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Post by ocarina on Jun 9, 2018 18:32:14 GMT
This is in response to junipers thread on being deserving of love, loving rather than winning. As a challenge for someone who struggles with all aspects of intimacy for fear of being seen, I have decided to really grasp development of self love - or rather the rediscovery of it.
The aim here is to make some kind of record on the journey - please comment if you would like, whatever your attachment style.
So thanks to juniper, first step is to open up to a trusted friend re my self esteem struggles. To this end I am about to invite a really dear supportive friend for a swim in the sea tomorrow and however uncomfortable I will be really honest and vulnerable about my feelings of inadequacy.
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Post by Deleted on Jun 9, 2018 19:39:55 GMT
This is in response to junipers thread on being deserving of love, loving rather than winning. As a challenge for someone who struggles with all aspects of intimacy for fear of being seen, I have decided to really grasp development of self love - or rather the rediscovery of it. The aim here is to make some kind of record on the journey - please comment if you would like, whatever your attachment style. So thanks to juniper, first step is to open up to a trusted friend re my self esteem struggles. To this end I am about to invite a really dear supportive friend for a swim in the sea tomorrow and however uncomfortable I will be really honest and vulnerable about my feelings of inadequacy. this made me cry, happy proud tears. A swim in the sea with a trusted friend. What a beautiful symbol THAT is! Just tell it to your friend and the ocean. ❤️❤️❤️ |
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Post by ocarina on Jun 9, 2018 19:44:37 GMT
The sea is my therapy, it literally washes away unease and pain. I am very grateful to have both as my companions.
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Post by Deleted on Jun 9, 2018 20:05:58 GMT
The sea is my therapy, it literally washes away unease and pain. I am very grateful to have both as my companions they're happy to have you too.  we're all in this ocarina, it's more than ok to just be you and let those around you see you. people need that- they need to know they aren't the only ones who suffer, the only ones who struggle. Hope is found in togetherness. |
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Post by ocarina on Jun 9, 2018 21:15:56 GMT
The sea is my therapy, it literally washes away unease and pain. I am very grateful to have both as my companions they're happy to have you too. we're all in this ocarina , it's more than ok to just be you and let those around you see you. people need that- they need to know they aren't the only ones who suffer, the only ones who struggle. Hope is found in togetherness. I can't say how much this has helped me Juniper - I have shed some proper tears in the last few hours, the first for much too long. I have also had something of a life re think - my work is all consuming - challenging and overwhelming and I really would like to exit the treadmill at some point. With this in mind I have a couple of other income streams to explore - both quite possible in the long term and already with these tiny steps I feel less trapped, less the victim. I needed the kick up the a**. This was also a timely reminder that who you surround yourself with has a profound influence on your thinking and your life in general - my ex partner who I still see regularly is an emotional drain on me at the moment and given my aim to really value myself I can commit no more time or energy to him. Better spent bringing joy to myself and others. It's good to be reminded that vulnerability works as a gift both ways. I will let you know how tomorrow goes. I've just watched this: www.youtube.com/watch?v=UxYSVvgPEJYI am not sure if the link to the whole film will work - but to anyone feeling in need of a reminder of how lucky they are despite their challenges and humanity - this is a beautiful and moving short watch: tricycle.org/filmclub/open-your-eyes/ |
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Post by Deleted on Jun 9, 2018 22:51:15 GMT
they're happy to have you too. we're all in this ocarina , it's more than ok to just be you and let those around you see you. people need that- they need to know they aren't the only ones who suffer, the only ones who struggle. Hope is found in togetherness. I can't say how much this has helped me Juniper - I have shed some proper tears in the last few hours, the first for much too long. I have also had something of a life re think - my work is all consuming - challenging and overwhelming and I really would like to exit the treadmill at some point. With this in mind I have a couple of other income streams to explore - both quite possible in the long term and already with these tiny steps I feel less trapped, less the victim. I needed the kick up the a**. This was also a timely reminder that who you surround yourself with has a profound influence on your thinking and your life in general - my ex partner who I still see regularly is an emotional drain on me at the moment and given my aim to really value myself I can commit no more time or energy to him. Better spent bringing joy to myself and others. It's good to be reminded that vulnerability works as a gift both ways. I will let you know how tomorrow goes. I've just watched this: www.youtube.com/watch?v=UxYSVvgPEJYI am not sure if the link to the whole film will work - but to anyone feeling in need of a reminder of how lucky they are despite their challenges and humanity - this is a beautiful and moving short watch: tricycle.org/filmclub/open-your-eyes/this is all so good!!! you are an incredibly accomplished and competent woman, and more than capable of re-creating your life, your ENTIRE life, to suit your values as they are evolving. you can do what you want. and i think it's high time you do There is nothing to hide from, really. I mean, it's true that a lot of my personal experiences are not in the realm of "normal" for most people, as i have learned... butthe truth is that we all have similar struggles and joys in life. it really is a better life to allow yourself to weave into that with other people, and be blessed as much as you are a blessing. There's not a lot to fear, as i see it. what can happen? the worst thing is to remain afraid. the best thing, is to open to something new. And, it's so important to stick with people who KNOW where the gold is, or at least who are excited and full of faith and a sense of adventure as they go looking for it. It makes all the difference , who your companions are. Please read a description about the 4 kinds of friends, and the qualities of a good friend, as told by the Buddha. it's such a wonderful reminder of what we can be, and what we can have, in a real, intimate relationship. I am excited to hear about your swim! And thank you for sharing all this with me. i have your back the best i am able |
