. They can go into flight, and shut down and move away or start a fight. Or suddenly collapse into freeze.
They often cant even remember what just happend or how they have acted or what they have said, because they acted from the primitive reptile part of their brain.
That means sometimes they are shut down and be frozen and not available for contact – they are more in their threat response, so there’s a shutting down of the attachment system and other times there is a lot of hyper-‐anxiety about what’s going on in the relationship.
The feeling of safety and good boundaries is important, if you have got some desorganized attatchment.
Situational of Chronic Disorganized Adaptation
Especially with disorganized – you’ll find a reference to Situational Disorganized and what they mean by that is, certain situations might kick you into disorganized attachment for a while – maybe you had a death early on, or were abandoned early on, or your parents often talked about getting a divorce and they finnaly did, if one of your parents were wery strict, and any subsequent death or abandonment may become a trigger (it can only be 5% of your attatchmentstyle all in all - but it can give you a lot of trouble in your lovelife).
People can have disorganised avoidant or disorganised ambivalent or disorganised secure attatchmentstyle or a mix of all attatchmentstyles.
Also the adult can experience a trigger when exposed to loud noises, yelling, or conflict or if somebody raises their hand in a friendly way, that reminds the adult of some violence from the past.
So you don’t necessarily have to have a chronic or a totally intact pattern on any of the different attatchmentstyles - there could be just one or two things that might push you into insecure attachment. Basically you are feeling love and belonging, and connection and stability, and trusting, and all of that, but certain situations sort of pull the rug out from under you; and just depending on where you go at that moment…
Cronic disorganised attatchmentstyle: Past trauma was so severe that the individual’s main attachment style becomes Disorganized (FA).
Dan Siegel:
m.youtube.com/watch?v=WkEcpBU3TpE
m.youtube.com/watch?v=zovtRq4e2E8
More about disorganized attatchment:
The need to attach is so strong that we are said to bond with any caregiver no matter what their actual behavior—even if lifethreatening. This may require the child to literally override his or her own survival system or warning signals to allow them to walk into danger instead of running away from it or risking fighting back. They must be provided clarity in communication to override the original double messages presented to them by parents or caregivers. The attachment system must have a safe place to land, usually in relationships outside of the family.
This can be done in the safe context of therapy, where the defensive responses for selfprotection (fight or flight) can be redirected toward the original threat of one of both of the parents.
Allan Schore’s synthesis of research finds that the best modalities for healing attachment wounds include bodybased therapies. In other words, the body needs to feel the return of safe Secure Attachment in a deeply physical way—as well as emotionally—so that the new corrective experiences of healthy relating can eventually override the original negative wounding.
The challenge is that attachment patterning happens so early, beginning in the womb. We need to develop skills to work pre-verbally, nonconceptually, within bottom-up processing for most of the session. But we also use top-down processing, to educate and help integrate the healing at the end of the session.
Important critical periods in life:
0-2/3 years old, teenager, when you move from your parents, your first love/partner with whom you have lived with, loosing important relationships later in life (parents/grandparents who died, loss of job, loosing people/friends/partners who were important ect)
jebkinnisonforum.com/thread/3916/adolescent-brain-second-window-opportunity
More from attatchment therapist/SE therapist:
Narrative and Disorganized Attachment:
Perhaps our most challenging Attachment adaptation, clients who have Disorganized Attachment characteristics often confuse use of pronouns, tenses, and tell stories that trail off, making it difficult to piece together an accurate representation of history and events.
Brain dominance:
Lack of linkage in the Associave Cortex
Amgydala on stuck in trauma
Narrative style:
Loss of voice & word recall
Gaps, long pauses & mix of tenses
Incoherent, hard to follow
May be difficult to follow
Challenging to keep on track
Start-stop languaging
Address regulation
Suggest ally or competent protector
Often has too much isolation or hyper-need
Bodylanguage:
There is a lot of energy in their body from the stomac and up in the upper body.
They can stiffen in their upper body and they can feel very tired. They are used to being alert.
They can feel parts of their body and other parts they may not feel because of dessociation
They can also be very expressive with their face or if they have dessociated they can stiffen and have a pail skin
The disorganised can suddenly jump back when in contact,
RIGHT BRAIN / LEFT BRAIN
Right brain/left brain
Brain imaging studies1-3 have shown that traumatic events tend to activate the right hemisphere of the brain and deactivate the left. The right brain is the intuitive, emotional, visual, spatial, tactile and artistic side. It stores memories of sound, touch and smell.
www.dvm360.com/view/your-brain-trauma
www.praxesmodel.com/the-right-brain-and-healing-trauma
Feminie/masculine:
They can be very feminine as a woman
or they can be very masculine leaning as a man
They can be almost irresistable
Parasympathetic/sympathetic:
They can be more parasympathetic leaning or
They can be more sympathetic leaning
Or they can swith between the two extremes
We humans have two basic needs; the need for safety and the need for connection.
Mother and / or father or possibly siblings or other close family members have been overwhelming, painful, scary or mother and father's relationship has been. What has happened, has not made any sense to the child at all. The parents have signaled: "Come here and stay away!" Or have switched between extreme conditions without regard to the child's signals. It happens, for example, if the adults are toxicated. For children it is very scary with a alcoholic parent!
Parents may have put the child in situations, where the child had to chose, regardless of what it chooced - would feel wrong. For example, one could choose between taking care of her mother, making her happy while ignoring herself and her well-being. Or another example: That mother threatened suicide, or went away and maybe gone for several hours. Or a third example: to choose between mother and father and similar bad situations! Or there has been an abuse in the family, either something you've been exposed to, or something you've witnessed.
The child may suffer exposure to:
Loud voices
Explosive behavior
Emotional abuse
Physical abuse
Sexual abuse
A parent with a mental illness/depression/a parent with unresolved trauma
A parent with NPD, BPD, ASPD ect.
An alcoholic parent
Parents who argued a lot Infront of the child
A parent with stress
A parent with an unregulated nerveussystem
ect.
As an adult, love is therefore scary, while you need it. It shows up in the instinktive level of the brain/nerveussystem. It´s trauma. This is a level that lies deeper than both feelings and thoughts.