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Post by Deleted on Jun 10, 2018 10:04:59 GMT
This is my first post here but I've been lurking for months. Since you said any type can reply, I thought I'd take this as my first post to say that Ocarina, I think it's great that you are taking these steps for yourself. I know it takes a lot of strength to reach out and allow yourself to be more open. I don't know you, but I'm proud of you. Your first step of opening up to a trusted friend is brave and not going to be as scary as you think. I have helped a friend who is FA and by practicing opening up, her self-esteem has grown and she realizes now that being 'seen' by someone supportive whom she trusts is a good thing. You are deserving of all the love and support out there and if you push past that uncomfortable stage, there's a world of healing on the other side of that. I've read that if you feel like you are being smothered, then you know you are on the right track and keep going. That feeling is you smothering the fear and allowing yourself all the love you deserve. You don't know me, but I support your taking the first step. Fear of being seen... friends who love you already see what a great person you are and that's why they are in your life. They already see many wonderful things and will welcome the opportunity for you to see that within yourself. And what a gift you are giving yourself as well as them by allowing yourself to be open. It gets easier with practice and I am very happy to hear that you are ready to start on this journey or 'swim'. Way to go! =)
I like someone who is FA and you give me hope that she will one day realize she deserves better too.
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Post by Deleted on Jun 10, 2018 11:58:09 GMT
i went to bed and woke up thinking of you ocarina. it's like waiting for a birth, having been told that a new life is coming! i know it will come and thrive , everything in you and around you supports it. you will love yourself, and be open to love. You're right there at the door, nah, you've got your toes in the water and you're going to swim. 🌺 |
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Post by Deleted on Jun 10, 2018 12:04:07 GMT
Open your eyes- the video made me weep.
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Post by ocarina on Jun 10, 2018 13:27:19 GMT
i went to bed and woke up thinking of you ocarina . it's like waiting for a birth, having been told that a new life is coming! i know it will come and thrive , everything in you and around you supports it. you will love yourself, and be open to love. You're right there at the door, nah, you've got your toes in the water and you're going to swim. 🌺 Hey Juniper - you've made me smile.... It does feel a little like a small kind of rebirth - turning towards what is for want of a better word, wholesome - and consistent, trustworthy and brings me joy. Swim was magical - the friend with whom I connected is someone who I know has been there for me in many practical ways when times have been tough and she's solid, dependable, rather wonderful. I have never really been emotionally open with her but it was like magic - I told her I had been struggling, of the pain of not being perfect, of the difficulties in saying no, being overstretched. She listened with great kindness and you are absolutely right - we are closer. She told me about her own struggles and I felt for her. For a while I wasn't the "island" which has become my habitual way of being. Magic is not a strong enough word for how it felt! At the moment I no longer feel stuck and afraid of going forward, I feel kind of human in a way that has been missing for a long while. I know very well that this is a process and there will be times when the sun isn't shining, the sea is too rough to swim, I am too busy to swim, (metaphorically) and I must be prepared for those times too. My habitual distancing has meant that I have not nurtured friendships - my friends have stuck by me anyway, at least the ones worth having, but I am very aware that I need to continue to make what feels like an unnatural effort to connect, even though alone time is also important. I have in the past two weeks, also taken on a challenge to add health to my diet - not from a weight loss point of view, but as an act of kindness to myself - the start was a huge delicious and full of everything kind of salad for a week, second week a big hearty and healthy breakfast. I am not sure if this has also been transformative, but I certainly am beginning to feel at least a little love for myself. The film is lovely isn't it Juniper? Another choice in life is to surround yourself both at home and online with nurturing material rather than inane, mindless consumerism or violence. The choice I made last night when children were in bed was to spend some peaceful time on a film - and that's what I found. It made me cry too - and made me profoundly grateful as well. Some of our worries are such first world problems.....! |
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Post by ocarina on Jun 10, 2018 13:29:29 GMT
The Ocarina thought for the day is something like this:
"We can't control other peoples behaviour - but we can choose not to spend time with or devote energy to people who make us feel bad about ourselves"
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Post by ocarina on Jun 10, 2018 13:32:12 GMT
This is my first post here but I've been lurking for months. Since you said any type can reply, I thought I'd take this as my first post to say that Ocarina, I think it's great that you are taking these steps for yourself. I know it takes a lot of strength to reach out and allow yourself to be more open. I don't know you, but I'm proud of you. Your first step of opening up to a trusted friend is brave and not going to be as scary as you think. I have helped a friend who is FA and by practicing opening up, her self-esteem has grown and she realizes now that being 'seen' by someone supportive whom she trusts is a good thing. You are deserving of all the love and support out there and if you push past that uncomfortable stage, there's a world of healing on the other side of that. I've read that if you feel like you are being smothered, then you know you are on the right track and keep going. That feeling is you smothering the fear and allowing yourself all the love you deserve. You don't know me, but I support your taking the first step. Fear of being seen... friends who love you already see what a great person you are and that's why they are in your life. They already see many wonderful things and will welcome the opportunity for you to see that within yourself. And what a gift you are giving yourself as well as them by allowing yourself to be open. It gets easier with practice and I am very happy to hear that you are ready to start on this journey or 'swim'. Way to go! =) I like someone who is FA and you give me hope that she will one day realize she deserves better too. LostGirl thank you for your support and I am honoured you chose this as your first place to post! It's a shame sometimes that we end of classified in "types" when we are infact all human beings, with similar struggles and pain - I hope you continue to join in the conversations. |
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Post by Deleted on Jun 10, 2018 13:49:58 GMT
i went to bed and woke up thinking of you ocarina . it's like waiting for a birth, having been told that a new life is coming! i know it will come and thrive , everything in you and around you supports it. you will love yourself, and be open to love. You're right there at the door, nah, you've got your toes in the water and you're going to swim. 🌺 Hey Juniper - you've made me smile.... It does feel a little like a small kind of rebirth - turning towards what is for want of a better word, wholesome - and consistent, trustworthy and brings me joy. Swim was magical - the friend with whom I connected is someone who I know has been there for me in many practical ways when times have been tough and she's solid, dependable, rather wonderful. I have never really been emotionally open with her but it was like magic - I told her I had been struggling, of the pain of not being perfect, of the difficulties in saying no, being overstretched. She listened with great kindness and you are absolutely right - we are closer. She told me about her own struggles and I felt for her. For a while I wasn't the "island" which has become my habitual way of being. Magic is not a strong enough word for how it felt! At the moment I no longer feel stuck and afraid of going forward, I feel kind of human in a way that has been missing for a long while. I know very well that this is a process and there will be times when the sun isn't shining, the sea is too rough to swim, I am too busy to swim, (metaphorically) and I must be prepared for those times too. My habitual distancing has meant that I have not nurtured friendships - my friends have stuck by me anyway, at least the ones worth having, but I am very aware that I need to continue to make what feels like an unnatural effort to connect, even though alone time is also important. I have in the past two weeks, also taken on a challenge to add health to my diet - not from a weight loss point of view, but as an act of kindness to myself - the start was a huge delicious and full of everything kind of salad for a week, second week a big hearty and healthy breakfast. I am not sure if this has also been transformative, but I certainly am beginning to feel at least a little love for myself. The film is lovely isn't it Juniper? Another choice in life is to surround yourself both at home and online with nurturing material rather than inane, mindless consumerism or violence. The choice I made last night when children were in bed was to spend some peaceful time on a film - and that's what I found. It made me cry too - and made me profoundly grateful as well. Some of our worries are such first world problems.....! 😍😍😍 this post is full of what i expected!!!! all of it- it is all transformation. one reason to keep good company, is that when you surround yourself with emotionally and spiritually rich people, they will see your beauty and continually call it forward. they can recognize the new tender buds about to bloom in you, and already see the flower. they know it is there, even before it manifests. it IS magical, it's the miracle of all miracles, to have good friends. ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️ |
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Post by Deleted on Jun 10, 2018 14:03:31 GMT
and of course, in contrast, the emotionally and spiritually destitute will take, take, take. they cannot replenish in you what they absorb from you. a little giving to the poor is ok, but when you become bankrupt from it, something is amiss in your giving. this is a lesson i learned the hard way, as l. i am very pleased for you ocarina ❤️ |
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Post by Deleted on Jun 11, 2018 10:43:51 GMT
LostGirl thank you for your support and I am honoured you chose this as your first place to post! It's a shame sometimes that we end of classified in "types" when we are infact all human beings, with similar struggles and pain - I hope you continue to join in the conversations. Thanks Ocarina. Your post deserved a little praise. I don't really want to join in the conversations because I told a few people about this forum. I can't be honest about my story due to that as I have a distinctive writing style and they would know it was me lol. It's okay though, I mostly came to learn about FA and I did learn a lot. I still do have some lingering questions but can't really post them publicly. Any chance you are up for a couple PM's? |
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