The parents themselves may be afraid, just generating “emergency room energy” from their own unresolved trauma in their past. They may not actually be doing something scary like yelling or hitting or being abusive, but they might also have those behaviors, so you have to look at what was the situation; in either case you get a strong overcoupling, a strong tangling-up of the attachment system trying to attach, and at the very same time, the survival system locking in, trying to get to safety and get away. So it creates a lot of internal physical, psychological, and emotional confusion, which then gets transferred into adult relationships;
and because so much of it is pre-verbal, sub-psychological and unconscious, you might attain a certain level of intimacy with your partner, and then – without having any clue why – just hit this terror, hit this disorganization and feel this strong need to get away. It’s really hard on adult relationships, because you or your partner do not really know why it’s happening. It was so deeply patterned in your internal relationship template before awareness was available to make sense of it – a conditioned, “reflexive” relationship pattern wrecking havoc years later, uninvited, into your intimate dyadic relationship.
Remember there are other situations that can give trauma/push you int desorganized attatchment style (operations, bullying, accident, bad relationsships, a death early in life ect. - look in This thread
jebkinnisonforum.com/post/25833/
Signs of disorganized attatchment style:
(remember often we do not only have one attatchment style but a mix)
You may feel like a mistake in the relationship because of your overwhelming reactions ("dramaqueen / king"). The integrity of your reactions is because you have to suppress the survival instincts of the original love relationship with your mother / father when you were a child. It creates a state of tension in you, which can then be released spontaneously and explosively in your adult life.
You may have a confusion about when a contact with another is safe, and when it is necessary to escape or fight
You may experience being confused in the relationship and having trouble figuring out what's going on.
You are often locked in "Come Here - And Go Away!" patterns. You reach out for love -> you get frightened -> you pull away or attack -> then you will be calm again, when there is a distance -> you reach out, etc. Looks like the ambivalent pattern, but there are actually two different mechanisms. The disorganized form of connetcion is not about the accessibility of the other, as for the ambivalent / nervous attatched, but that you are overwhelmed at an instinctive level of contact. The close contact brings the old history into the system - and thus the old state of tension in the nervous system: Alarm! The ambivalent loses interest if the other is available. The disorganized runs scared back or attacks aggressively.
You do not like, if things are not clear. If there is confusion and clutter, it causes turmoil inside you and often causes angry- or panic outbreaks.
Avoident can be a camouflaged desorganised attachment style leaning dismissive avoidant or ambivalent can be a camouflaged desorganised attachment style leaning anxious
You may have difficulty in being present in the present
The desorganised is in the past
Their nerveussystem is undercoupled
You have an inner chaos and you may be afraid of being insane (stemming from the original situation of your upbringing: it was crazy!)
You may have tension, when describing your past, for example, holding long breaks when you tell about your past and stop in the middle of sentences. Or have physical and / or emotional numbness
You may have memory problems
You may have difficulty remembering your childhood, or you may remember only a few episodes or things that you have been told or seen in pictures.
You can experience old stressful situations, that comes alive in your memory, as if you were there again (flash-backs)
You may be bad to taking care of yourself and your body
You can possibly hurt yourself by bodily exaggeration by cutting yourself
5 types of dezorganised attatchmentstyle - youtu.be/MsDgCtwHS3g
1) Volatile
2) Perfectionist
3) Imploder
4) Fa leaning ap
5) Fa leaning da
Possible issues in the relationship
You may have difficulty knowing, when it's ok to trust others - or how! You can have either "blind" trust or no trust at all.
You may have difficulty seeing danger signals - because you as a child learned to overhear these
You may find it difficult to feel your boundaries, and therefore you find it hard to set boundaries
You may have difficulty relying on your boundaries beiing okay
You may have a continuing need to either escape(flight) or fight in a relationship. The feeling of security is largely lacking
You may have sudden mood swings / shut Downs freeze / fight /flight
Your partner may be afraid of your sudden shifts and the extreme feelings such as rage or panic attacks
You may disconnect or pick a fight when true intimacy begins to emerge often without knowing why
Your partner may feel pushed away because of your inability to be present in the present moment and feeling the body
Your relationship may be characterized by persecutor-victim dynamics, over-underdog, one beeing in power and the other one feeling powerless.
Theres a lot of despair in lovelife
A lot of shame
If you are more related to the disorganized attatchmentstyle, you will tend to fall in love with someone who exceeds your limits (or where you find it difficult to put them), where you may have a underdog / overdog's dynamics or in one that surely overwhelms you.
The desorganised part of your attatchment style are maybe only be 5%, but these 5% can be the reason for (all) your troubles in your lovelife and other relationships.
The way forward - how do you heal a disorganized attatchmentstyle:
- The best thing you can do is to go to therapy with a (SE= spmatic experience) attatchmnet trauma therapist regularly until you have mastered the traumatic experiences of the past. Perhaps you can not even remember the initial events, or you may not remember them as trauma because you may well have closed off to feel them. As a defense against being overwhelmed by them and "The insane that happened" and instead, you may have been the "strong" one who felt no emotions
- It is also important in the therapy to separate the two vital needs: The need for attachment and the need for security when you were a child so the two needs can now be experienced from the same person. Namely from your partner
- In addition, it's important that you land your state of "alarm", which you may not even notice you are in because you have closed of and dissociated and have gone into freeze or functionel freeze. This includes, inter alia, getting your instinctive part of the brain (reptile brain) to understand that your life right here is now safe.
- Focus on the fact that you have actually survived and are now grown. You have many more resources NOW! Focus on your resources
- Discover that what happen, happened at that time (in the past)
Find some safer relationships. This may mean that there are relationships with boyfriend, family members and / or friends that you may need to stop or limit
- Develop a realistic trust. One of the ways is to talk to others about what is reasonable and realistic
Let your partner not to be perfect! Just as you are not yourself. Learn to tolerate reasonable disappointments. Check out the reasonableness by talking to other people about it
- Clean any abusive conditions, and do not allow these dynamics again (persecuter/victim dynamics, overdog/underdog, topdog/underdog/ power strugles). End the relationship, if you can not stop these dynamics
- Exercise mindfulness - Exercise yourself to be present here and now with your consciousness! It's not about meditating ½-1 hour a day, but being aware and having contact with yourself during the day. It is living life!
NOTE! (Sometimes mindfulness can be difficult when you have chok traumas, because mindfulness allows room for the chok trauma reactions to "make noise". For example, concern thoughts and bodily unpleasant reactions: unease, leaning, spinning, nausea, dizziness, pressure, palpitation, etc.)
- When you are triggered, regulate and pause before you do anything else (SE tools). You can't use your prefrontal cortex when you are getting triggered. When you have come out of your instinctive reactions - fight, flight, freeze - then make a decision about what to do and how to react.
- Enjoy the nature
There's a lot to see and experience when you move outside of your safe environment. Nothing is more healing for mind and body than nature. Spend time in nature and discover. Look around and note all the goodness of nature in stock. Begin to acknowledge the need for balance, confidence and harmony in your life. Be kind to yourself and set aside time to play and contemplation.
- Create a daily routine with structure.
- Try to tolerate getting closer and closer to a loved one without pushing the person away - move closer step by step
- Take care of yourself
- Choose the company of good humans, it increases your energy and give you a smile. Uncheck or limit contact with humans, that drains your energy and ruins your mood. Be selective and selfish - INFO! It's not selfish to take care of yourself, it's on the contrary self-loving.
Use Chris Griscom color/breathing meditation, if you are angry with or afraid of another person:
Imagine the other person or look at the other person.
Ask yourself what color she wants from you. But only inside of yourself.
Imagine a cloud with this color over your head.
Pull the color in together with your inhalation.
Send the colour through the solar plexus and over to the other person on exhalation.
Healing from the disorganized form of attatchmentstyle is at the deepest level of seerate the love / safe attachment from the threat.
Unfortunately, you can not talk or analyze this!!!!
It must be healed on all 3 levels: the mental, emotional and instinctive level!
REMEMBER: Healing on the instinctive level, must come first. It´s survivel energy! When your system is in survival mode, it overrules everything else that you might have learned - your logic and your emotions - and your lovelife!
Methods to generally land the nervous system, for example:
the water tank exercise
(the instinktive level),
felt sence exercise,
getting into the now exercise. Felt sensations is more important, than feeling the feelings when activated, as the desorganized often gets overwhelmed by their own feelings.
Orienting exercise
Kind eyes exercise
Methods to get more into the secure attachment style use "getting into secure attatchment" exercise.
jebkinnisonforum.com/thread/880/self-regulating-regulation-exercises-ect
Methods to heal some of the more specific events from childhood.
Use the paradoxial change method and the "anger meditation" - Leonard Jacobsen/two chair exercise.
Diane Poole Heller working with BPD / desorganised attachments dianepooleheller.com/video-4/
Also Diane Poole Heller and Peter Levine and others talks about how trauma stops time and what to do about it.
Go to youtube.
Pratice with a SE/attatchment therapist and/or on your own/with a (secure) friend or partner with a calmed regulated nerveussystem to regulate your nerveussystem:
- Using the watertank exersice (disorganised/ambivalent or stressed situations- too much activation in the nerveussystem) Can also Be used in a shut down state. (SE)
- Working with smoveys, if the nerveussystem has shut down, to get back the energy - www.youtube.com/watch?v=wd0GZ5Naia8&t=207s
- Also the wuu Sound Peter Levine,
- hot shower,
- sing,
Diane Poole Heller - demonatration
www.youtube.com/watch?v=iJ3OcQw3oCI
- Touch:
Supportive touch from another person (all attatchment styles - be carefull with desorganised part). A touch on the arm, shoulder, on the top of the back, on the top of one of your feet or rigth beside the foot aso. (Body namic / SE)
- The wuu sound (Peter Levine) (SE) - www.youtube.com/watch?v=6DeB_CGtOJM&t=2s
- Tapping and self hug (Peter Levine) (SE) - www.youtube.com/watch?v=G7zAseaIyFA&t=178s
- Bellicon mini trampoline (Peter Levine) (SE) - www.youtube.com/watch?v=YV0EW0ATg3Q
- Kind eyes exersice (Diane Poole Heller) (DA or disorganised) - www.youtube.com/watch?v=leVxB1l5NiY
- Eyeballs exercise:
Letting the eyeballs sink into the eyes and imagine that the eyeballs lands on a soft pillow (avoidants and desorganized - they can have a "harsh/starring look" in their eyes, because they can be watching out for "danger-signales"). Also a good way to gruond, because they can have a hard time feeling the body and if/or/when the feel the body, they can somehow get activated)(Diane Poole Heller)
- Pendulation:
Pendelig between trauma and resources ect. by notecing a part of the body that feels okay and another part of the body that fells tence or that hurts. Pendeling between these two parts of the body, with the main focus on the part that feels okay. (SE)
- Tuning board to get the body in balance (Peter Levine) (SE)
- Titration
- Coming into the world excercise (Diane Poole Heller)
- Breath exercise
- Orient exercise
- Competent preotector exercise
- Pushing hand exercise
www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/simplifying-complex-trauma/202112/how-bottom-treatment-can-address-trauma
coreawareness.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/01/Psoas-Health-Trauma-Recovery-Protocol-Massage-Bodywork-Magazine-December-January-2004.pdf
Sport/exercise:
Yoga
Thai chi
Qi Gong
ect.
What to do when things are not clear:
As unsertenty are toxic to the disorganized, also loose and or unclear agreements, they need short, clear, concise messages.
A person with some desorganized attatchment style can ask:
"What do you mean, when you say ...?"
"Is it then a deal that ....?!"
In a safe relationsship:
When the desorganised experiencing love, the old system can say: "Oh no ..." They're used to, things goes wrong and they can disappear from the contact in the precent moment. When we're comfortable with our loved ones, so that we can relax and allow us to love/give in to the relationship, it causes the system to say:"Ah, now there's room to take a bite more of the trauma whirlwind"
It's really annoying, because it gets us right in the middle of a trauma whirlwind, where drama and heavy emotions easily arise.
More about the Sympathetic vs Parasympathetic Responses:
jebkinnisonforum.com/thread/880/self-regulating-exercises?page=1&scrollTo=13006
Trauma and the nerveussystem:
www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZdIQRxwT1I0
Dan Siegel:
Talks about dezorganized in the making and how a desorganized parent can get triggered by its child. www.youtube.com/watch?v=zovtRq4e2E8
Peter Levine:
The founder of SE therapy, explains how slowly releasing (or titrating) this compressed fight-or-flight energy a bit at time to give the individual the ability to reintegrate it back into their nervous system.
Trauma and shame:
jebkinnisonforum.com/thread/1007/trauma-shame
www.youtube.com/watch?v=hEUXUHAkC5A
Inherited family trauma:
www.markwolynn.com/
Family constelation work
Diane Poole Heller:
Shows how trauma stops time
And talks about situational disorganized attachment in couples
How to work with your selfworth/selfesteem - how to love yourself more tips.
Remember when we are in survival mode/stressed out there is no room for love or selflove. We use All our energy to survive.
jebkinnisonforum.com/thread/1051/love-tips
Why you shouldent fight formore than 15 min. can make the other person the enemy //jebkinnisonforum.com/thread/905/fighting
The paradoxial change method:
The moment you are able to give the feeling, the mood or the state allowed to be there as it is - it can change.
When we experience negative feelings, moods or states, we would like to change these.
But the urge can give battle inside.
The paradoxical change method is, to change without struggle. (from gestalt therapy/7 good habits)
jebkinnisonforum.com/thread/1128/accepting-paradoxial-change-method
Men and masculinity:
www.terryreal.com/
jebkinnisonforum.com/thread/1376/work-femininity-masculinity
Learn to become proactive instead of reactive:
Covey's book 7 good habits - gestalt therapy
jebkinnisonforum.com/thread/1198/proactive-get-negativity-victim-role
Social engagement and dissociation - look at the persons eyes
Dealing with a partner with desorganized attatchmentstyle:
Examine these topics to preserve your own health inside of a bond shared with a loved one with attachment injury or trauma.
Can You Maintain Healthy Boundaries?
We cannot change others, but we can control our reaction to their behavior. When your loved one or family member displays attachment injury, can you walk away or realize that their behavior is not truly related to you? This is difficult sometimes, as individuals often lash out due to chaotic emotions and the inability to self-regulate.
Letting your loved one know your boundaries can benefit you – and them. Is your loved one ready for help? If they are unaware of the area of attachment therapy, pointing him or her toward resources to help with secure attachment might be of value.
Display Sensitivity and Attunement
Realize that everyone comes from a subjective place. Often, showing attunement and compassion for your loved one with attachment injury gives them a taste of secure attachment while also setting a good example. It is possible to heal attachment at any age.
Attunement strategies include verbal and non-verbal qualities:
Affirmations
Acknowledgments
Active listening
Mirroring body language
Eye contact
Through attunement, your loved one can feel more secure, and being with less insecure people is far more pleasant.
Don’t Go on the Defensive
If your loved one shares a feeling with you, “I feel like my family doesn’t love or support me.” Or, “Everyone always lets me down.” Don’t come back with an immediate rebuttal. Respond while keeping in mind that it is their reality, their feelings. A compassionate response will validate their feelings and avoid the barrier that often arises with an instant rebuttal.
Sometimes we need to feel heard.
Brenee Brown, empathy Vs. sympathy - www.youtube.com/watch?v=1Evwgu369Jw
Good phrases to repair a disorganized attachment with your partner or other:
I notice you, and what you need
I'm sorry, I scared you
I want to protect you, and you can count on me
Let me make things clear for you
If your partner runs off and is triggered/situational triggered:
Remember they are looking for love and at the same time gets frightened by it.
You can try give your partner contact every day, if it feels natural to you.
But only short!
By sms short and loving.
By phone short and loving
If you meet, short and loving
Be clear in your communication.
No ambiguities. No long explanations. Brief/short, concistent and loving
If your partner could be under a lot of stress and stops the relationship out of nowhere:
Find out if there are many things happening in your partners life, so it's clear if your partners thoughts fly around on everything else. For example, a new apartment, a new job and a life as a student after some years of sabbath. Right now, your partners behavior is not normal, but you nterpret it as a natural stage and do not know if you should let your partner push you away and sometimes hurt you every time, but support your partners situation right now and hope for a few days / weeks a normal level again? Does your partner ends up feeling sorry for her/his behavior and is willing to fight for it?
Solution:
Keep on having the dialogue with your partner.
Remind your partner, that there is so much happening in her/his life right now, that it might be overwhelming for her/him. Investigate what kind of support, that overwhelmed part of your partner needs
Remember - If you have too much threat going on in a relationship, you'll lose the part of your brain that's actually interested in connection, intimacy, love, authenticity, and vulnerability.
www.forbes.com/sites/amymorin/2016/10/22/there-is-a-clear-line-between-oversharing-and-being-authentic-heres-how-to-avoid-crossing-it/
Diane Poole Heller:
And talks about situational disorganized attachment in couples www.youtube.com/watch?v=fihihodKw_A
Film caracter:
Main caracter (Matt Damon) in Good Will Hunting m.youtube.com/watch?v=nH9LZOXBMUE
Leena, Beyond m.youtube.com/watch?v=r3RRDaAKTWE
Fleabag m.youtube.com/watch?v=aX2ViKQFL_k
Flickering lights - youtu.be/kJyaJBJG7bQ
hthttp://jebkinnisonforum.com/thread/850/drama-triangle
Borderline vs narc mom explained
Always remember in relationsship - all attatchmentstyles (Raja Selvam):
Raja Selvam has a significant point about relationships. "If your partner does not remain in resonance, when you need to land your system - you will feel abandoned. You will get a feeling, that you have to manage yourself. It feels very lonely"
Often we do not only have one attatchment style, but traits from different attatcmentstyles, that also needs to be healed:
jebkinnisonforum.com/thread/1072/healing-ambivalent-attatchment-tips-tricks
jebkinnisonforum.com/thread/1071/healing-avoidant-da-attatchmentstyle
Secure attatchment:
jebkinnisonforum.com/thread/1185/secure-attatchment-style
Movies that can help you showing secure relationships:
The bonus family Netflix - www.youtube.com/watch?v=GuLcbyo7hsE
Main feeling: SHAME
They can act shameless or hide.
When there is a kind of high isolation between too much parasympathetic or too much sympathetic, you are missing the regulation of the middle. There is a lot of distress in the system. So, when somebody moves into disorganized, often what you will see – over any length of time – is a kind of flipping back and forth between the extremes, or elements of Ambivalent and Avoidant.
IT is not because of the same reasons as the avoidant (always moving avay when the other gets close / or the ambivalent always moving toward when the other moves away) but IT is PANIC - they do not have a strategy - that's why it is called desorganised. They go into panic mode - they want to Be close and distant at the same time. They get frigtent at an instinktive level. They can go into flight, and shut down and move away or start a fight. Or suddenly collapse into freeze.
They often cant even remember what just happend or how they have acted or what they have said, because they acted from the primitive reptile part of their brain.
That means sometimes they are shut down and be frozen and not available for contact – they are more in their threat response, so there’s a shutting down of the attachment system and other times there is a lot of hyper-‐anxiety about what’s going on in the relationship.
The feeling of safety and good boundaries is important, if you have got some desorganized attatchment.
Situational of Chronic Disorganized Adaptation
Especially with disorganized – you’ll find a reference to Situational Disorganized and what they mean by that is, certain situations might kick you into disorganized attachment for a while – maybe you had a death early on, or were abandoned early on, or your parents often talked about getting a divorce and they finnaly did, if one of your parents were wery strict, and any subsequent death or abandonment may become a trigger (it can only be 5% of your attatchmentstyle all in all - but it can give you a lot of trouble in your lovelife).
People can have disorganised avoidant or disorganised ambivalent or disorganised secure attatchmentstyle or a mix of all attatchmentstyles.
Also the adult can experience a trigger when exposed to loud noises, yelling, or conflict or if somebody raises their hand in a friendly way, that reminds the adult of some violence from the past.
So you don’t necessarily have to have a chronic or a totally intact pattern on any of the different attatchmentstyles - there could be just one or two things that might push you into insecure attachment. Basically you are feeling love and belonging, and connection and stability, and trusting, and all of that, but certain situations sort of pull the rug out from under you; and just depending on where you go at that moment…
Cronic disorganised attatchmentstyle: Past trauma was so severe that the individual’s main attachment style becomes Disorganized (FA).
Dan Siegel:
m.youtube.com/watch?v=WkEcpBU3TpE
m.youtube.com/watch?v=zovtRq4e2E8
More about disorganized attatchment:
The need to attach is so strong that we are said to bond with any caregiver no matter what their actual behavior—even if lifethreatening. This may require the child to literally override his or her own survival system or warning signals to allow them to walk into danger instead of running away from it or risking fighting back. They must be provided clarity in communication to override the original double messages presented to them by parents or caregivers. The attachment system must have a safe place to land, usually in relationships outside of the family.
This can be done in the safe context of therapy, where the defensive responses for selfprotection (fight or flight) can be redirected toward the original threat of one of both of the parents.
Allan Schore’s synthesis of research finds that the best modalities for healing attachment wounds include bodybased therapies. In other words, the body needs to feel the return of safe Secure Attachment in a deeply physical way—as well as emotionally—so that the new corrective experiences of healthy relating can eventually override the original negative wounding.
The challenge is that attachment patterning happens so early, beginning in the womb. We need to develop skills to work pre-verbally, nonconceptually, within bottom-up processing for most of the session. But we also use top-down processing, to educate and help integrate the healing at the end of the session.
Important critical periods in life:
0-2/3 years old, teenager, when you move from your parents, your first love/partner with whom you have lived with, loosing important relationships later in life (parents/grandparents who died, loss of job, loosing people/friends/partners who were important ect)
jebkinnisonforum.com/thread/3916/adolescent-brain-second-window-opportunity
More from attatchment therapist/SE therapist:
Narrative and Disorganized Attachment:
Perhaps our most challenging Attachment adaptation, clients who have Disorganized Attachment characteristics often confuse use of pronouns, tenses, and tell stories that trail off, making it difficult to piece together an accurate representation of history and events.
Brain dominance:
Lack of linkage in the Associave Cortex
Amgydala on stuck in trauma
Narrative style:
Loss of voice & word recall
Gaps, long pauses & mix of tenses
Incoherent, hard to follow
May be difficult to follow
Challenging to keep on track
Start-stop languaging
Address regulation
Suggest ally or competent protector
Often has too much isolation or hyper-need
Bodylanguage:
There is a lot of energy in their body from the stomac and up in the upper body.
They can stiffen in their upper body and they can feel very tired. They are used to being alert.
They can feel parts of their body and other parts they may not feel because of dessociation
They can also be very expressive with their face or if they have dessociated they can stiffen and have a pail skin
The disorganised can suddenly jump back when in contact,
RIGHT BRAIN / LEFT BRAIN
Right brain/left brain
Brain imaging studies1-3 have shown that traumatic events tend to activate the right hemisphere of the brain and deactivate the left. The right brain is the intuitive, emotional, visual, spatial, tactile and artistic side. It stores memories of sound, touch and smell.
www.dvm360.com/view/your-brain-trauma
www.praxesmodel.com/the-right-brain-and-healing-trauma
Feminie/masculine:
They can be very feminine as a woman
or they can be very masculine leaning as a man
They can be almost irresistable
Parasympathetic/sympathetic:
They can be more parasympathetic leaning or
They can be more sympathetic leaning
Or they can swith between the two extremes
We humans have two basic needs; the need for safety and the need for connection.
Mother and / or father or possibly siblings or other close family members have been overwhelming, painful, scary or mother and father's relationship has been. What has happened, has not made any sense to the child at all. The parents have signaled: "Come here and stay away!" Or have switched between extreme conditions without regard to the child's signals. It happens, for example, if the adults are toxicated. For children it is very scary with a alcoholic parent!
Parents may have put the child in situations, where the child had to chose, regardless of what it chooced - would feel wrong. For example, one could choose between taking care of her mother, making her happy while ignoring herself and her well-being. Or another example: That mother threatened suicide, or went away and maybe gone for several hours. Or a third example: to choose between mother and father and similar bad situations! Or there has been an abuse in the family, either something you've been exposed to, or something you've witnessed.
The child may suffer exposure to:
Loud voices
Explosive behavior
Emotional abuse
Physical abuse
Sexual abuse
A parent with a mental illness/depression/a parent with unresolved trauma
A parent with NPD, BPD, ASPD ect.
An alcoholic parent
Parents who argued a lot Infront of the child
A parent with stress
A parent with an unregulated nerveussystem
ect.
As an adult, love is therefore scary, while you need it. It shows up in the instinktive level of the brain/nerveussystem. It´s trauma. This is a level that lies deeper than both feelings and thoughts.
The parents themselves may be afraid, just generating “emergency room energy” from their own unresolved trauma in their past. They may not actually be doing something scary like yelling or hitting or being abusive, but they might also have those behaviors, so you have to look at what was the situation; in either case you get a strong overcoupling, a strong tangling-up of the attachment system trying to attach, and at the very same time, the survival system locking in, trying to get to safety and get away. So it creates a lot of internal physical, psychological, and emotional confusion, which then gets transferred into adult relationships;
and because so much of it is pre-verbal, sub-psychological and unconscious, you might attain a certain level of intimacy with your partner, and then – without having any clue why – just hit this terror, hit this disorganization and feel this strong need to get away. It’s really hard on adult relationships, because you or your partner do not really know why it’s happening. It was so deeply patterned in your internal relationship template before awareness was available to make sense of it – a conditioned, “reflexive” relationship pattern wrecking havoc years later, uninvited, into your intimate dyadic relationship.
Remember there are other situations that can give trauma/push you int desorganized attatchment style (operations, bullying, accident, bad relationsships, a death early in life ect. - look in This thread
jebkinnisonforum.com/post/25833/
Signs of disorganized attatchment style:
(remember often we do not only have one attatchment style but a mix)
You may feel like a mistake in the relationship because of your overwhelming reactions ("dramaqueen / king"). The integrity of your reactions is because you have to suppress the survival instincts of the original love relationship with your mother / father when you were a child. It creates a state of tension in you, which can then be released spontaneously and explosively in your adult life.
You may have a confusion about when a contact with another is safe, and when it is necessary to escape or fight
You may experience being confused in the relationship and having trouble figuring out what's going on.
You are often locked in "Come Here - And Go Away!" patterns. You reach out for love -> you get frightened -> you pull away or attack -> then you will be calm again, when there is a distance -> you reach out, etc. Looks like the ambivalent pattern, but there are actually two different mechanisms. The disorganized form of connetcion is not about the accessibility of the other, as for the ambivalent / nervous attatched, but that you are overwhelmed at an instinctive level of contact. The close contact brings the old history into the system - and thus the old state of tension in the nervous system: Alarm! The ambivalent loses interest if the other is available. The disorganized runs scared back or attacks aggressively.
You do not like, if things are not clear. If there is confusion and clutter, it causes turmoil inside you and often causes angry- or panic outbreaks.
Avoident can be a camouflaged desorganised attachment style leaning dismissive avoidant or ambivalent can be a camouflaged desorganised attachment style leaning anxious
You may have difficulty in being present in the present
The desorganised is in the past
Their nerveussystem is undercoupled
You have an inner chaos and you may be afraid of being insane (stemming from the original situation of your upbringing: it was crazy!)
You may have tension, when describing your past, for example, holding long breaks when you tell about your past and stop in the middle of sentences. Or have physical and / or emotional numbness
You may have memory problems
You may have difficulty remembering your childhood, or you may remember only a few episodes or things that you have been told or seen in pictures.
You can experience old stressful situations, that comes alive in your memory, as if you were there again (flash-backs)
You may be bad to taking care of yourself and your body
You can possibly hurt yourself by bodily exaggeration by cutting yourself
5 types of dezorganised attatchmentstyle - youtu.be/MsDgCtwHS3g
1) Volatile
2) Perfectionist
3) Imploder
4) Fa leaning ap
5) Fa leaning da
Possible issues in the relationship
You may have difficulty knowing, when it's ok to trust others - or how! You can have either "blind" trust or no trust at all.
You may have difficulty seeing danger signals - because you as a child learned to overhear these
You may find it difficult to feel your boundaries, and therefore you find it hard to set boundaries
You may have difficulty relying on your boundaries beiing okay
You may have a continuing need to either escape(flight) or fight in a relationship. The feeling of security is largely lacking
You may have sudden mood swings / shut Downs freeze / fight /flight
Your partner may be afraid of your sudden shifts and the extreme feelings such as rage or panic attacks
You may disconnect or pick a fight when true intimacy begins to emerge often without knowing why
Your partner may feel pushed away because of your inability to be present in the present moment and feeling the body
Your relationship may be characterized by persecutor-victim dynamics, over-underdog, one beeing in power and the other one feeling powerless.
Theres a lot of despair in lovelife
A lot of shame
If you are more related to the disorganized attatchmentstyle, you will tend to fall in love with someone who exceeds your limits (or where you find it difficult to put them), where you may have a underdog / overdog's dynamics or in one that surely overwhelms you.
The desorganised part of your attatchment style are maybe only be 5%, but these 5% can be the reason for (all) your troubles in your lovelife and other relationships.
The way forward - how do you heal a disorganized attatchmentstyle:
- The best thing you can do is to go to therapy with a (SE= spmatic experience) attatchmnet trauma therapist regularly until you have mastered the traumatic experiences of the past. Perhaps you can not even remember the initial events, or you may not remember them as trauma because you may well have closed off to feel them. As a defense against being overwhelmed by them and "The insane that happened" and instead, you may have been the "strong" one who felt no emotions
- It is also important in the therapy to separate the two vital needs: The need for attachment and the need for security when you were a child so the two needs can now be experienced from the same person. Namely from your partner
- In addition, it's important that you land your state of "alarm", which you may not even notice you are in because you have closed of and dissociated and have gone into freeze or functionel freeze. This includes, inter alia, getting your instinctive part of the brain (reptile brain) to understand that your life right here is now safe.
- Focus on the fact that you have actually survived and are now grown. You have many more resources NOW! Focus on your resources
- Discover that what happen, happened at that time (in the past)
Find some safer relationships. This may mean that there are relationships with boyfriend, family members and / or friends that you may need to stop or limit
- Develop a realistic trust. One of the ways is to talk to others about what is reasonable and realistic
Let your partner not to be perfect! Just as you are not yourself. Learn to tolerate reasonable disappointments. Check out the reasonableness by talking to other people about it
- Clean any abusive conditions, and do not allow these dynamics again (persecuter/victim dynamics, overdog/underdog, topdog/underdog/ power strugles). End the relationship, if you can not stop these dynamics
- Exercise mindfulness - Exercise yourself to be present here and now with your consciousness! It's not about meditating ½-1 hour a day, but being aware and having contact with yourself during the day. It is living life!
NOTE! (Sometimes mindfulness can be difficult when you have chok traumas, because mindfulness allows room for the chok trauma reactions to "make noise". For example, concern thoughts and bodily unpleasant reactions: unease, leaning, spinning, nausea, dizziness, pressure, palpitation, etc.)
- When you are triggered, regulate and pause before you do anything else (SE tools). You can't use your prefrontal cortex when you are getting triggered. When you have come out of your instinctive reactions - fight, flight, freeze - then make a decision about what to do and how to react.
- Enjoy the nature
There's a lot to see and experience when you move outside of your safe environment. Nothing is more healing for mind and body than nature. Spend time in nature and discover. Look around and note all the goodness of nature in stock. Begin to acknowledge the need for balance, confidence and harmony in your life. Be kind to yourself and set aside time to play and contemplation.
- Create a daily routine with structure.
- Try to tolerate getting closer and closer to a loved one without pushing the person away - move closer step by step
- Take care of yourself
- Choose the company of good humans, it increases your energy and give you a smile. Uncheck or limit contact with humans, that drains your energy and ruins your mood. Be selective and selfish - INFO! It's not selfish to take care of yourself, it's on the contrary self-loving.
Use Chris Griscom color/breathing meditation, if you are angry with or afraid of another person:
Imagine the other person or look at the other person.
Ask yourself what color she wants from you. But only inside of yourself.
Imagine a cloud with this color over your head.
Pull the color in together with your inhalation.
Send the colour through the solar plexus and over to the other person on exhalation.
Healing from the disorganized form of attatchmentstyle is at the deepest level of seerate the love / safe attachment from the threat.
Unfortunately, you can not talk or analyze this!!!!
It must be healed on all 3 levels: the mental, emotional and instinctive level!
REMEMBER: Healing on the instinctive level, must come first. It´s survivel energy! When your system is in survival mode, it overrules everything else that you might have learned - your logic and your emotions - and your lovelife!
Methods to generally land the nervous system, for example:
the water tank exercise
(the instinktive level),
felt sence exercise,
getting into the now exercise. Felt sensations is more important, than feeling the feelings when activated, as the desorganized often gets overwhelmed by their own feelings.
Orienting exercise
Kind eyes exercise
Methods to get more into the secure attachment style use "getting into secure attatchment" exercise.
jebkinnisonforum.com/thread/880/self-regulating-regulation-exercises-ect
Methods to heal some of the more specific events from childhood.
Use the paradoxial change method and the "anger meditation" - Leonard Jacobsen/two chair exercise.
Diane Poole Heller working with BPD / desorganised attachments dianepooleheller.com/video-4/
Also Diane Poole Heller and Peter Levine and others talks about how trauma stops time and what to do about it.
Go to youtube.
Pratice with a SE/attatchment therapist and/or on your own/with a (secure) friend or partner with a calmed regulated nerveussystem to regulate your nerveussystem:
- Using the watertank exersice (disorganised/ambivalent or stressed situations- too much activation in the nerveussystem) Can also Be used in a shut down state. (SE)
- Working with smoveys, if the nerveussystem has shut down, to get back the energy - www.youtube.com/watch?v=wd0GZ5Naia8&t=207s
- Also the wuu Sound Peter Levine,
- hot shower,
- sing,
Diane Poole Heller - demonatration
www.youtube.com/watch?v=iJ3OcQw3oCI
- Touch:
Supportive touch from another person (all attatchment styles - be carefull with desorganised part). A touch on the arm, shoulder, on the top of the back, on the top of one of your feet or rigth beside the foot aso. (Body namic / SE)
- The wuu sound (Peter Levine) (SE) - www.youtube.com/watch?v=6DeB_CGtOJM&t=2s
- Tapping and self hug (Peter Levine) (SE) - www.youtube.com/watch?v=G7zAseaIyFA&t=178s
- Bellicon mini trampoline (Peter Levine) (SE) - www.youtube.com/watch?v=YV0EW0ATg3Q
- Kind eyes exersice (Diane Poole Heller) (DA or disorganised) - www.youtube.com/watch?v=leVxB1l5NiY
- Eyeballs exercise:
Letting the eyeballs sink into the eyes and imagine that the eyeballs lands on a soft pillow (avoidants and desorganized - they can have a "harsh/starring look" in their eyes, because they can be watching out for "danger-signales"). Also a good way to gruond, because they can have a hard time feeling the body and if/or/when the feel the body, they can somehow get activated)(Diane Poole Heller)
- Pendulation:
Pendelig between trauma and resources ect. by notecing a part of the body that feels okay and another part of the body that fells tence or that hurts. Pendeling between these two parts of the body, with the main focus on the part that feels okay. (SE)
- Tuning board to get the body in balance (Peter Levine) (SE)
- Titration
- Coming into the world excercise (Diane Poole Heller)
- Breath exercise
- Orient exercise
- Competent preotector exercise
- Pushing hand exercise
www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/simplifying-complex-trauma/202112/how-bottom-treatment-can-address-trauma
coreawareness.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/01/Psoas-Health-Trauma-Recovery-Protocol-Massage-Bodywork-Magazine-December-January-2004.pdf
Sport/exercise:
Yoga
Thai chi
Qi Gong
ect.
What to do when things are not clear:
As unsertenty are toxic to the disorganized, also loose and or unclear agreements, they need short, clear, concise messages.
A person with some desorganized attatchment style can ask:
"What do you mean, when you say ...?"
"Is it then a deal that ....?!"
In a safe relationsship:
When the desorganised experiencing love, the old system can say: "Oh no ..." They're used to, things goes wrong and they can disappear from the contact in the precent moment. When we're comfortable with our loved ones, so that we can relax and allow us to love/give in to the relationship, it causes the system to say:"Ah, now there's room to take a bite more of the trauma whirlwind"
It's really annoying, because it gets us right in the middle of a trauma whirlwind, where drama and heavy emotions easily arise.
More about the Sympathetic vs Parasympathetic Responses:
jebkinnisonforum.com/thread/880/self-regulating-exercises?page=1&scrollTo=13006
Trauma and the nerveussystem:
www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZdIQRxwT1I0
Dan Siegel:
Talks about dezorganized in the making and how a desorganized parent can get triggered by its child. www.youtube.com/watch?v=zovtRq4e2E8
Peter Levine:
The founder of SE therapy, explains how slowly releasing (or titrating) this compressed fight-or-flight energy a bit at time to give the individual the ability to reintegrate it back into their nervous system.
Trauma and shame:
jebkinnisonforum.com/thread/1007/trauma-shame
www.youtube.com/watch?v=hEUXUHAkC5A
Inherited family trauma:
www.markwolynn.com/
Family constelation work
Diane Poole Heller:
Shows how trauma stops time
And talks about situational disorganized attachment in couples
How to work with your selfworth/selfesteem - how to love yourself more tips.
Remember when we are in survival mode/stressed out there is no room for love or selflove. We use All our energy to survive.
jebkinnisonforum.com/thread/1051/love-tips
Why you shouldent fight formore than 15 min. can make the other person the enemy //jebkinnisonforum.com/thread/905/fighting
The paradoxial change method:
The moment you are able to give the feeling, the mood or the state allowed to be there as it is - it can change.
When we experience negative feelings, moods or states, we would like to change these.
But the urge can give battle inside.
The paradoxical change method is, to change without struggle. (from gestalt therapy/7 good habits)
jebkinnisonforum.com/thread/1128/accepting-paradoxial-change-method
Men and masculinity:
www.terryreal.com/
jebkinnisonforum.com/thread/1376/work-femininity-masculinity
Learn to become proactive instead of reactive:
Covey's book 7 good habits - gestalt therapy
jebkinnisonforum.com/thread/1198/proactive-get-negativity-victim-role
Social engagement and dissociation - look at the persons eyes
Dealing with a partner with desorganized attatchmentstyle:
Examine these topics to preserve your own health inside of a bond shared with a loved one with attachment injury or trauma.
Can You Maintain Healthy Boundaries?
We cannot change others, but we can control our reaction to their behavior. When your loved one or family member displays attachment injury, can you walk away or realize that their behavior is not truly related to you? This is difficult sometimes, as individuals often lash out due to chaotic emotions and the inability to self-regulate.
Letting your loved one know your boundaries can benefit you – and them. Is your loved one ready for help? If they are unaware of the area of attachment therapy, pointing him or her toward resources to help with secure attachment might be of value.
Display Sensitivity and Attunement
Realize that everyone comes from a subjective place. Often, showing attunement and compassion for your loved one with attachment injury gives them a taste of secure attachment while also setting a good example. It is possible to heal attachment at any age.
Attunement strategies include verbal and non-verbal qualities:
Affirmations
Acknowledgments
Active listening
Mirroring body language
Eye contact
Through attunement, your loved one can feel more secure, and being with less insecure people is far more pleasant.
Don’t Go on the Defensive
If your loved one shares a feeling with you, “I feel like my family doesn’t love or support me.” Or, “Everyone always lets me down.” Don’t come back with an immediate rebuttal. Respond while keeping in mind that it is their reality, their feelings. A compassionate response will validate their feelings and avoid the barrier that often arises with an instant rebuttal.
Sometimes we need to feel heard.
Brenee Brown, empathy Vs. sympathy - www.youtube.com/watch?v=1Evwgu369Jw
Good phrases to repair a disorganized attachment with your partner or other:
I notice you, and what you need
I'm sorry, I scared you
I want to protect you, and you can count on me
Let me make things clear for you
If your partner runs off and is triggered/situational triggered:
Remember they are looking for love and at the same time gets frightened by it.
You can try give your partner contact every day, if it feels natural to you.
But only short!
By sms short and loving.
By phone short and loving
If you meet, short and loving
Be clear in your communication.
No ambiguities. No long explanations. Brief/short, concistent and loving
If your partner could be under a lot of stress and stops the relationship out of nowhere:
Find out if there are many things happening in your partners life, so it's clear if your partners thoughts fly around on everything else. For example, a new apartment, a new job and a life as a student after some years of sabbath. Right now, your partners behavior is not normal, but you nterpret it as a natural stage and do not know if you should let your partner push you away and sometimes hurt you every time, but support your partners situation right now and hope for a few days / weeks a normal level again? Does your partner ends up feeling sorry for her/his behavior and is willing to fight for it?
Solution:
Keep on having the dialogue with your partner.
Remind your partner, that there is so much happening in her/his life right now, that it might be overwhelming for her/him. Investigate what kind of support, that overwhelmed part of your partner needs
Remember - If you have too much threat going on in a relationship, you'll lose the part of your brain that's actually interested in connection, intimacy, love, authenticity, and vulnerability.
www.forbes.com/sites/amymorin/2016/10/22/there-is-a-clear-line-between-oversharing-and-being-authentic-heres-how-to-avoid-crossing-it/
Diane Poole Heller:
And talks about situational disorganized attachment in couples www.youtube.com/watch?v=fihihodKw_A
Film caracter:
Main caracter (Matt Damon) in Good Will Hunting m.youtube.com/watch?v=nH9LZOXBMUE
Leena, Beyond m.youtube.com/watch?v=r3RRDaAKTWE
Fleabag m.youtube.com/watch?v=aX2ViKQFL_k
Flickering lights - youtu.be/kJyaJBJG7bQ
hthttp://jebkinnisonforum.com/thread/850/drama-triangle
Borderline vs narc mom explained
http://instagr.am/p/CdgDr0RjTZb
Always remember in relationsship - all attatchmentstyles (Raja Selvam):
Raja Selvam has a significant point about relationships. "If your partner does not remain in resonance, when you need to land your system - you will feel abandoned. You will get a feeling, that you have to manage yourself. It feels very lonely"
Often we do not only have one attatchment style, but traits from different attatcmentstyles, that also needs to be healed:
jebkinnisonforum.com/thread/1072/healing-ambivalent-attatchment-tips-tricks
jebkinnisonforum.com/thread/1071/healing-avoidant-da-attatchmentstyle
Secure attatchment:
jebkinnisonforum.com/thread/1185/secure-attatchment-style
Movies that can help you showing secure relationships:
The bonus family Netflix - www.youtube.com/watch?v=GuLcbyo7hsE
The little house in the praire - www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vt4z16n-3eU
Parenthood - www.youtube.com/watch?v=o_cblVvo5bg
Lion - www.youtube.com/watch?v=-RNI9o06vqo
If you are having a broken heart, you can use this:
jebkinnisonforum.com/thread/1169/healing-broken-heart
youtu.be/-PCcJsp30AA
Parenthood - www.youtube.com/watch?v=o_cblVvo5bg
Lion - www.youtube.com/watch?v=-RNI9o06vqo
If you are having a broken heart, you can use this:
jebkinnisonforum.com/thread/1169/healing-broken-heart
youtu.be/-PCcJsp30AA
